Going on holiday alone.

[Boliviabae]

I love going on holiday alone.

I love travelling. However I get really judged if I do! I have no partner and kids before anyone asks.

Earlier in the year, i went to Spain by myself. At the hotel , the man beside me at the bar started chatting to me. He said that he was here with his friend and he asked who was I with.

I said that I was travelling alone. He looked at me in shock and said "why would you do that!" I said "because i like it". He said "are you not afraid". I said "afraid of what?". I said to him "its a weekend in spain, I have been having a great time"

He said "But i like my friends, go with then" i said "I make new friends when i go places" etc etc. I said to him "when you are in your home country, surely you would go to the next city by yourself? It's not that different"

Anyway, I always get some man saying this to me when I go abroad alone.

I have also met lots of male solo travellers on my journeys , no one says anything to them, yet people seem to be absolutely shocked when women do it.

I am going to Spain by myself next week. My annual leave is written on the rota for all to see. My male colleagues have been coming up to me asking me where i am going (fair enough), then they also ask me who i am going with (which i think is a bit of a weird question and.none of their business anyway).

This time , I actually just lied that i was going with a friend, as I cant face all their judgy comments about travelling alone.

Why do men get so shocked at women travelling alone?

Some people are just afraid of doing stuff alone.

There's alot of people out there never been to a foreign country alone, never been on holiday alone. They take comfort in being with someone they know and reassurance. They are not independent.

They mask their fear by making out you are doing something unreasonable, but really it's all about them being afraid to do such a thing themselves.

I go on holiday alone regularly. I also travel a lot for work - and flew solo most weeks for about seven years. No one has ever approached me and asked why I’m on my own!

I love doing things solo. I did my first solo holiday in may 2021 just after lockdown and travel bans were lifted, did Portugal for a week it was total bliss. I've also got my 2nd solo holiday already booked for next year to corfu in Greece and I cant wait. I do have a partner and we are holidaying together later this year in egypt. I've also done concerts alone and travelled from Manchester to Liverpool for a concert solo and stayed overnight in a Premier inn. I do love spending time with my partner but I also like my alone time when I get too overstimulated and become overwhelmed with everything. I also want to start solo extreme day tripping as soon as funds will allow. I live travel and ive never had anyone judge me for doing anything alone. Just try and take it on the chin and just smile and wave as the old saying goes. P.s I really hope you enjoy your holiday x

It’s not just men and in actual fact it’s only ever women who have commented in my case. ‘Ooooo. You’re so brave’ comments abound and then a full interrogation with suggestions of people I could go with.

Never experienced anything similar, at least that I'm aware of, and I've been holidaying solo for the best part of 25 years.

Mind you, I'm middle aged and have resting bitch face, so that tends to discourage comments from random men.

If anything, I get some good-humoured comments from my female friends who say it must be bliss to enjoy hotel amenities by myself 😅

It can be more dangerous for women as there are some unsavoury people out there.
When you hear of women getting attacked and raped it can really worry you. I’ve travelled alone in the past though but was young and naive and it never crossed my mind that anything could happen to me.
Even with friends you can do silly things like when I was around 20 years old I went to turkey and ended up walking back home to this Turkish guys house. Anything could have happened. My mate was ridiculously drunk too. They were both gentlemen and lived with their family and made sure we were safe and got us safely back to our hotel.
Men tend to be able to protect themselves better too as have more physical strength. Also when you travel alone if something happens to you no one might find out for a while too. It’s great to do it but you do put yourself at risk too.

My PIL have always been very impressed that I crossed half of Europe on my own when I was 18 to work abroad for a year. They see it as a great achievement. But my late DM expected me to be able to do it - it wasn’t a great achievement to her. She went into the navy at 17 and left home with a couple of suitcases and I think she didn’t see much difference in me going abroad to live with a family for a year. I had a reasonable grasp of the language so I’d be fine.

In my line of work, research trips mean you’re often staying away from home so if you’re not prepared to eat in a restaurant on your own it would be sandwiches in your hotel room - not a chance.

What did the solo travelling bloke say when you asked him why he was on his own, OP!!

This is surprising. I’ve been going on holiday alone for years as my work schedule never seemed to align with friends for longer holidays. Never once felt judged or was judged - but then I was in my 20’s and interrailing or the sort of international adventures I went on were quite common for my age group, even though I was only doing long weekends mostly. Definitely just enjoy yourself and ignore them, holidaying alone is the best and I miss it now I’m kidded up!

