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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To think it’s unreasonable to spend this much on a wedding

44 replies

kikikaka · 02/07/2025 20:03

A family member I am no longer close to is getting married next year in April, we have just received the invite, it’s abroad and I’ve checked the resort and it will be around 3,000 for flights and half board for myself, DP and DD. AIBU to think this is mad to expect people to pay this much for someone else’s wedding? We also have another abroad wedding the month after too. I don’t really know if I should go or not as I know my family will be disappointed if I don’t get

OP posts:
mindutopia · 02/07/2025 21:14

I wouldn’t go because I don’t even spend that much on holidays, unless something really special (for example, we went to San Francisco for 2.5 weeks and it cost us probably £5000 at the time).

But no doubt there were people who came to our wedding for whom it was a “wedding abroad” as we live in the UK, but I’m not British. We had family and friends who came from NZ, Australia, India, Europe and the US. One family member literally interrupted a year long round the world trip to fly to the UK and then back to the other side of the world to come. Would I travel that far for a wedding? Not unless it was one of my dc. 😂 But some people would. I never expected any of them to though.

outerspacepotato · 02/07/2025 21:23

It seems like the expectations for destination weddings have gotten out of hand.

Economic times are tough. Not everybody has money to blow flying to someone else's weddings and the travel and hotel or b n b costs, plus trying to get annual leave.

It leaves people poorer and possibly not in financial shape or have enough leave to take their own vacation.

Just tell them you already have things booked and can't make it. Their expectations are for them to manage, not you. I mean, look, you're not even close. Send a gift. Sheesh.

RaininSummer · 02/07/2025 21:23

Yes it's crazy so don't go.

Endofyear · 02/07/2025 21:52

It's an invite - you don't have to go. It's fine to decline and say it's too expensive for you to travel.

MistyMountainTop · 02/07/2025 21:57

My sister got married abroad, none of her family went (3 didn't even have passports!) and the groom didn't have any family!

BeeryZ · 02/07/2025 21:58

It would be unreasonable if they expect you to go. If you’re not close they probably assume you will decline .

curious79 · 02/07/2025 22:04

£3k for 3 people….

1 night at Le Meurice in Paris… not sure I’d want to go

5 days / a week somewhere really nice? Good company - not close but enjoy being around them? Count me in

Hatty65 · 02/07/2025 22:15

I wouldn't consider this for a moment. Not even if it was my sister.

I don't have that amount of money.

InterestedDad37 · 02/07/2025 22:40

Send her a link to this thread 😀

AvidJadeShaker · 02/07/2025 22:46

It’s not U if you want to go and are happy to spend that, if not then that’s not U either.

I’ve actually just returned from my third wedding abroad as a guest and they have all been absolutely incredible. I don’t think I could stay more than a couple of nights at the wedding venue though as I find the socialising tiring.

Funnyduck60 · 03/07/2025 18:15

I rarely go to zny weddings. Hate them and they cost a fortune to go with clothed and accommodation plus a gift. Most couples have been living together for years anyway so not really on board with lavish weddings in the circumstances.

aWeeCornishPastie · 03/07/2025 18:22

No one’s holding a gun to your head saying you must attend. You politely decline and give your reasons for doing so

Plantladylover · 03/07/2025 18:56

It's an invite not an Order or legal summons.

You choose to go or not. You are an adult in charge of your own actions and finances.

Who cares if other family members are upset with you saying no. If they are that upset they can Pay for you to go.

Utterly ridiculous that you would worry what people think of you deciding NOT to spend up to 5k on someone else's wedding g

Crushed23 · 03/07/2025 19:07

I love abroad weddings because I love any excuse to travel. Rarely are they in places that you can’t make a trip out of. But if you don’t want to go / can’t afford it, just decline.

Radionowhere · 03/07/2025 20:05

They won't be expecting you to go, they're inviting you out of politeness.

Createausername1970 · 03/07/2025 20:13

Oh dear, OP, it's such a shame you can't get the time off work. You asked, of course, but unfortunately that week clashes with others who have booked this time off already.

Its the one scenario that pushy family really can't argue with.

Commonsenseisnotsocommon · 03/07/2025 21:41

You don't have to go and if you're not even close anymore she is likely only inviting you out of politeness anyway.

RampantIvy · 03/07/2025 22:56

Who cares if other family members are upset with you saying no. If they are that upset they can Pay for you to go.

I agree.

PermanentTemporary · 03/07/2025 22:59

I must say we had an amazing holiday built round my dp’s only niece’s wedding. But if we couldn’t have afforded it we wouldn’t have gone.

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