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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Daughter getting picked on

40 replies

BusySquid · 02/07/2025 18:13

Recently my little girl has been getting picked on about her weight (medical issues, a plan is in place to help with a healthy lifestyle).

School is aware and I've had a meeting with the head, she wasnt very helpful. I have had words with the boy who started it and his mum, along the lines of everytime he hurts/upsets my little girl i'll be doing the same to the mum until it stops. The mum used her having cancer as an excuse for his bad behaviour, still not acceptable in my eyes. My friend has said I am being unreasonable and I cant say that to a woman with cancer.

Then today a friend of this boy started picking on my daughter at the park, I cheered her on when she stood up for herself and hit him/threw him to the floor. My friend also didnt agree with me being proud of her for doing so.

So my question is aibu to see this as acceptable behaviour in response to bullies?

OP posts:
Original poster
BusySquid · 02/07/2025 18:50

CinnamonBuns67 · 02/07/2025 18:46

It's not okay to bully the mum of the bully. It won't solve anything, if anything it'll make things worse as then she'll be the daughter of the woman who bullies people with cancer. You cheering your child on whilst she was physically violent towards someone for words is bad too, teach her to use her words to stand up for herself. Whilst the mum having cancer is not an excuse for her son to bully, it is a reason why the boy is lashing out at others and I do think she should have apologised. But honestly op you've made yourself sound absolutely awful, all awful people I've met claim their actually a really nice person too. Your friend is actually a really good friend for pointing this out to you, treasure her, a real friend tells you when you are out of order.

Im probably not as nice as I think, not when people upset my child anyway!

OP posts:
Original poster
BusySquid · 02/07/2025 18:52

PopThatBench · 02/07/2025 18:25

Similar circumstances to my DD. She was getting picked on by a girl, the girl encouraged two other girls and a boy to join in. They were all 6. They dragged my DD to the floor in school and stomped on her and punched her. One of the children’s Dad had cancer and they were acting out.
The school advised they “try and talk it out” at that age while my 6 year-old was covered in cuts and bruises 👍🏻
I pulled her out and changed schools in the end and she’s so much happier at her new school.

Gosh that is awful! School did encourage this but my daughter was too scared to speak to the boy. Which is understandable.

OP posts:
CorbyTrouserPress · 02/07/2025 18:52

So this bully has said nasty things to your DD and she has been physically violent to him and you have threatened his mother. Is that right?

Original poster
BusySquid · 02/07/2025 18:53

CorbyTrouserPress · 02/07/2025 18:52

So this bully has said nasty things to your DD and she has been physically violent to him and you have threatened his mother. Is that right?

No, the boy who is in year 6 is the one who started the bullying. He hangs around with the year 4s because his brother is in my daughters class. He then encouraged other kids to join in. My daughter hit a boy from her year group.

OP posts:
CorbyTrouserPress · 02/07/2025 18:53

BusySquid · 02/07/2025 18:52

Gosh that is awful! School did encourage this but my daughter was too scared to speak to the boy. Which is understandable.

Show quote history

She wasn’t too scared to punch his mate though.

CorbyTrouserPress · 02/07/2025 18:55

BusySquid · 02/07/2025 18:53

No, the boy who is in year 6 is the one who started the bullying. He hangs around with the year 4s because his brother is in my daughters class. He then encouraged other kids to join in. My daughter hit a boy from her year group.

Show quote history

I think you’ve misunderstood my question. Have any of the bullies been physical or threatening to your DD or is it just words from their side and violence and threats from yours?

Original poster
BusySquid · 02/07/2025 18:56

Lostinbrum · 02/07/2025 18:38

Yanbu. I wouldnt care what the little shits are going thru you don't take it out on my daughter and I'd do the same as you. She's learning to stand up for herself now, will potentially save her from a high school experience from hell.

I hope so. Highschool is coming up too quick, im dreading it. She has autism and adhd which already makes her a target for the bullies.

OP posts:
Pebbles16 · 02/07/2025 18:58

You know when you read something on 'tinter web" and despair of human kind?
That's how I am feeling.

Catsandcannedbeans · 02/07/2025 18:58

My mum had cancer and I didn’t pick on other children, it’s unfortunate but not an excuse. I teach my kids to stand up for themselves - but they’re only allowed to hit someone if they hit them first. Teach her how to form a cutting insult that will stick with the kid for the rest of his life instead.

I can’t lie, if someone’s child called my daughter a fucking slut I’d be on their mums ass as well. Cancer or not. I’m in the minority here but I don’t think you’re in the wrong, you’re maybe not handling it the best way… but I can see why you’re doing what you’re doing.

Original poster
BusySquid · 02/07/2025 18:59

CorbyTrouserPress · 02/07/2025 18:53

She wasn’t too scared to punch his mate though.

Show quote history

No she wasn't, but he is also the same age as her and at least a foot if not more smaller then the older boy.

OP posts:
GiveDogBone · 03/07/2025 18:16

So you cheered your daughter hitting somebody who called her names. What an absolutely terrible mother you are… terrible.

Maninpeace · 03/07/2025 20:47

knowing your child is having a hard time because some scrote is picking on her must be awful, but don’t be a scrote yourself. Talk to the parents but don’t make threats. Tell your kid to hit back if she has been hit, tell her to aim for the eyes and nose, but please don’t encourage her to twat people that say nasty things to her. She’ll think it’s normal and it really isn’t (unless you are a scrote.)

if it doesn’t stop, then you can do many anonymous things that will make their lives hell. But keep talking to them about it and if it’s happening at school you need to play hell with them. You’re trusting them to care for your daughter, so hold them accountable for their part in this.

Lollipop81 · 03/07/2025 20:59

Ddakji · 02/07/2025 18:22

I have no issue with your DD standing up for herself, even if that does include hitting another kid. Don’t want to be hit? Don’t bully someone.

However, you are being utterly insane in saying you’ll take it out on the boy’s mother. Truly deranged.

Could not agree more with this response.

Annmarie1967 · 23/07/2025 20:29

Keep trying the kind hands, feet, words and deeds to the bully and in the inform school to act on this
Hope your daughter has a better time at school it's unacceptable the poor mum is having a very challenging time and he's adding to the stress

Summerartwitch · 23/07/2025 20:56

I completely agree with you OP.

You did the right thing by trying to talk to the parent first and resolve it that way.

It seem that the mother and her brat did not get your polite message, so you and your daughter are perfectly right to give them a taste of their own medicine.

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