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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

I'm not goofy, would that put people off?

60 replies

Youdidnotfindme · 30/06/2025 21:38

Just trying to be more ok with who I am. I have a friend who will just jump into random voices, accents, make funny noises (not in a strange way) and stuff like this.
Will pull crazy faces in pictures and stuff like that.
I'm more reserved, i don't think either is right or wrong, I like having fun, joking etc. But I don't feel comfortable doing the above. She's sort of hinted that I'm a bit stiff and need to be funner, I'm not good at accents and I just feel a bit daft with stuff like that.
Does it sound like I need to change or we just aren't compatible?

OP posts:
InvitingMattress · 30/06/2025 23:15

Youdidnotfindme · 30/06/2025 21:42

People seem to love that, though, whereas people seem to generally like me but aren't as drawn to me as her.

Did you post about this recently — about people not liking you because you were reserved and not ‘silly and goofy’? I’m fairly sure I said on that thread that the vast majority of people have fairly limited patience for ‘silly and goofy’ if it’s some kind of relentless performance. It’s certainly not something you should try to force yourself to be, and if your friend thinks you should aspire to be like her, in doing funny voices and pulling faces in photos, she sounds like a bit of an idiot…?

Cassieskinsismad · 30/06/2025 23:16

I'd distance myself from someone who told me I needed to change my personality and they didn't think I was being authentic. Judgemental and putting you down. Nobody needs "friends" like that.

honeyfox · 30/06/2025 23:18

I nearly had a major falling out on a city break with a friend because I wouldn't be 'goofy' with her at one particular point. I just couldn't do it. Never gone away together again.

Ladamesansmerci · 30/06/2025 23:20

It doesn't mean either. You can have contrasting personalities and still get along and be compatible. There's absolutely nothing wrong with being more reserved either. Not being outwardly silly doesn't mean you have no sense of humour, you just have a different sense of humour.

I have friends who have a goofy/loud sense of humour. I have a more dry/deadpan/self-depricating sense of humour. I am considered funny by people, but I'm also quite shy!

There's nothing wrong with your friend either (despite what people on here will say, it's fine to be extraverted and a bit gregarious, it's lovely to have a mix of people in the world), but she shouldn't be implying there's anything wrong with your personality.

Soonenough · 30/06/2025 23:22

Your friend sounds tedious and self absorbed . The "I'm bonkers I am" type . Rather a normal unattention seeking person like you.

WhichOneIsPosher · 01/07/2025 18:35

Your friend sounds like hard work, YADNBU

HouseholdBudget · 01/07/2025 18:51

She sounds rather dull and is if she is having to play the fool because she has nothing more interesting to get people's interests. That kind of behaviour becomes incredibly tedious after a while and certainly doesn't make for a solid basis of a friend/relationship.

roseymoira · 01/07/2025 19:36

How old are you both?

Original poster
Youdidnotfindme · 01/07/2025 19:42

roseymoira · 01/07/2025 19:36

How old are you both?

Mid 30s

OP posts:
aniloD · 02/07/2025 00:08

I suspect she'd hate it if you did. She loves being the centre of attraction and wouldn't like you pulling the attention off her.

DisabledDemon · 02/07/2025 00:08

God, she sounds irritating. Thank Heavens you aren't like her.

HeddaGarbled · 02/07/2025 00:12

There are lots of places in between stiff and goofy. Are you stiff?

pinkdelight · 02/07/2025 00:45

Youdidnotfindme · 30/06/2025 21:46

It's just in relationships I've often found they prefer that. They see it as more exciting and thrilling.

Really? You’re going out with the same people? I very much doubt that’s the case nor that numerous people find whacky accents etc such a big thrill in relationships. Your friend may be onto something about your insecurity if you’re truly questioning yourself about this, but the solution isn’t to become less yourself by adopting your friend’s characteristics, but to own your differences and be at ease with not acting that way. Your friend is fine as she is, some will find that appealing others will find it annoying. Don’t compare yourself to her and if she does, say (in your normal accent) that you love how she is but are happy as you are.

pinkdelight · 02/07/2025 00:47

And by its nature goofy has limited appeal. Your ‘stiffness’ probably helps balance her out. Two goofy friends together is too much!

Lilyricker · 02/07/2025 02:14

You've got it all wrong OP. The majority of men find this sort of behavior in women very annoying and unattractive. Sure, these women do get boyfriends, but these boyfriends are never anything special (usually very quiet, geeky, barely-visible types). She's probably not that attractive and does this to draw attention to herself, much like the overweight girls at my school and later, women at work, who were very loud/gobby (otherwise no one would have noticed them. Your friend is probably the same). I'm sure you're 100% more attractive and likeable than her to others but you just don't see or feel it.

