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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

The advantage of never having made school gate friends is...

57 replies

RichardOsmanTheSecond · 03/07/2025 20:14

I am not part of any class WhatsApp and am generally happily oblivious to the drama, politics and class collections. That is a win!

If you've not been able to make any friends at the school gate (despite wanting /trying to) what are the unexpected advantages?

Yes, I know plenty of people choose not to and that's fine. This is aimed at mums like me who are feeling maybe a bit down that their kids are unlikely to get any play dates with school friends over summer and you wont be involved in any end of year celebrations etc.

OP posts:
RobinHeartella · 04/07/2025 15:38

Some people on this thread were a bit harsh op, but most of us were just giving you well meaning advice based on this:

mums like me who are feeling maybe a bit down that their kids are unlikely to get any play dates with school friends over summer and you wont be involved in any end of year celebrations etc

You're not powerless here. You can ask to join the group chat, but still not get involved in any drama, (if there is any, which I doubt). You don't have to accept every invitation. You can mute the chat and only check it once a week.

Muffsies · 04/07/2025 15:39

Woah, did anyone hear stomping feet and a door slam?

confusednorthener · 04/07/2025 15:44

BookishBabe · 03/07/2025 20:38

My husband left me for a school gate friend last tuesday after 16 years together.

I'd much prefer it if we did not have a school gate friend.

I agree completely for the exact same reason.
(although mine was after 18½ years)

SunflowerLife · 04/07/2025 15:54

Aliflowers · 04/07/2025 14:54

Ours would be fairly dull so no need to mute lol. But there is pictures of the kids shared from events such as sports day/parade walks. This is because some parents can’t make it due to work etc so just means they can still see them participate

Show quote history

Ours' goes off quite often with people asking silly things. There's no drama on there( I've seen drama between parents but not on whatsapp). My youngest child's class parents are quite active on there but I've got 4 kids and my oldest is 17 so I sometimes find them annoying. They're not doing anything wrong, it's just not my first rodeo and I'm not interested.

PepsiForEva · 04/07/2025 20:38

RobinHeartella · 04/07/2025 15:38

Some people on this thread were a bit harsh op, but most of us were just giving you well meaning advice based on this:

mums like me who are feeling maybe a bit down that their kids are unlikely to get any play dates with school friends over summer and you wont be involved in any end of year celebrations etc

You're not powerless here. You can ask to join the group chat, but still not get involved in any drama, (if there is any, which I doubt). You don't have to accept every invitation. You can mute the chat and only check it once a week.

Exactly this. I replied based on the statement you are glad to be out of the whatsapp groups (as am I) and that you then went on to say you were a bit sad to be missing out and your DS missing out on some things so I made suggestions based on my experience. TBH i am a bit baffled by your hostility to those type of responses.

Abitlosttoday · 04/07/2025 21:07

I realised a few days ago, at a school mum social event, that I would 'lose' three or four good friends when their youngest kids left the school, along with my oldest. I had a preemptive sense of being left behind while my youngest does another three years in the school. The sadness!! I haven't the same connections in my youngest kid's class. I really value them. I am very sociable though, and I know this wouldn't matter at all to lots of people.

Mermaidsarereal · 06/07/2025 10:04

It's amazing, I hate group chats so even if I had been added into one I'd mute it immediately and likely not ever contribute to it. I used to speak to the odd few parents/grandparents at pick up but was never part of any group. Now my DD is in secondary school and I wonder if all of the mum cliques that excluded me are still friends? 🤔

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