To not understand end of year gifts for teachers?

[Threecactusplants]

That time is upon us.
My DS’s class WhatsApp ‘admin’ has asked if people want to contribute towards a voucher for the teacher - suggested donation £10 each.
AIBU but the teachers are being paid for this job, they’re not doing it voluntarily.
Okay I understand if the child is leaving/in last year or the teacher is leaving.

To be honest, I haven’t been hugely impressed this year, DS’s teacher has been quite slack and we have had very little communication. He’s been happy going to school which is the main thing but I probably would have got a small card or asked him to make one. It’s only a small class of 21 so if I don’t contribute it’ll be obvious.

I spent almost a decade teaching Reception. My classes never did a collection, but we always received lots of thoughtful gifts.

Whilst I never expected anything, and certainly never judged how much was spent or if a parent gave nothing, what I would say is that little children absolutely love coming in to give their teacher something, especially if they have made or picked it themselves. It meant a lot to them to tell me and show me what they had chosen and see me smile and happy.

So I do buy for my own children’s, as for me it’s more about the child’s joy in making a card and picking a gift to give their teacher who they’ve bonded with all year, than it is about me thanking the teacher specifically if that makes sense. It’s helping my children, who aren’t old enough to buy themselves, as we do for family birthdays, Christmas, birthday parties for friends, etc.

I don’t do teachers gifts but I always get my DC to make a nice card. I think there is such a competition around these gifts and I don’t want to get involved. There are children who clearly do not come from well off households going in with massive gift bags and flower bouquets the size of the child, I am pretty sure that the teacher would prefer that those parents spent their money more wisely. I also grew up poor and remember my Mum stressing every year about what to buy for the teachers and just think it’s so silly.

I have a lot of teachers in my In-law family and they aren’t bothered by gifts (although obviously they are appreciated but they don’t go into school on the last day thinking ‘ooh I wonder what presents I will get today’)

Ten pounds is enough for a treat for your children in the holidays, and collections like this make those with not a lot of cash feel obliged to give.
Most teachers appreciate a card with a personal message, “My child has achieved X, been very happy, has lots of happy memories of you, etc.”
A small token like flowers from your garden, sweets, or strawberries and cream are more than enough, if you really want to.

Do it, don’t do it, it’s optional. This must be primary school level because once in secondary, they have a teacher per subject and no one does it! 😆 just opt out and say you’re doing your own thing? It’s no one’s business but your own anyway..

@Threecactusplants I much preferred the voucher for the teacher system, found it much easier and more afgordable. But it has to voluntary. If you want to put in £5 and someone else wants to put in £20, and someone foes not want to contribute that is fine too. That's how it worked when my kids were in primary. Then the money was split between the teachers and the class room assistants, depending on wether it was a job share.

I dont accept there is no pressure to buy

What you are describing is a like a popularity contest and isnt appropriate in what is supposed to be a profession.

When huge retail chains realised they could market it and guilt us into spending yet more money.

It's very frustrating, my son's class do it every year, though the suggested donation is 5 pounds. I was really annoyed when the person sorting it last year listed all the names of the kids who had donated, why not just say from class whatever. Could have really embarrassed the families that didn't donate.

My friend is a TA and got all sorts of crap that she neither wanted or needed. She is amazing with the kids but hated the whole gift thing at the end of term and would rather it didn't happen.
This was not a thing when I was in school in the 70's/80's

I have always given an edible (and therefore re-giftable shoud they chose to! ) present at school. I do remember one year though...a parent self elected themselves as the class representative and issued every child with a series of butterfly cut outs to decorate. I was then HOUNDED relentlessly to return these butterflies for them to be included in a giant canvas print and an album. I wasn't asked if I wanted to be involved. My child did not want to decorate them and I relaid this to the class 'rep' and yet was still hounded several times a day for them. I really wanted to say do you think the teacher wants a ginormous canvas full of shit butterflies in her home?! The thought was sweet but it just drove me mad. I removed myself from the class whatsapp group this day and avoided going through the school gates!

Teachers get paid for some of their work but a lot goes unpaid often leaving some working below minimum wage. They will have done unpaid work for your child all year. They will have ignored their own kids to put yours first at the detriment to their children's development and home life.

They also use their own money towards providing your child with the resources needed to make their education fun, creative and accessible.

A little bit of appreciation shows you recognise the significant amount of time, effort and money they have contributed towards your child's development and life that year.

For some parents it could also be a thank you for putting up with me as a parent gift - lord knows some teachers need that!

Of course you don’t have to contribute if you don’t want to.

Personally I think my DC’s teachers deserve a gift. They work bloody hard, day in day out, teaching and doing other work on top of that. They are not perfect but are mainly kind and patient and good at their jobs. Just because they are salaried doesn’t mean they don’t deserve a bit of appreciation, respect and generosity of spirit.

it is also good for the children to learn to appreciate what other people do.

I think it’s called human kindness.

Don’t they get a bit sticky?

