Page 2 | To feel anxious no one is going to turn up to dds party

Dolliebobs · 2025-07-02T23:50:27+00:00

DD8 is turning 9 soon. She’s having a party at the end of July but due to breaking up for school on Friday I gave the invites out last week. she moved to this new school 3 weeks ago and has invited all the girls in her class (she’s having a cow girl theme). iv only heard from one parent out of 15 she’s invited. She breaks up tomorrow so I have no way of contacting anyone to chase up etc. Wwyd? :(

Shenmen · 03/07/2025 07:32

PollyBell · 03/07/2025 01:48

No offence to any child but unless my child (when younger) was friends with a child we would reply no thank you life is busy enough to tuen up to random children's birthday parties

It is polite to reply yes or no but i wish parents would stop sending heaps of birthday invitations for children they have no connections with

Oh that makes me sad for your kids. I guess people are different but for my kids a party would be the highlight of a weekend.

Schoolchoicesucks · 03/07/2025 07:34

PollyBell · 03/07/2025 01:48

No offence to any child but unless my child (when younger) was friends with a child we would reply no thank you life is busy enough to tuen up to random children's birthday parties

It is polite to reply yes or no but i wish parents would stop sending heaps of birthday invitations for children they have no connections with

The girl has just moved to the school after a rough time, has made some friends already and parent is including all the girls to be inclusive and strengthen these new friendships. If she followed your mindset, she wouldn't make those deeper friendships and some kids would, unfortunately, never receive invitations.
If you don't want to take your child to parties then crack on, send your excuses. But thank goodness not everyone is so closed minded and "too busy" to make time to try new things with new people.

Nina1013 · 03/07/2025 07:35

It’ll be the timing! Assume it’s a private school due to finishing this week - nearly everyone will be disappearing off on holiday between this weekend and the end of July. Every year is the same. Don’t try to have school hol parties in future - my daughter has a holiday birthday and we always celebrate it before school breaks up or there would be hardly anyone there.

EmeraldShamrock000 · 03/07/2025 07:38

Fingers crossed for you.
Invite some neighbours too and friends children, you're right to be concerned, especially as she is new and you don't have the parents phone numbers, maybe people are away, have plans, July birthdays are hard to attend.
I'd over invite, hope for the best.

CoffeeCantata · 03/07/2025 08:05

Sympathy OP. My daughter was born at the end of August and it was always a nightmare organising a party - people were away usually.

You only need about 6 guests for a nice home party so I’d focus on getting some kind of confirmation from that quorum and not stress about getting the whole class.

Good luck!

worldso · 03/07/2025 09:16

We always really try to go to parties but I have to admit I find the ones at people’s homes are less well attended than halls or soft play. I think people see it as more like a regular play date and not special (not meaning yours isn’t, just how people perceive them.)

EmilieDuChatelet · 03/07/2025 09:59

worldso · 03/07/2025 09:16

We always really try to go to parties but I have to admit I find the ones at people’s homes are less well attended than halls or soft play. I think people see it as more like a regular play date and not special (not meaning yours isn’t, just how people perceive them.)

I organised parties for my boys at our house for several years during their primary school years and I never felt that these were viewed as a play date eviqualent: I don't think I was mistaken in this. Kids were clear that it was special and took the cue that it was an event.
OP I would contact the parents especially because it's at the end of term and you can tell them what you are organising for the party. It builds the anticipation 😁 Hope it all goes well and I love the party theme.

Energywise · 03/07/2025 10:23

Do you not have a class WhatsApp? My ds is 9 and parties are still done via the group. Also it’s a great way of keeping track of the attendees.

but tbh, a child that started 3 weeks ago and who my dc would probably have no contact with during the holidays, I’m sure he wouldn’t want to attend. So I do think you went a bit big too soon.
Also A lot of people might be travelling then too.
How Did you send out the invites? Can you not redo it with just a few friends, take them somewhere and cut the cake at your place.