Most people when they are making these comments are from their own world view. It’s great that you solo travellers are bold and love solo travelling. As someone that has a family that’s not possible. Even when I was single I hated being on my own. We are all different. So what works for you doesn’t work for others. It’s not necessarily judgment of what you should be or not doing but more what the person talking to you would probably not do.

How dare you travel on your own! Closed minded male EGOICK types. I've travelled the world and come across many solo female travellers in all sorts of places. From Ashrams to bars and beyond.

Solo travelling= no compromising. Do what you want, be lazy/active when you want, no drama over meals (can't we eat something less/more spicy etc) Talk to people if you wish, enjoy your own company if you don't.
The only drawback is using airport loos when you have no-one to watch your luggage but after that it's all easy peasy.

I went to Spain alone in May and it was HEAVEN!
I had a few comments from older women (aunties mostly) saying it was sad to go away yourself, that I was going to get murdered bla bla bla.
I turned it around and explained how sad it was to not have the confidence to live your life.
Her daughters were there at the time, both laid into her for having such small minded, old fashioned views.
So for me I feel its more older people without much life experience that I get push back from.
I feel like smirking at them, they have no idea how good it is and would never try it because of their own self limiting beliefs.

@Boliviabae not just men .
childfree last weekend . Walked to restaurant at end of my road had food and few drinks chatted to a few people and walked home. Out les than 3 hrs no harm done.
Had a chat with someone in a local business about my weekend . Comment was “oh dear” with judgement .

I dont get why if you choose to be single you can’t holiday or eat out or socalise . I know it’s their issue not ours but what is it that triggers them?

Men will share their opinions on absolutely everything a woman does. Just ignore.
I love travelling alone.

Do you not think us solo women travellers have families? I do .

Some people just can’t do anything on their own.

I worked with a woman who couldn’t do a 50 min train journey on her own.

Another who couldn’t walk into a coffee shop / restaurant / bar on her own to meet friends inside.

Another was shocked I lived alone as they ‘need company’.

I loved travelling alone when I was younger - so very freeing. Only one experience in Majorca left me lonely, when I was surrounded by large happy families and I missed my own.

I've travelled alone to multiple places and get such a lot from the experience. Ignore anyone who says it's weird, they are probably jealous of your independent spirit and haven't the imagination to do it themself.

To be honest, I wouldn't tell anyone I met I was by myself though, especially a random man in a bar. There is a safety aspect, but mainly it's none of their business. I'd be vague, or if necessary say I'm waiting for a friend, my cousin, my brother.

Many people have commented that they do have families and also travel alone.

I don’t think anyone is saying it is a bad thing not to solo travel but more the responses to women who do when many men don’t get the same questions or comments especially from a culture where it is norm to take gap years and travel abroad.

Maybe it is bold to you, but for others, it’s either waiting around til someone goes with them, not having the experience at all and regretting not doing it, or having had the experience of travelling with others only to find they compromised more then they wanted to and missed out so they try going on their own.

Plus, many also build up to it. Plenty of forums about solo travel of people talking about building up to it by going on short trips and working their way up to bigger ones or going to a place they have been before and doing a short holiday there because there is some familiarity.

Don’t think anyone is saying you have to go on a solo trip if you’re not comfortable with doing so.

I went abroad on my own last year. A lot of the time I made reservations in advance, which were clearly for one person. Me. In one of the restaurants I was greeted and seated and then ignored for ages. When I managed to grab the attention of one of the wait staff, said I would like to order now please, the response was "oh... but we thought you were waiting for someone as women don't dine alone"..... this one does matey!

I spent 3 weeks in SE Asia earlier this year. Partly solo and partly with (a lovely) group - didn’t know them. It was fab. Loved wandering around at my pace. Stopping when I wanted a drink and not when the kids were hungry. A couple of people asked what my family thought….

I’d personally hate to go away by myself but I am an extrovert. I wouldn’t question anyone who did go away by themselves though - we’re all different. I think it is rude to comment negatively on someone’s plans or something they enjoy doing

Loved wandering around at my pace. Stopping when I wanted a drink and not when the kids were hungry.

Exactly. If it was DH and the kids, we would stop maybe 3-4 times for food and a pint for him and then extra loo breaks because one of them would need it out of all the times we have already stopped which then involves searching for a loo.

Why do you care? You seem to be justifying yourself to a lot of idiots with some deeply entrenched misogyny. What for?

If anything, ‘I like it’, and that’s the end of the conversation. I’m not sure I’d even bother with that, tbh.

@annzen - loved your post! You've got me Googling Bayonne and San Sebastian!