Cousin’s Wedding - my husband (and children) excluded

[BeAquaPombear]

So as the title suggests, my cousin is getting married in August. I was really excited for her, and had already asked if my children could come (boys aged 2 and 3). She said of course.
I received the invite today, only I am invited to the ceremony!
My husband and children are invited to the reception which is 2 hours later.
We live about an hour and a half drive away, and the ceremony is at 9.15am! So we will have to get two very small children up and out really early for something they aren’t then even part of!
When I have questioned this, she said the registry office has limited capacity (45 guests). I replied that she could have given me a heads up, or even just invited my husband to the ceremony (I could have asked a relative to have the children). She just said she’s sorry that I feel that way.
I totally get that it’s her day, but I just find it really rude to exclude my husband at least from the ceremony.
For reference, I got married in May 2021, when covid restrictions were in force. My cousin wasn’t invited to the ceremony (although my Auntie / her Mum) was, because the capacity was 18. For my reception, with a capacity of 30, I made sure that her AND her then boyfriend were included, at the expense of my friends.

am I being unreasonable to be really upset by this?

Does your husband honestly care about seeing your cousin get married?

She gets to decide who to invite. You get to decide whether to go or not. Why don't you skip the Register Office and all go to the reception together.

What's happening for the 2 hours between the ceremony and the reception? So ceremony is at 9.15 for probably about 30 minutes. Reception starts at 12? So whatever happened you'd still have a chunk of time to kill between when you'd have to entertain the children.

Doesn't make much difference really for that short time. You can all get there then your husband can take the children to a nearby cafe and meet up right after the ceremony.

All very unusual timings.

If there's a fixed capacity of 45 which of the friends and family that the couple want to see them marry should be bumped aside because you want your husband with you?

Either skip the ceremony and you all go to the evening, or politely decline the whole thing. Her call who she invites - you don’t have to go. I personally would skip the whole thing if my other half wasn’t invited, I do think that’s just cheeky.

Whilst I understand your frustration I do think you are being slightly unreasonable. Whilst slightly odd your husband wasn’t invited, what you did for your ceremony with your very limited numbers was kind but shouldn’t be used in an argument against her. If you stayed at a hotel then your husband could get your kids out for check out and meet at the reception or you could all go early and then he could take them to soft play or similar before the reception. I wouldn’t fall out with your cousin over it

Oof. You asked if 2 and 3 year olds could attend your cousins wedding? No wonder she made sure not to invite them and the one person who can look after them from the ceremony! Can’t you just all attend the evening ceremony and you skip the ceremony?

Yes, you are being unreasonable. It's her wedding, she has 45 spots, she has to prioritise who they would like there.
Either go and ask your husband to take the kids somewhere for breakfast, or tell her you'd rather come together so you'll see her at the reception.
45 spots is not many, your family of 4 will take up 10% of the space and she would probably need to do the same for other guests.

Why do your needs and wants come before the brides? She has a perfectly acceptable reason. I would be happy to go and be fully immersed in their special day. Your DH and DC could go to a coffee shop or foot lunch.
Gosh so entitled.

YABU. She's got a limited capacity and in all honesty you're just her cousin. She's effectively got 20 places at the ceremony and you're expecting 2 of them. It's fine that she invited your kids and partner to the reception I wouldn't have expected anything else to be honest.

Specifically so that I could arrange childcare, she adores them. She said yes very enthusiastically and said that various other very small chidlren within the family will be going

She is inviting you all to the reception, which is the bit that is normally more restricted due to expense, so that suggests she does value you all being there but other restrictions have to be considered.

You can't not go to the wedding. I'm sure her dh can entertain the dc for the ceremony and then they can all enjoy the reception together. Stop being precious OP.
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The reception is a piss up at my Aunt’s house 😬

I'd welcome the opportunity not to have the 2 & 3 year old at a registry office ceremony which would be boring for them. You're all invited to the reception so she's hardly not invited your family

Skip the ceremony (that’s the most boring bit anyway, sorry 🤪) and all just go to the reception?
Or you go the night before and stay somewhere local so you can get there for the ceremony and then meet your husband and the dc there?
Or find someone to leave the kids with and you and your husband go to the reception together, how much is a 2 and a 3 year old getting out of an all day wedding reception anyway? I always much preferred leaving mine at home when they were small for weddings so I could have actual conversations with people!!

Find somewhere local to there that's fun for DH to take the kids while you're at the wedding. Join up at the reception. All have a lovely time.

End of drama!

I'd all go together, then pack DH and the DC off to a soft play or something in the area until it's time for the reception. Don't worry about dressing them up if it's at a relatives house. You're over thinking it.

I should add that I am mainly upset about my husband being excluded, I just think it’s rude. I can understand the children not being invited, just wish she had messaged me to explain first

That doesn't really change things. It still costs and takes more organisation for more guests

I don't see the problem. She had limited space at the registry office. Her allowance is only around 20. Presumably she has other family apart from you, and good friends. I would imagine that some other spouses will also not be invited.

Your DH doesn't have to have the kids up super early. You can get a taxi to the registry office, he can get them up at leisure, take them out for breakfast and a wander around, and then meet you at the reception.

It sounds a lot easier than wrangling a 2 and 3 year old up and out and keeping them quiet at a registry office, to me. You'd still have to entertain them between the ceremony and the reception.

So you genuinely expect her to use 2/20 spaces on you and your husband?

Why can’t the relatives look after the children then and your husband can manage to entertain himself for less than an hour?

This. If there’s only 20 people imagine who she’s have to exclude!

My husband would think it was the best thing ever to miss the boring part.