DiscoPig · 03/07/2025 10:26

PollyBell · 03/07/2025 01:48

No offence to any child but unless my child (when younger) was friends with a child we would reply no thank you life is busy enough to tuen up to random children's birthday parties

It is polite to reply yes or no but i wish parents would stop sending heaps of birthday invitations for children they have no connections with

You get that this child has just moved to the school, so has no connections at all with children there yet? So it makes sense, if the OP can afford it, to have a whole-class party. I doubt it was intended to irritate parents who feel that adding a party date to their overcommitted summer holiday is too much.

pourmeadrinkpls · 03/07/2025 12:19

Schoolchoicesucks · 03/07/2025 07:34

The girl has just moved to the school after a rough time, has made some friends already and parent is including all the girls to be inclusive and strengthen these new friendships. If she followed your mindset, she wouldn't make those deeper friendships and some kids would, unfortunately, never receive invitations.
If you don't want to take your child to parties then crack on, send your excuses. But thank goodness not everyone is so closed minded and "too busy" to make time to try new things with new people.

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Absolutely. Your attitude sux @pollybell

Garbera · 03/07/2025 13:09

worldso · 03/07/2025 09:16

We always really try to go to parties but I have to admit I find the ones at people’s homes are less well attended than halls or soft play. I think people see it as more like a regular play date and not special (not meaning yours isn’t, just how people perceive them.)

I've never come across this sort of snobbery round here. A party is a party. I do think you might struggle for numbers OP but just because 2-3 weeks into school hols people will be away.

Parties at home tend to have fewer invitees, because space, but I really would not want to be friends with anyone who thinks "oh it's just a home party, we won't bother."

worldso · 03/07/2025 13:17

Garbera · 03/07/2025 13:09

I've never come across this sort of snobbery round here. A party is a party. I do think you might struggle for numbers OP but just because 2-3 weeks into school hols people will be away.

Parties at home tend to have fewer invitees, because space, but I really would not want to be friends with anyone who thinks "oh it's just a home party, we won't bother."

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It isn’t snobbery I wouldn’t say; it isn’t people sort of saying ‘oh how dreadful, a party at a house.’ It’s more that because it’s more akin to a play date people have a more laid back sort of attitude towards it. One of the school mums is having a party for her Dd and a lot of people have pulled out and I think that’s the difference.

pourmeadrinkpls · 03/07/2025 13:42

Garbera · 03/07/2025 13:09

I've never come across this sort of snobbery round here. A party is a party. I do think you might struggle for numbers OP but just because 2-3 weeks into school hols people will be away.

Parties at home tend to have fewer invitees, because space, but I really would not want to be friends with anyone who thinks "oh it's just a home party, we won't bother."

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Yeah no one normal would think this of a party at home!

pourmeadrinkpls · 03/07/2025 13:42

worldso · 03/07/2025 13:17

It isn’t snobbery I wouldn’t say; it isn’t people sort of saying ‘oh how dreadful, a party at a house.’ It’s more that because it’s more akin to a play date people have a more laid back sort of attitude towards it. One of the school mums is having a party for her Dd and a lot of people have pulled out and I think that’s the difference.

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You're nuts.

Geranium1984 · 03/07/2025 13:45

We have a class whatsapp and the birthday invitations all go out on this, although they are all class parties as kids are still young.
Is there a school online portal where you can get other parents contact details?

worldso · 03/07/2025 14:55

pourmeadrinkpls · 03/07/2025 13:42

You're nuts.

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Why, because I said that a lot of people pulled out of a party?

I am honestly lost in what I’ve said that makes me ‘nuts’.

Bitzee · 03/07/2025 15:10

I think an end of July party was a mistake in all honesty. Most people will be away, especially if it’s a private school where they’ll want to get ahead of the state schools and/or maybe even have second homes. Others might be juggling childcare that’ll make it difficult to RSVP e.g. kids will likely be doing an extended stay with Grandma but don’t know when yet. One mum put out a feeler for an end of potential end July party in our class group at not one kid could make it. Then since you’ve gone with paper invites you’re also risking them getting lost or festering in school bags with no opportunity to follow up.

