Competitive tiredness killing our marriage

[Zigzig]

DH and I have a 14 month old DS, he is super full on. I’m 6 months pregnant with DS2. We both work full time.

I find myself seething with resentment at DH all the time because I think he gets more sleep than me. We’ve been away for a few nights and I have got up the past 3 mornings at 5.30am with DS. This morning DH stayed in bed until 9am! He says he’s ill so needs sleep but I’m so exhausted. I’m entertaining DS now because he’s asleep on the sofa.

How do you approach and deal with this? It’s really killing our marriage atm as every time I see him asleep I hate him.

We take turns to get up. You need to do the same. Getting up means getting up, not bringing the kid into your bedroom. Fix it now, it’ll only get harder.

You need to alternate it - ideally with him taking more weekly meetings than you because you're growing a person.

However, although there are early starts, your toddler sleeps through, so I don't get why it's such an issue for either of your tbh. Your child's sleep sounds pretty good to me.

She’s pregnant. And has a toddler. Either of those alone are enough to justify being tired (not that she should need to justify it).

OP - you’re pregnant, so you should be getting more opportunity to rest than your lazy husband. I would suggest to him on that basis he do all the early mornings and take it from there!

It’s ridiculous that he suggested a 14 month old should be left unsupervised so he can sleep. Personally I’d just start snatching back sleep when he is awake. For instance if you got up at 5 something once your partner got up I’d be explaining I was exhausted and heading to bed myself. I’d also push through with discussions about inequality, him prioritising himself etc, even if he is difficult or try’s to make you feel petty for asking for help with meeting a basic human need. He’s likely being that way because he’s selfish and doesn’t want to have to step up.

Of course he doesn't like 'point scoring' because at the moment it's weighted in his favour! Taking it in turns or set days to sleep longer is the way to go. Vitamins and a Dr visit for him if he's ill so often.

I think I'd suggest he needs a prostate exam urgently (that probably impacts sleep, right?)

I'd also be doing a bar chart of sleep and having a hat of inequity for the piss taker to wear to work to show everyone s/he's an arse.