To accept we will never move home due to the prices

[LioKa]

DH and I purchased our first home 5 years ago - very much a starter home, quite compact and always intended to be our first step on the ladder.

Yes, it has increased in value, but looking at what would be the natural next step in terms of property size - prices are just bonkers and we’d be taking on a much bigger Mortgage which would not leave much room for luxuries such as holidays.

We are both in decent jobs but realistically our earnings can only increase by so much in the best future. Likewise no help from family not that we’d ever expect it.

Has anyone else ‘accepted their lot’ in terms of moving and tried to come to terms with the fact it’s just not affordable?

Yes us! We are following my parents who still live in the house they bought when they married 50 years ago

I always thought out two bed end terrace would be our first home together. We had our son and then another . They are 2 and 3. I have accepted that this ‘5 year starter home’ will now be our for ever home . The location. Is good but it is small and our children will have to share a bedroom. We are racking our Brians to see if we can extend but we have a small plot, we are end terrace and we can’t extend into the roof!
We earn 100k between us but the 3 bed , family home I thought and imagined us to have would mean that we were always skimping !!!!!! I worry if anything went wrong we would be very vulnerable financially. When we renewed our mortgage rate - we ended up with an increase of 400 a month!

So - I have accepted our starter home is our home. We can hopefully over pay our mortgage a little and be mortgage free by 50. We can go on holidays and afford to save and live a little ! But it is not the dream house !!!!!

Exactly, if children had to choose between a big bedroom to themselves or their parents having less stress and being able to be more present for them, I bet I could guess what they'd go for!

Well no.
To go from a 2 bed to a 3 bed is about 25k moving costs and then £1000 pcm.
We can’t afford that.

Stop insinuating that if I stop getting my nails done, stop the takeaways and ordering shit off the internet and start budgeting we can have the bigger house.

It’s not viable. We already don’t have the luxuries. We don’t holiday or eat out !

You make my blood boil . Get in the real world and read the room.

Years ago people used to buy a terrace and live in it happily for life. People just make themselves sad and stressed by always chasing after the next house. Life is for living and money is for more than bricks.

on this note that's how it goes. We are about to have an extension built to increase space but we dont' think we will see a return on investmemt, we will enjoy the extra space though.

More generally, I feel for you. we are in our forties and we bought 3 years ago house big enough that we're likely to stay in for most of the rest of our lives. We've only managed it due to a coupel of inheritances. However I worry a lot about how our chidlren will ever be able to afford anything at all.

I think I differ slightly. What counts most for me is my home, my living space, it’s where I spend most of my time and there’s no way I’d compromise that just for some luxuries like holidays.

having a nice home space is vital for me and there are things I’d give up so I could have it

That’s a strong reaction to a quite sensible post

It’s a choice between holidays /clothes/ meals out etc or bigger house.

😆

I think we are reverting back to the way it used to be where people just lived in 'normal' houses with box rooms and siblings sharing. There has been abit of a thing in the past couple of decades that we must all be upgrading to something bigger and flashier over and over again to prove to everyone how well we are doing. I think things are swinging the other way now.

We rented for years and had 3 children in a 3 bed semi. We then were able to get the deposit together through saving through the pandemic and MIL gifting us a 15% deposit after inheritance.
We started looking and there were sacrifices to be made. We could not afford a 4 bed detached in the nice side of town where lots of our friends lived as they bought 20 years ago. Instead for nearly half the price we got a 4 bed end terrace ex-council with on street parking in the (historically) rough part of town. Now our street is lovely and quiet, no issues at all from anyone and is getting full of people moving over from bristol, house is great, affordable bills and although DS1 is in the box room it still is big enough for bed, desk, triple wardrobe and shelves. We are in the process in creating parking spaces at the end of the back garden which solves the parking issue.
We could look at moving to a bigger detached but the costs of moving plus the increased mortage are just not worth it. Kids are now about to start moving out to uni and in 5-6 years we will be empty nesters (although prepared for kids to maybe come back to live if needed) and I would rather use extra mooney to travel and have fun (plus maintain the property we have) rather than a bigger house which we don't really need.

The other option is to relocate to a cheaper area, which obviously involves jobs, family issues etc. But potentially is there anywhere else in the country you wouldn’t mind living that you could feasibly find jobs and could afford a bigger property?

We had a similar situation when we lived in London. We had a 2 bed flat, which whilst lovely, was too small for a growing family. Trying to find a 3 bed was costing an additional £100k which we just couldn't afford.

So we moved out of the city, leaving friends/family behind. However, we bought a 5 bed detached for less than the value of our London flat.

We made the sacrifice of being further away from our support network and had to commute. However, even with added travel costs we had a better quality of life, more space, and (after 3 miscarriages in London) I was relaxed enough to get pregnant.

