Why is life so unfair

[Appleday55]

I had a hard life. My dad wanted nothing to do with me. My mother was extremely abusive to me. I had no grandparents. I had not one person that loved me.
When you grow up in a terrible family, it makes you prone to abuse, and i was sexually abused as a child aswell.

To add to that, when you grow up in an awful family, instead of it making you receive kindness and support, it makes you more prone to bullying. So i got abuse at home and bullying at school.

I often lie awake thinking why me, was i an asshole in a past life? After the recent air india crash i thought, why did so many happy people who were enjoying life die, and i am still here suffering and hating life. Why not take me instead of them. It is all so unfair.

It's the feeling of: i am suffering every day and i have prayed for death every week.

Why are happy people who are enjoying life dying when they want to be alive, and I am stuck here when i want to die?

It is all so unfair

Jesus. I didn't emwant to read and run. Bit please Google the samaritans number. They will talk to you whenever ypur ready, I suggest now. OP I'm sorry life has been cruel so far. Sending a hand hold and a hug. I wish u the best. Please phone the samaritans

First of all, I’m sorry you had such a miserable childhood. Mine was also impoverished and neglectful, and I suffered CSA. I agree that it means you have to work extra hard to figure out appropriate boundaries and how to form healthy relationships with people when your childhood scripts all told you you were nothing, and you probably came up with unhealthy coping mechanisms to compensate. However, it can be done, with work, self-reflection, and a good therapist. Have you had therapy?

Sending you a big hug. Life is unfair and it sounds a though you had a very unfair childhood and a very tough start in life.

How old are you now (if you don't mind me asking?).

Have you sought professional help at all?

Are there things in life that you find some enjoyment in that you could perhaps build on?

I went to two therapists. One sighed and said that it was too much work for him to take on, that I should go to someone else. The other one started crying when I told her what happened.

I’m someone that can relate to having much abuse in my past both as a child and as an adult.
Throw in some awful additional trauma of losing my only child to cancer.

We all process things differently. My perspective is I refuse to allow any one of them to affect and control my present and my future.
Naturally there’s times it creeps in such as when I feel low but on the whole, my form of revenge is to not care enough to even want it and to make sure I’m happy in life.

Would perhaps seeing a counsellor help to work through these feelings and thoughts with you?

You are worth it and you are loveable. Do not let their abuse become truth.

Thank you. I am in my forties now.

Sending you a hug 💐

Aw i send you a hug . Thanks for the last line you wrote.

Thank you. I appreciate it.

Try again. Someone good to work with is transformative.

Yes, please call the samaritans, I have received support from them in the past.
You are special and deserve love and kindness
Sending you hugs

Hello OP, we are really sorry to hear you are feeling this way.

We hope you don't mind, but when these threads are flagged up to us we usually add a link to our mental health resources.

You can also go to the Samaritans website, or email them on [email protected] and may find our Domestic Violence information helpful.

Support from other Mumsnetters is great and we really hope you will be able to take some comfort from your fellow posters, but as other MNers will tell you, it's really a good idea to seek RL help and support as well.

Very best wishes,
MNHQ

I am so sorry to hear this OP.

Please reach out to the Samaritans to talk to somebody.

There are good therapists out there, I’m sorry you had such a negative experience of them.

I’m really sorry that your life has been so painful . I don’t have any advice except to say that people do / will care about you - the future always has some hope even if it doesn’t seem like that right now. You sound depressed and in a dark place now but things will get better . Is there anyone you can confide in ? don’t give up ! Sending hugs

I just feel like when every day is such a drag of suffering and pain, why am i here.

I am not suicidal. Maybe i should put a trigger warning in my title for this, but i attempted suicide once in my twenties and survived, and i swore i would never do it again.

I just don't understand life. What is the point of it

Thank you :(

@Appleday55 , you sound really depressed; are you getting help for that? If not I would strongly suggest a trip to your GP. In the meantime try and look at things over which you have control that will help your mental health.
Eat a diet which is low in ultra processed food and high in protein and vegetables.
Get outside and go for a walk every day, preferably in nature.
Prioritise sleep.
Spend time with people whose company you enjoy.
Make time to do things which give you pleasure.
Before you go to sleep each night be thankful for three good things in your day.
I understand your bitterness at your childhood and it wasn’t fair but that part of your life is gone now and all you can do is accept what was and move on which you might find easier with the help of some therapy. You were pretty powerless then but you are not powerless now and your future is yours to write. I wish you well.

I often feel low too OP ....one way to think of it is ....the fact that humans are born but have to die itself is unfair ....we didnt ask to be born we have no agency over death, essentially life is unfair but for all of us - in a sense, then we are all in the same boat, whether it feels like it not - I have been abused from age 24 onwards, by a whole family of abusers it feels like sometimes (my in laws) but I still believe there are good people out there too, our tribe - I have stayed on mumsnet and I think the posters on here are good people - you have us , a community here now.

I am not trivialising or minimising, but trying to give you perspective

Some people have an awful terrible childhood
But some people have a lovely childhood, but then lose their parents early to an accident or disease, their pain is bad too
Some ppl have an okay childhood, but then have an abusive partner they are trapped with forever
Some people pray for a kid and cant have one
Some people have a kid with a disability

I find it amazing that we all still stop to laugh everyday at the funny side of life, a baby's sudden smile, a cheeky meme, whatever
Please use the resources PPs have signposted and I hope you feel lighter soon, I was crying my heart out just a few hours ago, made a coffee , had a hot bath , this too shall pass OP ...we don't know why we were sent here, and why the world is the way it is, but we are definitely in it together, you aren't alone

Thank you. I eat a good diet.

I haven't felt any better on antidepressants.

There is nothing that makes me happy. It has all been too much.

I don't want to commit suicide because i know it would be too risky and painful. But i want it to all be over.

They let people who are physically extremely sick do euthansaia. They should let people who have suffered huge trauma do euthanasia too

@Appleday55 , please contact The Samaritans.
https://www.samaritans.org

@Icanthinkformyselfthanks Thank you for the suggestion but No thank you.

I have called the samaritans before and i didn't think that they were very helpful.

I'm sorry to hear about your upbringing and completely understand why you feel life is unfair. One thing that might help is to remember that it's not you.

You are not responsible for how others behave and you are not defective. Your mum had something wrong with her and people who prey on the vulnerable have something wrong with them. It might feel like the common denominator is you but the common denominator is other people's dysfunction.

Have you considered volunteering? It is supposed to help reduce depression.

Ah snap , I could of wrote that.
Except I spent my life refusing to think about my childhood or acknowledge it.
Now in my 50s it's back in my head with a vengeance
I'm currently having CBT and separate counselling, because I refuse to allow my parents to ruin my future as much as my past .
My dad died recently, without reaching out to see me ,and that could easily of tipped me over the edge again,mentally.
I had to look at the situation rationally,and not emotionally..my parents were just not capable of the selflessness that parenting requires.
It is difficult op ,at different stages of life it hurts more ,births ,deaths ,birthdays fathers day mothers day , weddings..when you don't have normal these days hurt extra.
You have to invest in yourself op ,make yourself a priority, because no one else will xx