Yes completely concur
They're oftentimes already spoiled with numerous numerous gifts & if my Childrens teachers haven't been brilliant or even off, you shouldn't feel guilt for not contributing
I must admit I empathise because I've given some teachers gifts in the hope they'll be kinder to my Sons, so I have compassionate understanding
Wishing You&Yours the utmost very best

This was a thing in the 70s. My parents didn’t believe in giving gifts to teachers. I used to dread the end of term when other families used to give generous gifts to teachers and I had nothing to give.

Thus I contributed to everything in my kids’ classes and bought teachers presents etc. I didn’t want them to feel that end of term embarrassment and dread.

I work in the NHS and in my trust we are not allowed to accept anything that costs over £5 due to governance and probity issues.

Oh I am sure they don’t go in the bin! I keep the heartfelt ones, and ones from parents who thank you for a specific incident/ moment/ lighting a spark is very appreciated. I do get paid, but I do treasure a lovely message. More than the gifts.

I am a parent of 3 who always gave a small gift - and wrote a card if I appreciated them. When they went to secondary if there was a very special teacher of a subject/ head of form they sometimes wrote a card and took in a box of chocolate. Y10 DS asked if we could send his lovely lovely form tutor a bottle of gin, so we had it delivered to school!

My children know these adults are on a paid salary, but I wanted to teach them gratitude, and acknowledging kindness/ something special. Now older 2 are young adults and one of them gave a box of chocolates and a card to Dr after GP placement. The GP apparently had tears in eyes and said ‘no one has ever done this before’. It cost DC 5 minutes and £7, but the knock on effect is priceless.

So - I don’t resent or hold grudges against people who don’t send card or gift. I get paid to do my job. But I have had to swallow hard in order not to cry in front of 7 year olds when I open some cards… and I am so grateful to the parents who wrote/ get children to write. There def should not be pressure to buy gifts, this does not come from teachers.

They will have ignored their own kids to put yours first at the detriment to their children's development and home life.

ie they are working parents. Like every other working parent. Such emotive nonsense.

This year, I've sent a £15 coffee voucher for both the class teacher and the TA with the following handwritten message:

"Dear X. Y (my child) is full of energy, as you're probably aware. He sucks it in from those round about him. If teaching Y depletes your energy levels in the same way as parenting him does to my energy levels, please have some caffeine on me to make things better. It's the least I can do.

P.S. Y thinks you're the best teacher ever. Thank you."

Each to their own, but I don't think that's excessive.

Our school do a collection, give what you'd like I'd you want to, it's then split between teacher and the TA's, normally some sort of lovely personalised baked goods, voucher and alcohol (if they drink). I have always contributed and then my children will do a personal little handmade card. We appreciate the teachers so much and our year group is quite a tricky group of children so I think they deserve ot even more!

Know schools that have asked parents not to give presents as:
. The teachers got loads of mugs at home
. Teachers have dietary restrictions or don’t drink alcohol for various reasons.
. It gets competitive and upsets some parents if they can’t afford to spend money.

These schools welcome cards from pupils

Many charity shops have these thank you teacher mugs in. As parents don’t seem to think that the teachers have any mugs at home.

I personally don't like it. Yes it is a choice . But theres always going to be them people that gossip. Sarah didn't put anything in. Bla bla. It feels like preasure. Some people dont have a tenner to spare.

Thank God they dont do it at ds school. No preasure. No shaming etc. My kids normally get them a book mark, key ring, magnet or something like that. They feel they have gutted ut and it feels more personal to them.

I agree that it makes no sense that this is even a thing.

My partner was a teacher and made it clear they didn’t want any money spent on them (sent an email/letter out about it)… they didn’t accept any gifts as they’re not comfortable about it.

Many teachers also don’t like it but don’t want to offend by saying no. They don’t want random things bought for them to go in their home and find space for and they feel embarrassed with something crazy like a spa voucher. Many teachers don’t drink and they are given alcohol because parents assume but don’t know them as people…. it just makes no sense.

I don’t like feeling guilt tripped into doing it too if I was a parent with a child at school. I wouldn’t do it anyway but it’s just odd.

Parents struggle enough with making ends meet, all the money they need to spend on uniforms and charity days throughout the year and school trips… a nice thank you note is fine if that’s what someone wants to do… but it shouldn’t be expected.

Yes there are the odd parent that loves doing this and showing off, or really feels thankful and does it genuinely and has the money for it, and there’s the odd teacher that is more than happy to take the gifts but I don’t think that’s really the norm.

You beat me to it 😆
Just the sticky part ..

Nope not like every other working parent. When you clock off at most jobs you clock off.

When a teacher is working to 1am and hasn't the time to even sit and doing reading or cook for their kids and someone else has to do it because they cannot then no it isn't the same. When the teacher works 7 days a week and cannot take time off to do basics with their kids like take them to swimming etc then no it isn't the same.

Since when have most jobs been 80 or 90 hour weeks? Give over!