Would moving further afield be an option for you?

We're in a similar boat. Mid 40s, both earn a decent wage for the area we live in. We're looking to move on from our first home but to actually move up the ladder we'd be more than doubling our borrowing, which in itself is much more expensive than it was when we bought this place 12 years ago.

Almost in a state of paralysis with it really. It feels like there should be something in between where we are and what we've seen, but there just isn't.

Appreciate it's very much a first world problem. I grew up in council houses on estates that weren't very nice and our place already feels a world away from that, but at the same time it feels like the hopes and aspirations we had of moving up the ladder are quite far away too.

I don't think we'll ever buy...we are in our fifties!

The only thing you have to accept is your mindset. That’s the only obstacle I can see. My parents are like you. No risk. No flexibility. Just stay with the status quo. As you’ve probably guessed I’ve rebelled against this mindset in my life! If you are happy that’s fine.

We are having this exact debacle now. I love my house (terraced cottage) we have been here 13 years, when we wanted one dog and zero children. Now we have one child and two big dogs 😂 and it really is too small. Gone round in circles having storage experts come in to give ideas, have looked at ground floor extensions but they cost a fortune too and won’t solve all the problems, we don’t have tons of clothes or toys and are always declutterring but we still don’t have enough room and moving makes sense. We can never have any family to stay which is really sad, and when DD is older and wants friends round I have no idea where they’ll play as it’s all one room downstairs, we have no hallway and it’s so hard with a kid and muddy dogs…I know it’s time to move but omg the jump up is eye watering. Good thing we love camping (hopefully we can get a house with a garage this time so we can actually store the tent etc properly 😂😂😂😂) as there will be no holidays for a while! At least the end of our nursery fees is on the horizon…

Yes it’s difficult to accept that life has changed so much so fast. So many of us were born into one economy and social culture, inducted into a world where if you played by the rules and worked there would be a reward. Instead… well I’m a late gen Xer born into poverty and so with the life experience of a millennial. I’ve spent my whole life in the shadow of the baby boomers, working for them, and there will never now be any of the rewards I was promised. In some ways I’ve improved on my parents, thanks to education I have better food and thanks to various factors in combination I can grow a little. It’ll have to be enough. Financially I’m worse off, in a country that is collapsing around me, with women’s rights going backwards and men as worthless as they ever were. But I’ve done what I could with the hand I was dealt.

The worst bit is the lies and gaslighting, the shit about change positivity and change management, imposed by the boomer generation. They will go down in history as liars, effectively abusers on the whole.

Anyone else thinking of the collapse of Rome??!?

Your ‘a bit shit’ was perfect for this family. It’s not all about having the biggest something, the newest something, the shiniest something etc.

They both had modest incomes in professional jobs but were able to have great family holidays, pay for not so cheap hobbies, drive a reliable car etc. Now the kids have flown the nest they’re not rattling around in a huge house and are having a wonderful retirement.

If you want it, go without holidays for a few years until your salaries grow a little.

Or look at a doer-upper. There is always a way.

Or accept 'your level'.

You can pay self storage to store stuff like seasonal camping or bikes.
Kids can share in bunk beds.
Extending even a little will help with space.
You do not need a big house if your life style is to enjoy holidays etc

We used to live in the SE and really, the only way to manage this was to move to a cheaper area. But that was possible for us both as we could move jobs, and we were young enough to take it on. Obviously that's not possible or even desirable for everyone.

We bought a 2 bed quasi semi that ad the large front bedroom divided. Had 1 child then. Next had a baby 16 months later twins so did a double extension made another 2 bedrooms albeit small rooms.paid off mortgage when children were babies. Now we have an empty nest the two room in the extension are knocked through to create a big master bedroom and we have all the space we need

We were fortunate to move from an expensive area to a much cheaper area. We didn't do this for the house it was just a happy coincidence but for better commutes and a more rural lifestyle
Our mortgage went from £600 to £750 a month switching from a semi to a detached house. We still kept with the bottom of what we technically could afford. I was made redundant in February and found out I was pregnant the same day and am facing a 2 year career break and I'm so glad that we didn't push our budget as we can happily manage on one salary for this time frame with my redundancy money. I'd take less money stress over a bigger house.

Not everyone can buy everything they want.

A lot of people who are relatively well off still want more stuff but can't afford it.

The best solution to affording more is to up your wages rather than try to save money.

I feel the opposite, new builds are becoming smaller and smaller. I’ve seen new houses near me on the market for £700/800 k that have 2nd and 3rd bedrooms that barely measure into double figures. If I’m spending that sort of money I’d want a bedroom bigger than 12’x9’6” ! And as for the rediculous cost of stamp duty, makes moving totally unaffordable for many.