To ask about your experience with male nursery staff

[GloMum]

My daughter will be starting pre-reception and her key worker at the nursery is male. As a whole, the class will be overseen by this teacher plus two more female members of staff. Does anyone have experience with male nursery staff, especially in regards to caring for girls.

Personally I think it’s really strange, normally it’s the ones that aren’t straight who choose this profession as male. If not does he have children of his old? He is happy to not do as much ‘free’ childcare for his own but will be paid for it. They have always in my experience seemed like oddballs. I even went to college doing childcare with some who did it just ‘because it looks good on their cv’ while they also had part time jobs at Tesco.

Why is it strange? If women can get fulfilment from nurturing and developing children, why is it strange that a man might also?

My daughter is 4 and has had the same male key worker at nursery since she was 2.5, along with another male working in her room. She was out of nappies by this point so I can’t comment on that but they often helped her go to the toilet/wipe/change clothes if she had an accident.

I find both the men to be absolutely lovely, caring and really passionate about early years and working with children. I think it’s important for any staff member to get to know the children and their families. We were giving profiles of all staff which included their names, qualifications, experience and just some fun facts about themselves like what they do at the weekend or any pets etc which I found helped us know them on a bit more of a personal level. This definitely helped my partner feel more comfortable as a whole (I was already absolutely fine with it as I work in EY too)

A thing to remember is, male staff members go through the exact same safer recruitment checks as any female staff.

Some of the best staff i’ve worked with have been men. They are entering a female dominated sector knowing they are likely to face discrimination for their gender but still (usually) go above and beyond.

Please talk through your worries with the staff (in a respectful way) and i’m sure they’ll be so happy to put your mind at ease and answer any questions you may have!

I don't know what's supposed to be funny about that. The OP is asking for opinions because almost all nursery workers are female. There's absolutely no call for dickhead responses.

It's the people - usually women - that are cautious who are responsible for the implementation of safeguarding in the first place. The shamers might want to remember that 🙃

And you wonder why more men don't get into caring roles.

And why teenage boys turn to toxic people like Andrew Tate for role models. When they are being told by mothers that all men are predators.

There's a really good point in there about being passionate about early years and I think moving away from seeing childcare as something 'women do' and promoting it more as a profession would help. There are a lot more male carers in social care now - while it's still heavily dominated by women, the fact it's moving away from being seen as some extension of a woman's nature and more of a regulated and formal role helps. Maybe they could start increasingly the pay in line with that though!

Do you think all females who do it, do it out of the goodness of their hearts? Some girls are pushed to do it so end up there because they can't think of anything else they might want to do and it's a popular suggestion because female = caring work.

It only appears to be strange because we live in a sexist society which believes that childcare is woman's work.

No I believe and have seen from all those news stories how women can do it but often they are encouraged by male peadophile rings. Im just stating what I have seen with my own eyes even in the social care/ residential home system the men tend to be oddballs. My child’s last nursery had a male worker but he was the chef it didn’t bother me. Intimate care whether I had a boy or girl would be a concern for me by a male member of staff

My daughter had a male key worker at nursery. Best nursery staff member that ever worked with my girls. My 18 year old still remembers him for being fun and supportive.

I was less happy about the nursery managers husband constantly being at my 3rd daughter's nursery. But he wasn't actually working as a nursery worker though he was dbs checked.

Amazing how often the male workers are “the best we ever had”!

My twins have a male keyworker at their nursery school (they're almost 4) and they adore him. He seems to be a firm fave with all of the kids

Not amazing, really.

They must know that many parents view them negatively, even with suspicion. To continue to follow the career path they have chosen in spite of that tells me that it’s something that they really want to do. People who enjoy their work are obviously going to be effective.

Frankly, over the decades with children and now grandchild, we’ve encountered several less than enthusiastic young, female nursery workers who were unsuited to the job and clearly would rather have been elsewhere.

The best head of a primary school and the best year 4 teacher we encountered were also men. The kids adored them both (girls and boys).

Our son graduated from university last year and got in touch with that year 4 teacher to let him know and to thank him for his part in getting him there.

Sexual abuse isn't the only form of abuse. Where was the man to blame when the female nursery worker wrapped a child up and left her struggling face down in a bouncer until she suffocated to death after days of verbally abusing her and mistreating her whilst other female staff simply watched it go on?

If you think men who work in nurseries are oddballs then that's what you will see. The one at my DC's nursery who is also now our babysitter is just a normal guy.

😆

In Scandinavian countries a significant proportion of early years workers are male, and yet they don't have higher rates of abuse.

Obviously we are all anxious about our children's safety, but I think some people on this thread are over-reacting.

My son's key worker was a man when he started at his nursery. Key worker was great, we liked him, but my son didn't vibe with him at all. Key worker is quite a jolly-bonhomie type with a gruff voice and my son just hated that approach and never bonded. He was moved to a different key worker (who happens to be a woman) and is much much happier. However, his male former key worker is one of the most popular staff members and the majority of the kids, girls included, absolutely adore him and are forever hanging off him. So overall I think it's about personality and whether they mesh than about gender. I would ask the nursery for an outline of how they resolve situations where a child doesn't get on with their key worker and see what they say, but go in with an open mind because your daughter might love him.

Sorry, it's not meant to be a laugh or a dickhead response, simply an enthusiastic cheery smile 👍 I wasn't trying to be argumentative.

Do you have any data to back that up?

I personally wouldn’t be keen on it. I’ll get blasted for being sexist but I just wouldn’t want risk my young child with an unknown man for extended periods of time without me.

Settings for children are honey pots for weirdos and with men being much more likely to commit sexual crimes, it’s just not something id feel comfortable with. No judgement on those that do though as I realise the risks are slim, it’s just not one I’m prepared to take.

Can't quite believe the level of toxicity in this thread! Shocking.
I'm not gay - I looked after kids, changed their nappies, boys and girls and did nothing but care for them. In the 1980s.
My father (also not gay) did the same in the 1960s.
I raised three children as a single dad, 2 of them girls, and they're all happy, well-rounded modern youngsters with a healthy outlook on life.
I understand the statistics and the basis for worry, of course I do, but the level of automatic distrust based on a carer being male is really shocking to read.
You know, if I said "all women who do X must be (insult)" I'd quite rightly be pilloried for it.
Please, let's have a little more humanity.

Women are statistically more likely to physically harm or kill a child

The men most likely to sexually abuse a child are those related to said child

Sexism. It’s really toxic isn’t it. The people that do it are just as toxic themselves.

Need to back up with evidence. Any fool can claim false information as fact.

My 18 month old has a male nursery worker and absolutely adores him. Runs over to him when dropped off with a massive grin on his face, and he's also the only nursery worker he hands his favourite stuffed animal to for safe keeping 😅. He's great with all the kids.