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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Daughter getting picked on

40 replies

BusySquid · 02/07/2025 18:13

Recently my little girl has been getting picked on about her weight (medical issues, a plan is in place to help with a healthy lifestyle).

School is aware and I've had a meeting with the head, she wasnt very helpful. I have had words with the boy who started it and his mum, along the lines of everytime he hurts/upsets my little girl i'll be doing the same to the mum until it stops. The mum used her having cancer as an excuse for his bad behaviour, still not acceptable in my eyes. My friend has said I am being unreasonable and I cant say that to a woman with cancer.

Then today a friend of this boy started picking on my daughter at the park, I cheered her on when she stood up for herself and hit him/threw him to the floor. My friend also didnt agree with me being proud of her for doing so.

So my question is aibu to see this as acceptable behaviour in response to bullies?

OP posts:
CorbyTrouserPress · 02/07/2025 18:15

You sound a bit of a bully yourself. You do know two wrongs don’t make a right don’t you?

FuckoffeeBeforeCoffee · 02/07/2025 18:16

Sure.

LittleMonks11 · 02/07/2025 18:17

You sound terrifying

19ptrialprice · 02/07/2025 18:18

How old are the kids? You said to the mother that you would be doing the same to her if the son continues bullying your child? Did she make apologies for his behaviour at all?

Original poster
BusySquid · 02/07/2025 18:20

Haha, im actually a very nice, quiet person! I just see red when someone upsets my little girl.

OP posts:
GoldMerchant · 02/07/2025 18:21

" I have had words with the boy who started it and his mum, along the lines of everytime he hurts/upsets my little girl i'll be doing the same to the mum until it stops."

Do you mean you'll be having a word with her, or you'll be hurting/upsetting her?

I agree that the boy shouldn't be picking on your DD but I also don't think cheering her on while she throws him to the ground is a model of great behaviour. There are other ways of standing up for herself.

Ddakji · 02/07/2025 18:22

I have no issue with your DD standing up for herself, even if that does include hitting another kid. Don’t want to be hit? Don’t bully someone.

However, you are being utterly insane in saying you’ll take it out on the boy’s mother. Truly deranged.

ASimpleLampoon · 02/07/2025 18:24

Well if the adults involved are not doing anything after you went to them first you need to tell your girl to stand up to them. Its either let her hit back or have to deal with the fallout for years.

Enrol her in self defence , or boxing or something similar, and they'll probably leave her alone and then not have to FAFO quite so much.

Original poster
BusySquid · 02/07/2025 18:25

19ptrialprice · 02/07/2025 18:18

How old are the kids? You said to the mother that you would be doing the same to her if the son continues bullying your child? Did she make apologies for his behaviour at all?

No she didnt apologise, I told her about the situation, hoping we could solve it but once she started making excuses for his behaviour, I responded with the above, in my first post. The boy is in year 6 and my daughter is in year 4. Im 5ft 6" and he towers over me, I imagine he would be very intimidating to a smaller child.

OP posts:
PopThatBench · 02/07/2025 18:25

Similar circumstances to my DD. She was getting picked on by a girl, the girl encouraged two other girls and a boy to join in. They were all 6. They dragged my DD to the floor in school and stomped on her and punched her. One of the children’s Dad had cancer and they were acting out.
The school advised they “try and talk it out” at that age while my 6 year-old was covered in cuts and bruises 👍🏻
I pulled her out and changed schools in the end and she’s so much happier at her new school.

BlueMum16 · 02/07/2025 18:27

BusySquid · 02/07/2025 18:20

Haha, im actually a very nice, quiet person! I just see red when someone upsets my little girl.

Apple not falling far from the tree if she's hitting out and pushing people over too when she doesn't like their words.

You both need to find better coping strategies for dealing with unkind situations.

If its in school speak to them again.

If the boys are year 6 surely they'll leave in a couple of weeks too.

WhereOnEarthIsMyPlanet · 02/07/2025 18:29

What are you doing to the mum when her son is horrid to your daughter? She can’t be too intimidated by him if she hit him and threw him to the floor!

Samas · 02/07/2025 18:30

If you cheer on when a child is being hit then you are worse than this boy is.

Original poster
BusySquid · 02/07/2025 18:31

BlueMum16 · 02/07/2025 18:27

Apple not falling far from the tree if she's hitting out and pushing people over too when she doesn't like their words.

