To think that “posh” isn’t a compliment

[DownsideUpside]

I might be alone here but some members of my family have a habit of calling anything nice/new “a bit posh”.
I can’t help but take offence a bit, as it always sounds a bit snide and not a genuine compliment.
Eg. New stair carpet…Could say “oh I like your new stair carpet” but no they say “oh new stair carpet? Very posh.”
eg. Decorated DS bedroom. Could say “your new room looks great!” But no they say “oh your new room is a bit posh isn’t it”

It’s almost like I can hear a little eye-roll with it. Like they are acknowledging that yes it’s a nice new thing but kind of disapproving of it?? Why can’t they just say something is nice.

Without trying to be ageist all the family members who do this are 60+. Is it a generational thing? The way they talk about something being “posh” generally tends to be quite or disapproving.. “did you see Julie down the road in her new car, bit posh isn’t it, tut tut”

It’s also not jealousy, they have plenty of money and could get new stair carpet every week if they wished.

aibu to wish they could just say oh that’s a nice lampshade and not ooooh it’s a bit posh in here now with that lampshade

• edit to add the lampshade isn’t posh! It’s from Asda!

Nope, just a myth.

Oh, heavens yes, the dreaded 'Someone's doing alright for themselves'

I don’t mind it, I can see why it could be a bit of an insult but I use it to mean it’s really nice. Clotted cream with a scone rather than butter is “posh” to me. Just a bit better/ nicer than average.

I think you're probably right. They could have all these nice things if they wanted but they see it as a bit frivolous or ostentatious.

I agree this feels like an older generation money-guilt issue and I’m trying to understand it in this way in order to be more forgiving BUT it seems it only applies to others or to very specific extravagances that they do or do not approve of. So it’s really just judgement of others choices, which can’t be attributed to generation.
Julie has been extravagant by splashing out on a posh new car. I have frivolous posh lampshades. My new TV is a bit posh.
In my 3 bed terrace. But they can live in a 4 bed detached house and run 2 cars but that’s ok because their TV is older than mine and their lampshades aren’t new, so they aren’t “posh”

I do this occasionally usually ribbing people or just meaning it is nice or looks "fancy" I definitely don't use it as an insult.

I used to get called posh a lot by one lady I worked with...it wasnt meant as a compliment so when she said it I replied well I suppose I am posh compared to you! She didn't say it again! 😄

Sometimes age is relevant as context. And as another poster has said, different generations have different attitudes to money and spending.

OK il add this to list of words that now offend people ✍️

It's just a term.some people use. It's not meant to be snide or disparaging . My Dad used it all the time when someone had something new. All he meant was it was new and nice. He was from a generation that very rarely had anything new so a new thing was something to comment on

Definitely a thing for some of that generation, but you must learn to see it as a hilarious affectation of theirs and not anything to do with you. It's a kind of inverse snobbery and also an inability to acknowledge that other people can make different choices to them without being wrong.

We used to say of one relative, there was her way and the wrong way. It's infuriating but we kind of miss it now she's gone.

Thank you. I really like that framing, that a new thing is something worth commenting on. That’s actually given me a much better mindset to receive it, next time.

Martyrdom yes, Left wing led, you shouldn't have things that are better or bigger than others have. Unless it's tattoos or tits.

It's defo rude OP. They are trying to find a socially acceptable way of saying they think it's showy or ostentatious. Of course they are being rude and it's definitely inverse snobbery. I think I'd probably turn it back on them by commenting things are 'nice and plain' or 'nice and simple' when they have something new. See how they like the nasty back hander type compliment when it's coming their way.

It can be a few things I think, a snide oh who do you think you are , a gentle ribbing between friends or a genuine ooh that's nice. I do think the word is more prevalent with people who are older so over 50? I am 53 and I heard it more in my childhood than i do now.

I would also say that a compliment is in the eye of the beholder - so if you do think they are being snide just ignore it and reply as if it is a compliment, that will probably stop some of it.

Anyone who calls me posh is welcome (on account of me having a bit of a chip on my shoulder about being not posh!).

I’m surprised at some these replies, I don’t think it’s rude to me it’s just a term that a few of my older relatives used or use to compliment/express approval.

Husband and I got referred to as "affluent" by my mother. Very much not said in a complimentary way.....

Can you imagine if it was the other way around , eg oh you’ve got a new carpet , very common. FWIW I think it’s just a turn of phrase .

Just say, "You can talk, living in your four-bed detached house."

I think they're using 'posh' in a 'you don't need that and if you do you should have bought a cheaper one' way.

It is as if it is assumed that the success has been achieved by unfair means. Not willing to acknowledge that it might have been extra hours at work that financed the better holiday. Or saving up by living frugally for the car or new furniture.

It just means fancy. Don’t overthink it.

In my experience its used by the family of people that started life in a traditional working class background and now live a middle class lifestyle. I.e. you've gone posh.

i know what you mean. It’s almost like it’s another way of saying and how much did that cost? 🤨 in a judgey think you have spent the money on something else way

My mum used to say it when people had nice things, but there was no malice or undertone in it whatsoever- she used it as a synonym for smart or nice.

And come to think of it, I sometimes use it in the same way. I might say a friend’s new car or handbag is ‘posh’ and I am definitely not having a dig- just saying that it is lovely and new and looks smart.

If I say a person is ‘posh’, it generally means that I think they are upper middle class, with no judgement implied.

I will probably think twice about using the word in future now that I know people might be reading something into it or taking it as a dig.

Posh can be used either way