Ohtobemycat · 02/07/2025 02:33

Everyone is different. And all men are different.
Loud people do get more attention because it is hard not to notice them.
But they are not everyones cup of tea.

Hidingawaytoday · 02/07/2025 07:24

To be fair OP, it's your fault for hanging out with my 3yo...

Seriously though, your friend sounds annoying. You, on the other hand, sound lovely.

MuffinsAreJustCakesAtBreakfast · 02/07/2025 07:48

TheOriginalEmu · 30/06/2025 22:51

There’s nothing wrong with being loud and silly and entertaining people…and there’s equally nothing wrong with being more quiet and reserved.

Completely agree but one type will often tell the other type they should be more like them!

No prizes for guessing which way around 🙄

pinkdelight · 02/07/2025 08:32

Lilyricker · 02/07/2025 02:14

You've got it all wrong OP. The majority of men find this sort of behavior in women very annoying and unattractive. Sure, these women do get boyfriends, but these boyfriends are never anything special (usually very quiet, geeky, barely-visible types). She's probably not that attractive and does this to draw attention to herself, much like the overweight girls at my school and later, women at work, who were very loud/gobby (otherwise no one would have noticed them. Your friend is probably the same). I'm sure you're 100% more attractive and likeable than her to others but you just don't see or feel it.

Edited

I'm all for reassuring the OP but not at the expense of quiet guys and overweight women being deemed unattractive, not special etc. Maybe that's your experience of specific individuals but feels a leap from disliking the goofy behaviour to slagging off physical types and geeks, who can often be kind, intelligent and make good partners ime. OP even says she's reserved so may be one of these 'barely visible' types herself and who knows what size she is, but it's not what her attractiveness hinges on.

Echobelly · 02/07/2025 08:35

Friend sounds like she's being deeply annoying towards you. Saying other people should be more like you is not encouraging them to 'be themselves'!

Iwillclasptheeagain · 02/07/2025 08:39

There is a lid for every pot. Some men will prefer her entertaining personality, some would be able to relax more with someone quiet and calm like you. Just be yourself.

I joke a lot often as a way to deflect male attention. I bet you she isn't trying to steal the limelight away from you.

TheOriginalEmu · 02/07/2025 09:13

MuffinsAreJustCakesAtBreakfast · 02/07/2025 07:48

Completely agree but one type will often tell the other type they should be more like them!

No prizes for guessing which way around 🙄

Show quote history

Oh I hear you. I’m very introverted and I’m quite happy in my own company, I get REALLY pissed off with people telling me I must get out more.

InvitingMattress · 02/07/2025 09:20

Lilyricker · 02/07/2025 02:14

You've got it all wrong OP. The majority of men find this sort of behavior in women very annoying and unattractive. Sure, these women do get boyfriends, but these boyfriends are never anything special (usually very quiet, geeky, barely-visible types). She's probably not that attractive and does this to draw attention to herself, much like the overweight girls at my school and later, women at work, who were very loud/gobby (otherwise no one would have noticed them. Your friend is probably the same). I'm sure you're 100% more attractive and likeable than her to others but you just don't see or feel it.

Edited

That’s a silly and unpleasant post that sounds as if it was written by a teenager in the full throes of teen drama.

Apart from anything else, women don’t assume their personas because of said persona’s potential appeal to men.

chocolatemademefat · 02/07/2025 09:24

Couldn’t be arsed with that. One of my friends wants me to go on holiday with her but the way she acts like a flirty teenager around every man in sight means it’s a firm no from me. If you don’t like her antics steer clear.

pulling faces and putting on silly voices would bore me to tears - can’t imagine she’s impressing or amusing anyone.

Namechangefordaughterevasion · 02/07/2025 09:39

Some (like your friend) people love the limelight and attention and behave accordingly. Some people (like you and me) are quieter and prefer not to be the centre of attention. There nothing wrong with either way, the world needs both.

My SIL is one of my best friends. She is definitely the first type. As soon as she walks into a room, she knows everyone, has made everyone laugh, told a funny story, done a couple of accents, probably danced a bit. I love her. She has great energy and life is never dull when she is around. If I were the same way it I think would all get a bit much. We can't all be queen bees. Us more reserved types are important in a group too.