To be so fucking reasonable all the time

[Dullasfuck]

I'm 45. I have two children, 9 and 11, and a very nice husband. I'm British, living in Spain, and DH is Spanish.

Every single thing I do seems to be driven by what is reasonable. I eat all my veggies and my fibre and my protein, I make my kids so the same, i do my exercise, I don't drink much because peri-menopause says no, I am completely reliable at work, I am as even-tempered as I can manage, when I am socialising I am the goofy English woman who speaks fluent Spanish but without the nuance or 90s cultural references of the friend group.

I am completely fed up of my entire life being so reasonable. I miss the stupid nights out of my 20s, or just eating whatever I want because why the fuck not, or just sometimes drinking too much and leaving everything behind me. I think about the nights out in my 20s, in a culture I understand through and through, just drinking and chatting to everyone around me and smoking cigarettes because why the fuck not?

I know I'm incredibly lucky- luckier than I could ever have imagined in my 20s - to have children and a nice DH and a job I enjoy. So why do I feel like a caged animal who just for an hour or two wants to give absolutely no fucks?

I think almost every mother in her 40s feels this way. Women in their 40s don't think about themselves because they're busy taking care of everyone else. And yes, that breeds contempt. But, my dear, somewhere between now and 10 years into the future, you will go through menopause, and your perspective will change. You might have a hard time with it, but you will come out the other end still being responsible and respectful, but kinda not giving a shit about some of the things you give a shit about now, and that will feel incredible and liberating, and you'll find the old you again, and you'll be delighted with yourself.

I am 49. My kids are still young-ish, but old enough to do stuff we like together. Their dad has left but we're still on good terms. Things are fantastic for everyone.

I mean, you know you can do some of these things. You don't need anyone's permission. Eat some cake, have a smoke, have a drink. No one is stopping you.

You sound intellectually bored. Couldn’t you do the same job from Spain, maybe commuting over once a month for a few days?

Could you take up a spirt that demands some risk taking eg scuba diving/ sailiing/ etc. Somewhere on your own where you can have an adventure, challenge yourself and especially have fun.

You need a yearly girls trip. Every year I go away with my best pal abroad for four nights and we just leave life behind and have four nights of silliness, laughs and dancing. It does you good to just go a bit crazy now and again @Liketheclappers
Totally agree - i do this with my sister- not abroad but normally a gig to see a band we both swoon over. We have a ball and I always come home knackered but refreshed and feeling like 'me' again. Keep on at her to get a passport so we can go further afield!

I think old friends that you grew up with, and got pissed together.Smoked a joint, shared tales of BF are priceless.Everyone loses a little bit of themselves when they marry and have DC. Your new friends see you as a grown up.safe and a little bland .Can u see some friends from the UK maybe a trip home beckons? Perimeno pause can bring up feelings like these

I think this is also very reasonable. I feel like this too sometimes so I gather my naughtiest mates and go feral (drinks, dancing, may or may not partake in the occassional party drug) for a night. I feel terrible for a few days afterwards but also lighter and refreshed.

Someone I know is lives a very pure vegan life but on her 2 trips abroad per year she eats meat for every meal 😂 she says what happens abroad doesn’t count