Who is unreasonable here?

[Llamachameleon]

A B and C were meant to be going to a gig together. It’s sold out but they said they’d look for cheap tickets nearer the time. It’s in three days.

B now can’t make it for health reasons (recent drop out) and A is a big fan and desperate to go. B and C both said they would set a limit for £100 to go with A but that they can’t justify more than that.

C is looking for tickets and the minimum is about £110. They feel a bit pressured into going but less keen given it’s so soon, the tickets aren’t below the price they agreed and also B has dropped out so it wouldn’t be a full girls night out anyway. However they feel response as they did say they would go with A in the first place if they could get reasonably priced tickets.

should C honour the commitment even if the tickets are more expensive? They’ve told A that they’ll need to make sure they get reasonable tickets before they fully commit

You agreed to go, albeit with financial limits, but really you are now wanting the internet to validate that you are justified in not going because the tickets exceed your agreed-upon limit by being a bit more than your limit.

This is a situation where truly it is not the financial limit that is the issue, but that you agreed to go to see an artist you do not like as much and as it gets closer to the time you are wanting a more legitimate reason to bail and disappoint your friend.

It really depends on how important the friendship is and whether you will want to be treated similarly in the future with something that is more important to you than your friend.

If you really did not like the artist, you should not have agreed to go at all, but you set the expectation that you would go if the ticket prices were a certain amount. If they turned out to be 100 pound more than it would be an obvious deal-breaker, but the truth of the matter is that they are really not that much more, and so you will look a bit petty if you use that excuse.

I like A a lot but they are the type of person who draws lines / hard boundaries and doesn’t have trouble saying no. Do you see what I mean?

So sometimes I feel a little like I’m putting myself out in a situation where they would not necessarily do the same whereas I think B would take one for the team.

i will probably end up going. Some of these replies have been completely out of order and personal but I guess that is the risk you take on AIBU lol

It’s 3 days away

A hasn’t even bothered to look for tickets op

she can’t be that keen OP!

I wouldn’t mention and see if A even mentions

Hope it’s not Oasis on Friday as you won’t get £110 tickets for that!

I like A a lot but they are the type of person who draws lines / hard boundaries and doesn’t have trouble saying no. Do you see what I mean?

so in your shoes, she’s say “nope, I agreed £100 and even that was pushing it as I’m not a big fan”

either way op… A hasn’t bothered to look so why are you?!

A can't go and b can't afford too. C just goes on their own if they want to still and shouldn't bully the others. No tickets yet so not an issue. Do another meet up when a can go and b can afford to go.

😆

No true friend would bail out over a tenner. Resent all you like but true friendship isn't build upon money. It's about caring, support, being there when agreed to be there. The difference between you going or not is a measly tenner.

I guess I'd keep quiet until A mentions, but if the extra tenner would not be a hardship then yes I would go for the sake of the friendship. B dropping out is not a good reason for you to drop you.

Oh bore off @LittleGreenDragons 😂😂😂😂

You are under no moral obligation to buy the £110 ticket. A can go by herself.

Channel some of that feistiness towards A

Not that she seems to be interested in going anymore if not bothered to look for tickets

maybe she’s already bought and going with someone else??

For a tenner, I'd probably just go, but it'd be nice if A recognised this by getting the kebabs in on the way home 😀

If you do not feel that your friendship is reciprocated in the same way, then I think that is just a "different line" you are drawing, and in some ways unrelated to the financial limit.

I think in this case, you can stick by that limit as your reason, and then if she argues that you are being cheap, you just remind her of when she behaved similarly.

I’d flip it back to A. Get them to buy the tickets if they REALLY want to go, but say you can only afford to give them £100 towards your ticket.
That way, if A is still really keen, they can absorb the excess £10 for your ticket rather than you.

Given A doesn’t seem to have looked into tickets, I’d presume she’s either lost interest or she’s going with someone else.

You wouldn’t be people pleasing to go now - you’d be sticking to the spirit of not the letter of a commitment you made.

If you didn’t like the band you should have said no to start with.

It isn’t “people pleasing” to stick to your word - it’s just not being incredibly flakey.

However, if you really don’t want to go, don’t go. Say to A “I’m really sorry, I should have said so in the first place but I really don’t want to go and see this band”. Better than making excuses about the £10 extra, or it not being a “full girls night out” (which would be the most offensive of the reasons given - as though you only really want to go if B is going).

Edit - a good friend would understand if you were appropriately apologetic I think, but not if you try to brazen it out with excuses.

abcdefg!!!!

I bet A hasn’t mentioned because she’s got a ticket with someone else

A has probably started her own thread

“how can I tell C that I am going to a gig with someone else?”

Gig has now come and gone

Did A ever mention again to you going to the gig? Or have you just seen SM updates of her posting photos of said gig?

Classic mumsnet response lol. Just need the "doesn't sound like you like her" bit next. 🤣

The sign of good friends usually is that they can be honest with each other and just straight up say if they don't fancy something etc.

And the op doesn’t feel like that

so you’ve kind of said exactly that!! 😂

Sounds like the problem is with her not them. They seem quite able to be honest with each other.