To think that “posh” isn’t a compliment

[DownsideUpside]

I might be alone here but some members of my family have a habit of calling anything nice/new “a bit posh”.
I can’t help but take offence a bit, as it always sounds a bit snide and not a genuine compliment.
Eg. New stair carpet…Could say “oh I like your new stair carpet” but no they say “oh new stair carpet? Very posh.”
eg. Decorated DS bedroom. Could say “your new room looks great!” But no they say “oh your new room is a bit posh isn’t it”

It’s almost like I can hear a little eye-roll with it. Like they are acknowledging that yes it’s a nice new thing but kind of disapproving of it?? Why can’t they just say something is nice.

Without trying to be ageist all the family members who do this are 60+. Is it a generational thing? The way they talk about something being “posh” generally tends to be quite or disapproving.. “did you see Julie down the road in her new car, bit posh isn’t it, tut tut”

It’s also not jealousy, they have plenty of money and could get new stair carpet every week if they wished.

aibu to wish they could just say oh that’s a nice lampshade and not ooooh it’s a bit posh in here now with that lampshade

• edit to add the lampshade isn’t posh! It’s from Asda!

Mmm I can see this, but it is true of all of them, they’re all wealthy now but from working class backgrounds. But they’re blissfully unaware of the irony that they themselves are middle class and posh so judging us for it is a bit odd! Especially as the stuff they are commenting on isn’t actually that posh, life is so expensive we live quite modestly really, painting DS’s room ourselves or getting a lampshade from Asda aren’t massive extravagances.

Definitely, tone is key

Where I'm from, it wouldn't be snarky at all. It's just a word people use when something is nice or smart or fancy, or whatever.

My sister moved to Manchester for work and was constantly called posh, but with an unpleasant, chippy edge.

We are NOT posh (just have a different accent) and her comeback was usually “If you think I’m posh you need to get out more!” Which tended to shut them up.

But so what if some older family members use words you find ‘snide’ about your new purchases? Their opinion. Not your problem. My DH’s uncles think I’m ‘posh’, because of my education and job. My dad was a binman. Their issue.

If you're sure they're being snide, rather than it just being something they say, then I'd imagine they mean it's flashier than their own tastes.

I don't agree with this. Mother and MIL are both 89. Only MIL does it. Nothing to do with the war.

I don't think it's necessarily a dig. It depends.

To me it sounds like they use it as a sort of standard phrase, maybe slightly an in-joke. Not a dig as such.

I think it is very much in the tone, it can just be a jokey way of saying top quality but you approve of it. Like we say posh frock for party dress. Or it could be a bit disapproving, like my mum when a restaurant calls gravy "jus".

It’s very dated, isn’t it, to call things posh. It sounds chippy , as if nice things aren’t available to working class people.

My MIL describes this way (late 60s) – it's definitely a compliment from her: means nice and looks high quality and done well. Do you like them?? I find it odd that any one would read into this if you generally all get along well.

Bugger, I say this and mean it in an awed, admiring way - clearly I’ve been pissing everyone I know off!

I get it, calling something like a newly decorated bedroom posh feels a bit snide. Like almost looking down on you for being able to do or have something so nice. Feels a bit bitter/resentful.

It's fair enough to call the odd item posh like idk, posh cheese, or a posh dinner party, whatever. But it being frequent and targeted does come across not well.

Exactly this- me too!

Try saying it back to her. ‘I’ve never noticed before how posh your plates / towels / glasses are’. See what her reaction is, may help to work out if it’s meant as a complement or a subtle dig.

No, this is a myth. There's no evidence whatsoever for it.

I'm not sure I'd consider it dated, exactly (I wish it were), but it's definitely 'stay in your lane'/ 'not for the likes of us'/'It's far from kitchen islands you were reared' territory, as used by some people. Which can be intended comically or as a put down.

Oh ok. I don’t know what it originally meant then. I think in all likelihood in this context it’s meant ironically as a put down. Calling something posh is condescending and likely means they think it’s shit but they recognise you think it’s good.

Why dont you just tell them its annoying and you are bored with it and to change the bloody record.

People who call other people posh are often a million miles from being "posh"

My mil bless her annoyed me when she went on holiday with bills family, we received a video tour of the lodge they stayed in, I could hear mil repeatedly claiming "oh very posh!"
At my wedding reception husbands aunt on his mum's side was saying to mil "ooh ain't it posh!!!"
When offering husbands family home made cappuccino in our early days (y2000) sil would exclaim "ooh very posh"
As you can probably tell it grates me horribly

It is definitely not a compliment.

“If you think I’m posh you need to get out more!”
I think this is the perfect answer.

It is a bit strange for me to see how the use of the word “posh” is changing and becoming something with more negative connotations. It seems to go hand in hand with a certain creeping dislike of perceived posh/upper middle class/well off people that seems to be a thing.

The “frequent and targeted” point is well made, but then I suppose any word could theoretically become weaponised and sneery.

I still use phrases like “wearing my posh frock”.

I told someone they were posh because they had a downstairs toilet and they took offence! 😬 I only meant it in a jokey way & it was a bit of a personal put down because their house was much nicer than mine! 😂

Personally, I would take 'posh' as a compliment, because it means that you're not being considered as 'scum'!

It sounds very annoying in context, though, but is it a normal turn of phrase wherever your family comes from?