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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To expect an acknowledgement or apology from child's parent?

54 replies

Oceanblue042 · 04/07/2025 12:53

Last weekend, my 5yo DD was at a birthday party and during one of the party games, a child from her class pushed her several times. I wasn't there myself, by DP said that the child didn't pick on anyone else, just DD. It upset her and DP had to console her. The child attended with a family friend, not their parents, but this friend did apologise, made the child apologise (the child said "sorry" sarcastically). I have seen the child's parents at school since. AIBU to expect some sort of apology from them, or at least an acknowledgement? Or is this the norm now at primary school - kids get pushed about and that's ok, you just suck it up and deal with it?

DD mentioned a few times that the same child picks on her and messes with her in class. It doesn't sound like anything too serious, so haven't brought it up with school. I think the child may have ADHD, which may explain the behaviours, but how do I teach my DD to deal with kids who push and upset her (without telling her to push back)? I'm one who would be absolutely mortified if I learnt that my child had been mean to another child and made them cry!

OP posts:
neverknowinglyunreasonable · 04/07/2025 12:54

I would expect a formal letter and £50 John Lewis voucher.

DiscoBob · 04/07/2025 12:55

Not really no. It was dealt with at the time. I wouldn't dwell on it tbh. They're only little kids, these things happen.

Bigearringsbigsmile · 04/07/2025 12:55

Yes you are being unreasonable.

Very.
They are children who are learning the rules of life and socialisation

Anfieldgirl · 04/07/2025 12:56

The parent might not even be aware there's an issue. Family friend maybe didn't think it was a big deal and didn't mention it.

rubyslippers · 04/07/2025 12:56

I guarantee your child will be mean to someone else’s child at some point
This is petty childhood stuff and happens all the time
deal with stuff like this as it happens but no, I wouldn’t expect an apology from the parent after the fact in a case like this

hardtocare · 04/07/2025 12:56

It sounds like kids being kids. The family friend might have thought it was dealt with as he apologised so didn’t even mention to the parent. I don’t know that I would have.

its worth keeping an eye on the situation and encouraging DD to stick up for herself/ escalate with school if necessary but no, I wouldn’t apologise personally based on how you’ve told it

Fratolish · 04/07/2025 12:56

The family friend apologised at the time. Surely that's sufficient? They may not have even told her parents about it?
Absolutely you should be speaking to the school about it though if it's a pattern of behaviour.
Seems odd that you seem it serious enough to want some sort of formal apology from the parents when there's already been an apology and yet not serious enough to speak to the school...

Whatabouterry · 04/07/2025 12:57

Sounds like the family friend dealt with it appropriately, at the time that it happened. I’m not sure why more apologies are needed

GreenWheat · 04/07/2025 12:57

It was sorted at the time, which is as it should be. Both of them are little children, it was dealt with and you should move on.

idontknowhowto · 04/07/2025 12:57

How many times do you want to be apologised to?

Steelworks · 04/07/2025 12:58

I agree with the others. It was sorted at the time.

Mrsttcno1 · 04/07/2025 12:59

You got an apology from both the child and the supervising adult at the time. Who’s to say the parent even knows? Let it go.

purpleme12 · 04/07/2025 12:59

What do you mean you expect some sort of apology from the parents?

You said that the adult there at the time said sorry and she made the child say sorry.

Why on earth would you then be expecting it to be brought up again??

As for how to teach your child... You need to tell her say 'stop it' 'don't hit me' in a loud assertive way.
If child still won't listen after trying to sort it between themselves then she needs to tell an adult.
If child is still learning how to do this, then you do this for them to show child. 'no we don't hit.' but that that is only that child's adult is not doing it obviously. Most adults will be there and tell their children.

Thisnamechangehastakenme10minutes · 04/07/2025 12:59

They probably don't know anything about the pushing. You've not raised the issues at school so they aren't aware of it and the incident at the soft play relies on the family friend telling them about it

DelphiniumBlue · 04/07/2025 13:00

I wouldn’t expect anything from the parents if they weren’t there, but I would tell the school if a child was repeatedly picking on my DC , or any other child. The school will take steps if they know about it.

SummerInSun · 04/07/2025 13:01

I doubt the parents even know. Family friend may not have mentioned it, for a whole host of reasons - thought it was already dealt with so didn’t occur to them, parents are really busy/stressed (why would you ask a a family friend to take a kid to a party unless something else was going on?!), friend thought parents would massively overreact, friend was embarrassed to admit to parents that the kid didn’t behave while in their care.

But as PP have said, while this was behaviour that absolutely should be apologised for at the time (as the adult made the child do), it’s not worth escalating to a next level.

Sunshineandgrapefruit · 04/07/2025 13:01

It was dealt with. Also they may not know. My DD was once very mean to a boy in her class. The teacher told my sister at pick up but I didn't find out what happened for a few weeks because she didn't want to get her niece in trouble 🙄

YellowGrey · 04/07/2025 13:01

As it's happening at school too I would approach the teacher and have a chat. Not the parent - that rarely ends well.

luckylavender · 04/07/2025 13:03

Oceanblue042 · 04/07/2025 12:53

Last weekend, my 5yo DD was at a birthday party and during one of the party games, a child from her class pushed her several times. I wasn't there myself, by DP said that the child didn't pick on anyone else, just DD. It upset her and DP had to console her. The child attended with a family friend, not their parents, but this friend did apologise, made the child apologise (the child said "sorry" sarcastically). I have seen the child's parents at school since. AIBU to expect some sort of apology from them, or at least an acknowledgement? Or is this the norm now at primary school - kids get pushed about and that's ok, you just suck it up and deal with it?

DD mentioned a few times that the same child picks on her and messes with her in class. It doesn't sound like anything too serious, so haven't brought it up with school. I think the child may have ADHD, which may explain the behaviours, but how do I teach my DD to deal with kids who push and upset her (without telling her to push back)? I'm one who would be absolutely mortified if I learnt that my child had been mean to another child and made them cry!

A 5 year old isn’t in Primary School

PasDevantLes · 04/07/2025 13:03

It was dealt with at the time. It doesn't require some kind of summit with all involved on managing relations in future.

These are small children. They will occasionally behave like total maniacs. Sometimes your child will be the maniac, and you will have to manage that without this level of inner crisis.

purplecorkheart · 04/07/2025 13:05

To be honest I doubt the family friend mentioned it to the parent. It was dealt with at the time so I would imagine they did not say anything.

purpleme12 · 04/07/2025 13:06

luckylavender · 04/07/2025 13:03

A 5 year old isn’t in Primary School

Show quote history

What are you talking about?

Of course a 5 year old is in primary school!!

Doodlebug79 · 04/07/2025 13:07

Nope, I wouldn't expect a parent to acknowledge/apologise for this if the supervising adult dealt with it at the time.
If anything is occurring in school, raise it with the class teacher and let them address it.
Teach your DD to stand up for herself and not passively accept being shoved/picked on/messed with.

moose17 · 04/07/2025 13:07

It was dealt with at the time so not entirely sure what you’re trying to achieve?

luckylavender · 04/07/2025 13:08

@purpleme12- infant school

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