I see from your update that you have 1 number- I would message that mum and see if there’s a group chat for the class you can be added to and resend the invite there but I wouldn’t be holding your breath for acceptances just because of the timing. Was the one you’ve heard from a yes? If you can’t reach anyone else why not ask if that girl wants to join for a family day out or have a sleepover or something instead? Then consider throwing a belated party in September when everyone will be back from holiday. And make it clear to your DD that it’s the timing and holidays that are the issue not her! She’s done fantastically well to settle into a new school so quickly so you don’t want to dent her confidence.

Eldermileniummam · 03/07/2025 15:23

Could you text back the one who has replied, saying you haven't heard back from anyone else and don't have their numbers since you're new to the area, and are there any parents she had contact with and could ask for you? She probably has some of the other parents' numbers and there may even be a class WhatsApp.

Eldermileniummam · 03/07/2025 15:25

worldso · 03/07/2025 14:55

Why, because I said that a lot of people pulled out of a party?

I am honestly lost in what I’ve said that makes me ‘nuts’.

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I've never come across this before but also it's a bit mean to just "pull out" if by that you mean they said yes then changed their minds.

BruisedNeckMeat · 03/07/2025 15:25

Make a contingency plan for the day. As pp have said, if it’s a private school (which I assume it is breaking up this early) there will be a mass exodus of people going on holiday to beat the state school rush.

You have my sympathy - my eldest have an awkward birthday for parties and I nearly broke my heart the first time I tried to organise something and realised barely anyone would come. We did a really special day out instead and in subsequent years did joint parties with other kids slightly earlier.

justkeepswimingswiming · 03/07/2025 15:32

Dont worry my sons party we barely got any repiles so invited a few more kids… they all turned up + the other kids we invited. 🙈 im sure yours will be the same!

minipie · 03/07/2025 15:34

Solasum · 03/07/2025 05:20

The end of July is a hopeless time for school based parties. Most people will be away, or juggling childcare logistics.

I would seriously consider rescheduling until late September, by which point hopefully she will have made some stronger friendships, and making July a family only party.

Agree with this. I know loads of summer born kids and nobody tries having their party in the summer holidays, it’s either the last couple weeks of school or September.

I would rearrange

Caramelty · 03/07/2025 15:37

Message the mum you have heard from and say “please could you help, since you’ve been kind enough to already reply …I sent out these party invites and dd is not sure if anyone else is coming and I do not have anyone else’s number - do you know if there’s a class WhatsApp I could join so I could try and identify some of parents?”

she is sure to help!

TinyCottageGirl · 03/07/2025 15:42

pourmeadrinkpls · 03/07/2025 01:10

I have the exact problem! Go early for drop off/pick up and get as many numbers as you can, and hopefully some parents will also have other parents numbers. You still have time! But also just have enough food, and don't stress too much as long as a few people come it will be fine! I hope your DD has a great time 😊 ETA: you have loads of time, also maybe print out reminder leaflets for the bags!

Edited

This is a great idea, try and speak to some of the parents at pick up/drop off and get some numbers. I'm sure a few kids will come who are free etc.

YesNoMaybeDefinitely · 03/07/2025 17:04

Contact the mum who RSVP'd and ask her to add you to the class WhatsApp group or for other parents' contact details.

If they haven't RSVP'd, they're not coming or haven't got the invite. Showing up without rsvp-ing is much less common in private schools ime.

Plan parties for term time in future.. At my DC's school no one plans parties for half terms and holidays but people make a real effort to attend parties during the term.

Move the party to September if people can't come. It won't be anything to do with your DD but simply logistics. Parents at our school have moved parties before if potential attendance is low, and no one bats an eyelid.