You both need to find better coping strategies for dealing with unkind situations.

If its in school speak to them again.

If the boys are year 6 surely they'll leave in a couple of weeks too.

Show quote history

The main leader is in year 6, he is encouraging the boys in my daughters year to say things to her too. His brother is in my daughters class so they hang around together.

OP posts:
Shesellsseashellsnotinmystreet · 02/07/2025 18:31

Over the course of my ds's at school 2 got bullied. Both hit back and it ended immediately..

Original poster
BusySquid · 02/07/2025 18:33

WhereOnEarthIsMyPlanet · 02/07/2025 18:29

What are you doing to the mum when her son is horrid to your daughter? She can’t be too intimidated by him if she hit him and threw him to the floor!

No, this was a different boy from her year group who she lashed out at. The boy who started it is in year 6.

OP posts:
BrentfordForever · 02/07/2025 18:34

Im originally from a certain Mediterranean country and they deal with school bullying the way you handled that boy 😂

I love you cheering on your girl , I’d do the same !

YANBU

WhereOnEarthIsMyPlanet · 02/07/2025 18:35

Ah ok sorry, that was my poor reading comprehension!

I have had words with the boy who started it and his mum, along the lines of everytime he hurts/upsets my little girl i'll be doing the same to the mum until it stops

I’m interested in this part… what are you doing to his mum when he hurts/upsets your daughter? Or was it just a threat?

Original poster
BusySquid · 02/07/2025 18:36

A couple of things that have been said is her being fat, causing earthquakes, belly bouncing things, threatening to push/throw her on to things to see if she breaks them and calling her a bitch and a fucking slut.

OP posts:
amylou8 · 02/07/2025 18:37

All sounds a bit chavvy to be honest.
Of course they shouldn't be picking on your daughter, but threatening the parent just brings you down to the same level as the kids.
And encouraging her to throw the first punch in a verbal altercation is bad form. The other parent could legitimately involve the police and I'm sure you don't want that for her.

Lostinbrum · 02/07/2025 18:38

Yanbu. I wouldnt care what the little shits are going thru you don't take it out on my daughter and I'd do the same as you. She's learning to stand up for herself now, will potentially save her from a high school experience from hell.

Original poster
BusySquid · 02/07/2025 18:40

WhereOnEarthIsMyPlanet · 02/07/2025 18:35

Ah ok sorry, that was my poor reading comprehension!

I have had words with the boy who started it and his mum, along the lines of everytime he hurts/upsets my little girl i'll be doing the same to the mum until it stops

I’m interested in this part… what are you doing to his mum when he hurts/upsets your daughter? Or was it just a threat?

Up to now, I haven't done anything. Since I spoke to the mum he has stayed away but he has been encouraging other kids to say stuff on his behalf.

OP posts:
19ptrialprice · 02/07/2025 18:40

BusySquid · 02/07/2025 18:25

No she didnt apologise, I told her about the situation, hoping we could solve it but once she started making excuses for his behaviour, I responded with the above, in my first post. The boy is in year 6 and my daughter is in year 4. Im 5ft 6" and he towers over me, I imagine he would be very intimidating to a smaller child.

Show quote history

I see. Your friend is unreasonable to say you can’t say anything negative to someone just because they have cancer. Why is having cancer an excuse for not parenting your child? Plenty of people are horrible disgusting humans who just happen to have cancer. Whilst I don’t think this woman is any of those things she should however hold her son’s behaviour accountable.

19ptrialprice · 02/07/2025 18:42

BusySquid · 02/07/2025 18:36

A couple of things that have been said is her being fat, causing earthquakes, belly bouncing things, threatening to push/throw her on to things to see if she breaks them and calling her a bitch and a fucking slut.

He called your daughter a fucking slut? Wow.

CinnamonBuns67 · 02/07/2025 18:46

It's not okay to bully the mum of the bully. It won't solve anything, if anything it'll make things worse as then she'll be the daughter of the woman who bullies people with cancer. You cheering your child on whilst she was physically violent towards someone for words is bad too, teach her to use her words to stand up for herself. Whilst the mum having cancer is not an excuse for her son to bully, it is a reason why the boy is lashing out at others and I do think she should have apologised. But honestly op you've made yourself sound absolutely awful, all awful people I've met claim their actually a really nice person too. Your friend is actually a really good friend for pointing this out to you, treasure her, a real friend tells you when you are out of order.