Was my husband unreasonable or was I

[missingouts]

I’m always easily bitten by bugs and when I am I react really badly the bite gets huge and insufferably itchy. My husband is aware of this and is always rubbing itch cream into bites I can’t reach if we go to a bbq or our out late at night. I have all the bug sprays itch creams etc but I still get bitten. Last night before the bugs normally come out we were both outside I decided to sit on our been bag type garden chair. The chair shape collapsed and I was well and truly wedged in it not really a problem as I was comfy to begin with until I saw all these bugs swarming. I tried to get up but I have a few conditions that make me weak and I was so stuck even someone who wasn’t weak would have struggled. First sign of a bug swarm I called my husband who was about 2 meters away and said can you help me up. He walked over and said you can do just use your strength learn to help yourself in a jokey tone. I pleaded with him just to help me up as the bugs were going to bite me. I’m desperately trying to get out and swat the bugs. He finally relented and gave me a hand after I begged. Came inside and realised before bed that I was bitten to peace’s had to cover myself in itchy cream. I’m know awake as I can’t sleepy due to the itching on all my bites. I’ve got 2 on my face 2 on my left arm 1 on my right leg on and 1 on my left foot. I’m fuming at myself for sitting down with out checking but also annoyed at my husband for being an ass he thought he was trying to be funny. How would you handle this my foot bite is massive.

I am having a hard time understanding how someone who can actually get themselves up can get stuck in a bean bag even if it collapses. What do you mean by being a bit weak? Surely you just roll over and get on your hands and knees if the angle is wrong for getting straight up? But maybe I have the wrong picture in my head. Your DH could have been more helpful and done what you asked immediately, but I wonder if he was similarly was of the opinion you keep calling for help when you could do more for yourself and was trying to make that point? It’s not as though he didn’t help at all, it just ended up being later than you would have liked.

I think the truth of how unreasonable either you were is lost in the detail of how much you’re relying on him when you could be doing more to help yourself. Constantly being asked to things for someone that you think they should be capable of themselves is wearing. But being left hanging by your partner when you really do need help is upsetting.

Surely this didnt go on for more than 30-60 seconds? We would have a quick laugh about someone stuck in a bean bag in my house. Unless it went on for a very long time it wont have made a huge difference to the bites.

Sorry it’s a weird hard huge bean bag if you sit in it different ways it forms a chair or different seats. I sat on it and it collapsed into a flat thing. The sides of it go rock hard and really tall so you can’t roll over it. I have issue with my muscles which is what I mean by weak. Yes I shouldn’t have sat outside with bugs but there normally aren’t any at that time of day. My partner probably has to to help me up less than once a month normally only when I’ve had a busy day and over exerted myself.

I'm like you too with the bites and the disabilities that render you needing help sometimes. I'd be cross if my DH did that and I'd remind him my condition isn't curable by giving it a better try ... that attitude makes me really cross, a bit like it's just laziness when actually it's painful to move in certain ways, at best I'd have tried to roll off sideways and gone onto all fours, but that's a bit embarrassing if there's someone there to help
Re the bugs, I use jungle spray but TBH I've woken with more bites this morning anyway (we get gnats lurking) so I'm looking like I've got the bloody pox again

Hot teaspoon on the bites takes the itch out of them. Your husband should have helped you.

You sound like a precious princess. We are all sick of the bug bites. I've got 5 bites over my body, from when I'm bitten during the night. I put anulsol cream on them, and just get in with it.

There must be ways to strengthen your muscles so you can get up from low chairs? Unless you have a chronic disability?

But why was she stuck? Because she chose to sit in a beanbag, which she doesn’t have the strength to get up from/out of. Some common sense is required.

You get stuck in this chair at least ONCE A MONTH?

Maybe stop sitting in a beanbag chair when you get stuck in it?

Especially when it's close to these visible swarms of insects who are coming directly for you

Have you tried the Avon Skin So Soft oil? It's what we swear by (as does the military and lots of outdoors types).

How old are you OP? You sound extremely frail. Obviously if you have a medical condition that renders you incapacitated then yes he should have helped you.

What kind of bugs?

My husband suffers really badly with insect bites and the only thing that takes the itch out of them is a heat pen.

Heat pen for insect bites

The answer is don't sit outside in the evening when the bugs come out. They bite me badly and that's the answer I'm afraid.
If you are outside, use repellent spray and wear clothing that covers you.

If you get bitten despite precautions, take an antihistamine tablet and use a cream. A hot spoon or one of those heat zapper things will help if used early on.

I react badly and have realised that prevention is better than cure.

Don't sit in a chair you can't get out of.

The bugs probably already got you since you weren’t covered up outside and were sitting in a beanbag for some time. This is not your husband’s fault for not getting you up from the chair 30 seconds sooner 🙄

YABU. You need to develop some resilience in life!

Just when you think Mumsnet cannot get any bloody weirder! FFS OP.
I can't say anything more I really can't!

My partner probably has to to help me up less than once a month normally only when I’ve had a busy day and over exerted myself.

Are you 90??

I think YABU.

I don’t think that 30-60s of husband joking made a difference between getting bitten or not.

I just wonder if DH feels you need to start taking responsibility for yourself instead of relying on him every time things get a bit tough.

I mean - if you have health conditions that make you weak and know you react badly to insect bites, then why did you choose to sit outside without protection in a seat that isn’t easy to get up from at the best of times? There does come a point where, as an adult, you need to learn your limitations and not rely on other people to help you out constantly.

Both being unreasonable. He should have helped you out sooner, rather than make light-hearted comments, but if I suffered as badly as you from bites, I wouldn’t be maximising the opportunities for beasties to nip you by putting myself right in their range and In a difficult position to get up from.

no winners here 😓

High doses of vitamin B can stop you being bitten as it makes your blood smell weird

I agree with those saying there are so really strange comment here.

Whether it was sensible of you to sit in that chair or not, he should have helped you up. It’s not reasonable to stand and watch someone struggle when you are there and able to help.

Stop blaming your husband. You got yourself into the situation and didn’t take enough care. You clearly need to be lathered in deet and big bands etc. Take responsibility for yourself. What would you have done if he hadn’t been there to crane you out of the chair?

@Jamesblonde2i always sit in the chair and have never had an issue before it just collapsed on me I did have some deet on from earlier but hadn’t reapplied I was taking in the washing and just decided to sit down for a second as I was exhausted from the heat and my chronic illness. I’ve stated I know I shouldn’t have sat down. I just needed a quick break if my husband wasn’t around I would have been stuck like that I would have had to call someone to come like my sister. I didn’t think the chair would collapse and I should have not sat down knowing my muscles were struggling.

You didn't know a "been bag type garden chair" would collapse? Come on now. Bean bags, by their very nature, have very little structure to them, and even very young children understand this.