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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

To think it’s unreasonable to spend this much on a wedding

44 replies

kikikaka · 02/07/2025 20:03

A family member I am no longer close to is getting married next year in April, we have just received the invite, it’s abroad and I’ve checked the resort and it will be around 3,000 for flights and half board for myself, DP and DD. AIBU to think this is mad to expect people to pay this much for someone else’s wedding? We also have another abroad wedding the month after too. I don’t really know if I should go or not as I know my family will be disappointed if I don’t get

OP posts:

Generaltwat · 02/07/2025 20:05

You don't have to go.

If it's a place where you would like to have a holiday then it might be nice to combine the two.

However you say you are no longer close, so just decline if you like.

PoliteBee · 02/07/2025 20:05

Can you stay just outside the resort to save money?

Where is it?

Notreallyme27 · 02/07/2025 20:05

“Sorry, we’ve got another wedding abroad this year that’s already booked and we can’t afford both unfortunately. Have a wonderful day”.

They might be a bit disappointed but they’ll understand.

Upsetbetty · 02/07/2025 20:06

It’s an invite not a summons, don’t go if you don’t want to…

NoSoupForU · 02/07/2025 20:06

I absolutely refuse to go to abroad weddings. I'm not wasting my precious leave going somewhere I don't particularly want to go, with a load of people I don't want to be on holiday with. Never mind the cost.

I feel the same about abroad hen dos.

MissScarletInTheBallroom · 02/07/2025 20:07

You don't have to go.

Nobody else gets to dictate how you spend your money and annual leave.

If one of the people who will be disappointed if you don't go wants to pay for your whole family to go, you can then decide whether it's worth spending your annual leave on.

Purplecatshopaholic · 02/07/2025 20:10

If it’s a place I want to visit I would probably go. Otherwise I would decline.

Dearg · 02/07/2025 20:14

I think if it seems like too much money to spend on it, then you should decline.

I would not want to spend £3000 plus gift plus outfits etc unless it was someone I really cared about/ was close to; so if this couple op is not that to you, just say thanks, but no thanks.

TeachesOfPeaches · 02/07/2025 20:23

You were probably invited out of politeness and not actually expected to attend if you’re no longer close

Maddy70 · 02/07/2025 20:34

Don't go.

Vaxtable · 02/07/2025 20:36

Don’t go. I have refused all invitations to go abroad for weddings

Arlanymor · 02/07/2025 20:37

I wouldn't let someone else dictate when I take my leave or what I spend my money on. And you're not even close? It's a no-brainer isn't it?

Cherrysoup · 02/07/2025 20:39

Genuinely think people are mad expecting guests to spend that much on their wedding.

Vitrolinsanity · 02/07/2025 20:40

Do t go then.

DappledThings · 02/07/2025 20:40

AIBU to think this is mad to expect people to pay this much for someone else’s wedding? Inviting is not the same as expecting. They might be inviting you just out of politeness or they might genuinely really want you there. Either way they are necessarily expecting you to stump up. And if other family are they can either deal with it or subsidise you.

It's absolutely fine to have a wedding abroad if that's what you want as long as you accept that not everyone will come just as it absolutely fine to decline the invitation.

TheChosenTwo · 02/07/2025 20:41

I think people that have weddings abroad expect a lot of people not to come.
If they wanted everyone there they would have made it more accessible to all.
Decline if you don’t want to go, it’s fine.

I personally love an abroad wedding, only been invited to 2 but we’ve tied it in with a bigger holiday, both times to places we may never have gotten round to visiting otherwise.

Rosybud88 · 02/07/2025 20:41

If you have a wedding abroad you have to accept that people may decline for obvious reasons. Just decline and say ‘apologies we have already committed to another wedding abroad this year, we wish you all the best.’

Cracklingsilverwear · 02/07/2025 20:42

If you can afford and want to go - that’s brilliant - accept and have a super time.

if you can’t afford it or it’s too far etc - politely decline.

your family can be as ‘disappointed’ as they want you to be be…. If it matters to them that much that you are there they can pay or they can get over themselves and respect your decisions.

when you chose to get married abroad at considerable cost to others if they come - you have to expect that not everyone invited will be able to come. That’s life.

arcticpandas · 02/07/2025 20:45

I always turn abroad weddings down. If people think that the destination is more important than having family/friends present then that's on them. We have always been honest and said that we simply cannot afford it.

ShamrockShenanigans · 02/07/2025 20:49

They don't necessarily expect you to just because you're invited.

Especially if you're no longer close.

In fact they'd probably be surprised if you accepted.

IPreferShoesToIssues · 02/07/2025 20:50

We went to a family members wedding overseas. We initially said we weren’t going as it was expensive and in school term time.

We got massive pushback from family and we predicted never being forgiven, so we went.

It cost us £5k and a week off work. What’s more, there was no room for us in the hotel they reserved room at and we had to stay elsewhere.

We sucked it up and went but since then I’ve seen this couple once a year because I can’t be bothered with a couple of self absorbed people who expect other people to go short all year for their wedding.

whynotmereally · 02/07/2025 20:54

I’d go abroad for my child, sibling or best friends wedding but otherwise unless it was in a country I wanted to visit and I could turn it into our summer holiday I would decline.

The last abroad wedding we went to was about 7 years ago for my husbands best friend it cost £900 for the 2 of us for 3 nights.

ANiceBigCupOfTea · 02/07/2025 20:54

I would only pay to go to a destination wedding for someone I was really close to.

Sunshineismyfavourite · 02/07/2025 20:55

YANBU.
Some people are literally crazy and live in a fantasy Instagram world.
It is ridiculous to expect family and friends to fork out thousands of pounds to attend your wedding. If you can and you want to go then great. But I would imagine it would be a massive stretch or an impossibility for many people.
If your family are that bothered about you not going then they can pay!

RampantIvy · 02/07/2025 21:07

You don't have to go.
Nobody else gets to dictate how you spend your money and annual leave.

"I'm sorry, I can't make it, and please don't guilt trip me into spending money I don't have into attending"

If your relatives want you to go they can pay.

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