The advantage of never having made school gate friends is...

[RichardOsmanTheSecond]

I am not part of any class WhatsApp and am generally happily oblivious to the drama, politics and class collections. That is a win!

If you've not been able to make any friends at the school gate (despite wanting /trying to) what are the unexpected advantages?

Yes, I know plenty of people choose not to and that's fine. This is aimed at mums like me who are feeling maybe a bit down that their kids are unlikely to get any play dates with school friends over summer and you wont be involved in any end of year celebrations etc.

Totally worth avoiding. It’s like
being in primary school all over again yourself.

The class WhatsApp is outside of mum cliches though isn't it? Ours is used lots for birthday invitations etc. It would be a shame for your child to miss out on this sort of stuff.

If you're feeling down about the lack of playdates, initiate some.

I never asked for tips on how to make friends. I never said my son doesn't have friends outside of school.

It was just a lighthearted post about the benefits of not being in a school gate clique. That's it.

Well there is no benefit to being so far removed from the school that your son doesn’t have play dates in the summer.

Your op is slightly misleading, perhaps it would have helped to clarify that sooner?

I agree @Thepeopleversuswork OP is presuming a WhatsApp group she has never been on is nothing but bitchy drama cos that's what us women folk are like.

Well yes obviously, being a woman I loooove all the bitchy stereotypes. Bring 'em on. On the other hand, having never been on the WhatsApp group, I can only go on what people post about on here which is for the most part drama, politics and class collections.

I see I have created one of those lighthearted posts where everyone just moans at the perceived slights in the OP.

Well yes, I can see how literally not asking these things can be misleading.

Class what’s apps mostly consist of “have you seen X’s jumper” in our school.

I’d be lost without them though. They also consist of reminders about what’s on and whole class party invites in the smaller classes. Are you the only parent not on the what’s app group?

I don’t really understand how stating that you are so anti social that it has impacted your own son’s social life is “light hearted”. It’s just sad for your son.

Same. I’ve my third child going through primary and have never seen any drama. The WhatsApp is literally to check on school closures, homework, special days like sports day etc. all very innocuous.

Also I organised the WhatsApp group for my youngests class (it was raised by a few of the mammies at the settling in morning and I was one of the only ones who knew how to set up a group). I asked the teacher if she’d mind sharing my details on the class app and any parents that were interested could join up so no chance of leaving anyone out. There’s plenty of dads as well as mums. I’m sure there are individual chat groups between some parents that are more social in nature but I’d have absolutely no interest

One advantage is not having to deal with the awkwardness when your DC decides that they no longer want anything to do with the DC of one of your school-mum friends.
My Year 6 DD has a couple of friends who are regularly forced to socialise and even holiday with classmates they don't even like because the mums have practically lived in each other's pockets since they were in Reception.

Btw OP I work at my kids school in a senior leadership role so have made a conscious decision not to make friends with school parents and it hasn't stopped my DC making friends, or getting invited to parties or playdates.

I never tried! Rarely did the school run anyway and now mine are both old enough to get to and from school themselves. I do not feel like I missed out on much at all!

I'm on the whatsapp groups but I keep them muted. There is always someone on there giving out their bank details and asking for money for a collection for this, that or the other. Today I've received about 70 photos of other peoples' children because someone asked for them to put together a video for the year 6 leavers' party.

Ours would be fairly dull so no need to mute lol. But there is pictures of the kids shared from events such as sports day/parade walks. This is because some parents can’t make it due to work etc so just means they can still see them participate

Right. This summer my son:
has a 4 day camping trip with Beavers.
Will be doing a 10 day day drama workshop.
Will be having a lomg weekend and various day trips with us
Has a birthday party of a friend in his swimming class.
No doubt various other activities will pop up too.

He is hardly wasting away from lack of social contact because he wont see the majority of his class mates for a few weeks.

Again, this was meant to be lighthearted!

ETA- a class mate might be having a picnic as well but that's tbd and obviously with all the other things we might not be able to make it.

If you're still puzzled why you got these responses then I cant help you.

Sighs

There's no drama at all in our WhatsApp group. Just lots of nice invitations to fun things. Your son could really benefit from you seeing those invitations. You don't have to accept any but at least knowing what they are, you can choose to.

Occasionally mumsnetters will post on here that there's drama in their WhatsApp group but that doesn't mean it's the norm!

Sometimes there are threads where a toddler has severe constipation...that doesn't mean most toddlers have severe constipation... surely this is obvious

I think the number one advantage that people who dont make school gate friends is that you get to assume that you are better than everyone else, and you can make not making mum friends your personality.

I feel a bit sad that my kids cant be in mainstream school and do all those typical things. However... I have no school runs to do, I just have to get them out of the house and into their taxis so I take that tiny perk

How shit is that ! I hope you are surrounded by your real friends.X

Never been part of a class WhatsApp group but I have met some awesome women at the school gates, many I have stayed friends with.

You what now?

Jeez I touched a nerve here with some of you.

Im not posting on this anymore. Im not having a strop. I just posted something that was meant to be lighthearted and a bit silly. I have had people suggesting I think Im better than everyone else, that my son is suffering for it and that I think all women do is bitch.

All this for asking what the positives are about not having school gate friends. I guess if some of you are at my school gate, not being friends with you is all the positive I need.

Have a wonderful day.

I'd experienced enough meanness from other mothers at young nursery stage that I was already wary going into primary. I worked full time and was never at the school gates pre covid, there was a year group WhatsApp but I didn't know it existed. Joined in year 1 when someone asked if I wanted to join, conversations seemed silly so I left and got as far as high school without... including the pandemic years.. No idea what I missed. Tbh I stayed away from other parents due to the nursery experience.