Boy showed private parts to Dd in the pool

[Coconutstopickupinthemorning]

Willy, penis..you get the gist.

Today I took my 6 year old to the swimming pool, she quickly made friends with a boy, looked maybe 8 ish, he seemed nice and they were playing lots in the pool. Lots of chasing games and on each other’s backs etc. Chatted to the mum a bit who was nice and when we left, he asked her to ask me if we could come at the same time tomorrow and I said maybe.
I was chatting to Dd in the car asking if she had fun etc, she said yes and liked the boy, but that he showed her his willy and she said ‘Eurgh!’ and that was that, she didn’t seem too bothered by it.
As I was driving back, I started thinking we won’t go back tomorrow because of him doing that, but that i’d make an excuse up to Dd,
I told Dh and he said boys do things like that and he’s only little and just messing about.
Dds best friend is a boy and I can’t see him ever doing something like that

Am I being over the top?

I think by age 8 they should kind of know it isn't appropriate

I would be very concerned about this behaviour and I think your H is very much underplaying it.
Of course its not normal for an 8 year old boy to show his private parts to a younger girl who he has only just met and doesn't know.
I would be thinking up some other activity to do tomorrow that your DD will enjoy and just tell her you've decided to do that instead.

He's older than your DD and should understand more at 8 years old. Or his parents should be telling him its private. My nephews do stupid stuff like this with each other! But never to strangers, that's not okay. You should say something to your DD. Very casual, but I would make sure she knows that it's unacceptable behaviour and to always come and tell you if anyone does something similar.

I don’t think you are being over the top. At the same time your dh is not wrong that this is pretty common behaviour for small boys (although 8 seems a little old for it).

If it was a longstanding friend or a classmate you might need to have an awkward conversation with the mum so they can talk to the kid about it. But in your position, with a kid you only just met, I would do the same and just give it a swerve.

Yes, I just didn’t like it at all

Yes, we’re definitely not going, I’ve already told her it’s closed tomorrow. We do go other times though, so am hoping he’s not there, if he is, I will mention it to his mum though. She seemed on the ball and quite strict with her two children, so I can see her telling him off and not being offended, if that makes sense

Yes. I wasn’t sure how to approach it, I didn’t want to worry her, I kept it casual, but did ask ig he asked her to do the same, she said no. I told her to tell him not to do it. I will mention again tomorrow that she should always tell me, it’s doing it without scaring her though, she’s still so young
Such a shame as they got on really well

Something similar happened with a boy to my son in the past. I would avoid when they go completely and if you do bump into them again you have to be honest to the mum, because chances are he is doing it to other people because he finds it funny/rude

At eight the boy should understand that his penis should not be on public display in a swimming pool and that he should not "flashing" other children.

Sadly this type of action can indicate he has been groomed or been subjected to actual sexual abuse. So you are not over reacting.

I woud not minimise the act as boys will be boys but rather go with has not be taught that its rude but should have been told not to do that etc. and that if it happens again that your daughter stops interacting and comes to you to report what happened.

I would contact the pool just so the pool has a record of what happened.

An 8 year should know it's inappropriate. I don't know if it's common like DH said but he also shouldn't be accepting of it and playing it down. He should be telling his daughter it is unacceptable and she should not accept this kind of behaviour from a boy (or girl ofcourse) and that private parts are private.

It was possibly innocent but it’s just not a risk worth taking. Always listen to your gut.

Dh just said this to me when chatting, wouldn’t say it to Dd

Yes, my gut reaction was to take it seriously, but I am quite paranoid about these things, so wasn’t sure if I was being over the top

The op thinks he is 8, but it could be he is you ger than the op thinks.

My 6 year old boy knows this isn't ok and private parts are private, they learned this from reception and we'd had similar chats. He loves a toilet joke as much as the next small boy but showing your penis isn't just boys being silly especially by 8.

Agree with your approach. Yes re-iterate the message, but try not give her the impression that you’re too alarmed about it because then she might feel like she’s done something wrong, when she hasn’t.

Praise her for telling you. Explain she did the right thing because the boy shouldn’t have been showing his willy and that she should always tell you if anyone does anything like that. Short and factual. Starting with praise will reassure her and won’t make a big deal about it whilst getting the message across.

It’s possible, but definitely older than my Dd

I thought this, but would it seem like making too much of it if I now say it tomorrow after the time has passed. It’s so hard how to do it the right way as she’s obviously still so little and innocent 😔

Yes exactly

I wouldn’t go back but I would tell your dad why. She needs to know it’s not acceptable behaviour and she shouldn’t tolerate it

I put you are being unreasonable, because there's no way I would have allowed them to be jumping on each other's backs etc, with the age gap and the fact they only just met.

They were playing in the pool, lots of kids in there, my Dd is 7 in summer, one of her best friends is 8, one 5. They were just being normal kids as ive seen her do before, with zero issues normally

YANBU. The boy is old enough to know better. You are right to keep your daughter away. Don’t young children get exposed to pornography from a young age?

Please speak to your daughter and tell her that this behaviour is not something she should have to put up with and if this happens again to tell you straight away!

Also have a word with your husband.

Hmm I think I would want to go back to tell the mum what had happened.
How do you know he was definitely older than DD? It can be hard to judge children based on size and I was wondering if there is the possibility he is actually younger and immature.
I would be chatting to DD too about this not being appropriate and to tell an adult immediately. I am not sure I would have been happy though with her climbing on strangers as that is quite over familiar in terms of space with someone she has just met and I would have stopped this when I saw it going on. I would be talking to her about safe space and touch and who it's ok to be close to.