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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

What would you think if a BF said this?

92 replies

LuckyAquaExpert · 03/07/2025 22:48

"I'll sort myself out" when I didn't want sex. He said he was excited and wouldn't be able to sleep unless he could get pleasure.

It made my stomach turn but he's saying that it's more considerate of him.

OP posts:
RussianDoll76 · 04/07/2025 10:19

He probably said it in the hopes you would backtrack and it didn’t work . My Hubby would do that and I would say ok it saves me a job. For the record though I have cozied up to him and he’s not been in the mood and I’ve turned to diy and not told him I was going to there and then , but I tell him afterwards that it’s taken care of . He finds it a turn on 😂

VanillaVein · 04/07/2025 10:38

DontTouchRoach · 04/07/2025 09:07

Genuinely amazed that there are women who find the whole notion of male masturbation gross and weird and ‘would rather not know about it’. What’s the problem with it?!

It's all very we only have sex missionary with the lights off then roll over.

Bowlandbillow · 04/07/2025 10:47

Anyone remember the The Bridge, Swedish drama? There was a bit where Saga fancied sex and her partner refused saying he didn't feel comfortable with his mother staying with them. Saga cracked on anyway and then the camera panned back to see that they were in a studio flat and her partner and his mother were looking a bit shocked as they had their breakfast while Saga enjoyed herself. 😀

GraceUnderPresure · 04/07/2025 11:27

LuckyAquaExpert · 03/07/2025 22:55

It somehow made me feel pressured. That's how I read it, wrongly or not

It's literally the polar opposite of putting you under pressure for sex!
He wanted it, you didn't, so he took it into his own hands to resolve
(pun intended)😉

Original poster
LuckyAquaExpert · 04/07/2025 13:30

FeistyCat · 04/07/2025 05:45

I felt awkward waiting for him to come back to bed

You expect him to leave the bed to masturbate elsewhere other than his own bed? You really have control issues and issues to do with sex. And this is 2025, not the 1940s, mind you. I suggest you get therapy, and I mean that kindly. Your poor husband! I am getting an image of Hyacinth Bucket and your husband being Richard.

Show quote history

He's not my husband, to be clear. He's someone I'm seeing and I really think it's unfair to say I need therapy.

For those saying it's controlling, I'm not saying don't do it obviously. Just felt a bit awkward as he popped into the loo for a wank!

OP posts:
Original poster
LuckyAquaExpert · 04/07/2025 13:32

Mumtobabyhavoc · 04/07/2025 06:53

This is a boyfriend, not husband.
How long have they been together?
What's the sex talk like? ie how open?
Whose bed/house? Living together?

I'll sort myself is weird to say, and the, or I won't sleep is a bit 🙄
A more discreet, I'm going to take a shower before bed, would be better.

Don't live together. His apartment. On and off for maybe two years

OP posts:
Original poster
LuckyAquaExpert · 04/07/2025 13:42

It read as sulky and not caring to me. I'm not being accusatory, just my reading

I'm actually think I'd have preferred to be involved/near him, rather than sitting on my phone in his bed 😅

OP posts:
TY78910 · 04/07/2025 13:56

LuckyAquaExpert · 04/07/2025 13:42

It read as sulky and not caring to me. I'm not being accusatory, just my reading

I'm actually think I'd have preferred to be involved/near him, rather than sitting on my phone in his bed 😅

Hmm maybe that does change the situation a bit. Maybe next time just say that in the moment. Don’t fancy sex but we can still be intimate in other ways.

Youdontseehow · 04/07/2025 13:57

fourelementary · 04/07/2025 08:04

Not all men DO masturbate. Nor is it a need that they need to announce. I think the OP has had a hard time (‘scuse the pun) about this as I feel a grown ass adult should be able to not have to announce their intention to masturbate as a response to being declined sex. It would feel like pressure or at least a kind of voiced disappointment in you as a sex partner… rather than just giving you a cuddle and waiting until next time when you were happy to have sex. As for those who merrily bang one out lying next to their partner?!? wtf? Unless mutual masterbation is part of sex, it should be a solo and private activity. Bed is fine if alone- but bathroom if others are around. It’s not like reading a book or watching tv before bed!

LOL good one 😂

“Not all men admit to masturbating” - fixed that for you.

(Caveat - we’re not talking about the sick or the very frail, depressed etc who may not be physically or mentally able to).

DirtyBird · 04/07/2025 14:15

I would find it weird and off putting that he had to announce it.

Mumtobabyhavoc · 04/07/2025 18:03

FeistyCat · 04/07/2025 07:03

No it is not a myth. Google it. They experience tension and pain. Sure, they won't die or anything. But it's preferable for them to have that release. It does cause pain. Better off not doing something that will cause you pain and discomfort.

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Oh, jeezus. Let's not exaggerate the pain. Saying, It's preferable for them... makes it sound like some sort of thing women need to take special care of....

🙄

health.clevelandclinic.org/blue-balls

Mumtobabyhavoc · 04/07/2025 18:07

LuckyAquaExpert · 04/07/2025 13:32

Don't live together. His apartment. On and off for maybe two years

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It might have been fact, then, as in, No worries. I'm just gonna have a quick wank and be right back. But. It was subtle pressure whether he recognizes that(or admits it) or not.

Livpool · 04/07/2025 18:50

I wouldn’t care less and I am also in peri

Original poster
LuckyAquaExpert · 05/07/2025 21:41

Mumtobabyhavoc · 04/07/2025 18:07

It might have been fact, then, as in, No worries. I'm just gonna have a quick wank and be right back. But. It was subtle pressure whether he recognizes that(or admits it) or not.

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I had a long term ex who couldn't finish from sex or when around me. He would go home and masturbate. Not his fault I guess but might have messed up my head a little in terms of masturbation in relationships

OP posts:
ComtesseDeSpair · 05/07/2025 22:09

LuckyAquaExpert · 05/07/2025 21:41

I had a long term ex who couldn't finish from sex or when around me. He would go home and masturbate. Not his fault I guess but might have messed up my head a little in terms of masturbation in relationships

Show quote history

Would you prefer it if he hasn’t told you beforehand, but just went away and sorted himself out? If so, tell him that: he can disappear off to the bathroom or wherever and then when he comes back you just agree that neither of you mentions it.

Jumpingthruhoops · 05/07/2025 22:12

LuckyAquaExpert · 03/07/2025 22:54

No, I just think it's odd as he never mentioned that before. He might just wait until it might suit us both

Why should he, when he doesn't need to? You don't want to, he does, so he's taking matters into his own hands... literally!

ThreePointOneFourOneFiveNine · 05/07/2025 22:15

He could have thought saying that would make you feel less pressured. The situation with your ex probably has a lot to do with your feelings on this.

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