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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

Neighbours children- setting boundaries

26 replies

LittlePurpleBunny · 30/06/2025 09:44

We've just moved house. In the house we have DD10 and DS6. For context we moved here from a very rural place and are not used to having neighbours so this is new.

There are children in our new village, across the road there are 3 from 2 households simlar in age to mine. I love that there are children for mine to play with but they are here ALL THE TIME!

They are already in our garden when we get back from school I have to ask them to leave (firmly) so we can have dinner (and they spend the whole mealtime knocking on the door asking if the kids are finished yet), I send them on their way when we are getting ready for bed but they continue knocking until around 9:30. Weekends they get us up and are here all day. They help themselves to food and drinks (they do occasionally ask) and leave litter all over the garden. They play with the kids toys but don't let DD6 join in (he's SEN and comes across younger than he is). They wind up our dog to the point that I have to shut him out of the way. Yesterday one one them destroyed the small pond in the garden by smashing the pots around it (DD6 cut his hand) and filling it with gravel because she wanted to know if there were frogs in it. This was after DD10 retreated inside to her room for a break and DH and I had to repeatedly tell them they weren't allowed to walk in and through the house to find her.

I kind of lost it and told them they weren't allowed over anymore if they couldn't respect our rules (we have tried explaining nicely). DD and DS are upset because they think they won't have friends anymore and I don't want to start a neighbour feud but I don't know what else to do? AIBU?

For context the other parents do not seem interested.

OP posts:

crossstitchingnana · 30/06/2025 09:49

You deserve a medal for putting up with it for as long as you have. I would speak to the parents, can the kids not all play out? You are well within your rights to say,”no” to them coming over. They sound feral.

TheSandgroper · 30/06/2025 09:52

This is where “fine fences make for good neighbourhood “ comes into play. Get some.

Do not hesitate to be firm with them.

“It’s time you went home now”. You can use this often.
”the children can play tomorrow “.
”You can’t come tomorrow. It doesn’t suit”.
“You can play at home tomorrow.”

TeenLifeMum · 30/06/2025 10:03

we have the biggest garden in the street with a trampoline and areas to play. When we first moved in the other dc in the cul de sac were always in the garden but we have rabbits who have free run of the garden in the day. Oddly, I know the dc didn’t use this garden previously as the owners didn’t have children. I don’t have any advice because ours started in 2019 and then it was winter followed by 2020 lockdowns. That stopped it here.

Endofyear · 30/06/2025 10:42

Your mistake was putting up with all this and getting frustrated and angry and losing it. There's no need. Just put firm boundaries in place eg 'you can come in and play in the garden for an hour' and then send them home. Don't answer the door if they knock when you're busy. Don't let them come over and stay all day. Don't allow them to help themselves to food & drink. You're the adult and you're in charge in your own house. Set boundaries and enforce them!

Helpmeplease2025 · 30/06/2025 10:43

Just send them back home, every single time, unless invited.

PurpleThistle7 · 30/06/2025 10:46

Unfortunately as you let this go on too long it will be harder for you but I think a full reset is in order now.

Is there anywhere outside for them to play that isn't your garden? We have a middle green area that I encourage the children to use. So I'd personally probably say to them all (including their parents) that you are having the garden fixed up after all the destruction so no one can go back there for x weeks and try to just reset the expectations from the start. If you like to feed them, I'd have a basket you put out front with some snacks and that's the end of it. Or just... don't? I don't love other people feeding my kids anyway so the other parents might appreciate it!

Absolutely no expectation on anyone that you should just cope with destruction. That's terrible and I'd get the parents to sort that out. I'd be horrified if my children did that!

My children have other kids in the area that are in and out but they have to ask permission to go into people's houses, they cannot just take food without asking, they cannot destroy things... just basic rules really!

CeciliaMars · 30/06/2025 10:52

No way Jose! I would knock on the parents’ door and say while we you like their children, please can they only come over when invited. That’s just not on.

looselegs · 30/06/2025 10:59

All the other parents are rubbing their hands together because they're getting free childcare- at your expense- abd peace and quiet for a few hours.
Time to say no...

Original poster

LittlePurpleBunny · 30/06/2025 11:55

Thanks all. Will be firmer with boundaries. DD10 has asked if she can set up a tuck shop in the garage! I've already spoken to parents but they don't seem bothered, so I'm considering writing up a childminding/babysitter agreement and posting it to them stating that if your child is on my property I will take it that you agree to charges set out 🤣
Seriously though we have only been here a week and a half, but wanted some idea that I wasn't being overly precious about it which I don't think I am now.

OP posts:

PurpleThistle7 · 30/06/2025 11:59

Oh wow, just a couple weeks and all this already! I didn't understand what 'just' meant to you - assumed this had been going on for months.

Great news though as you can reset now.

Withdjsns · 30/06/2025 12:02

Yikes that’s pretty bad; I’m not surprised the parents are uninterested as they’re getting free childcare! Firm boundaries are the only way to go here I say; be the terrifying mum at no whatever and show your children it’s ok to have boundaries with friends.

BusMumsHoliday · 30/06/2025 12:03

If you've only been there a week and a half, I expect the novelty will wear off. But absolutely set boundaries. No knocking on the door before/after a certain time. Lock on the gate, so they can't enter the garden when you're not present (the pond makes this a safety issue). I'd also have a chat about general house rules: asking before taking food, tidying up mess, letting everyone play. If your DD doesn't want to play anymore, it's fine to say, "I've got x and y to do now, so you need to go home."

The one I would raise with parents is about them excluding your DS, and their behaviour with the dog - because the latter is a safety issue as well. And I would walk them back home and explain why they are being sent home if either happens again.

murasaki · 30/06/2025 12:04

How are they getting into your garden when you're not there?

Beamur · 30/06/2025 12:05

It's only been a week and a bit so all the kids are very excited about new neighbours.
Nip what you don't want to happen in the bud right now.
No playing in your garden when you're not home.
If you're eating/busy - your kids will come out when they're free. Don't keep knocking.
No means no.
No helping themselves to drinks and snacks. Go home if you're hungry. (No one is going to read your rules - you need to say this clearly to the kids)

ThejoyofNC · 30/06/2025 12:06

I'd speak to the parents and give them your phone number on a piece of paper. Tell them that turning up at your door doesn't work for you and that they need to text for permission first.

Mrsttcno1 · 30/06/2025 12:20

We live on a street like this and the general rules are that nobody knocks before 9am, everybody goes home at 5pm, all kids behave themselves or they go home and kids take their lunch boxes and snacks with them wherever they go😂 it’s also quite well shared out so that it’s not just one house overrun with children constantly, it’s give & take. We have recently got lots of new garden toys with the nice weather coming through so we now have a little climbing frame, swing, trampoline and paddling pool etc and that’s made our garden quite popular the last week or so but even then I heard next door telling her kids that our garden is still our garden, they can come play here again next time but this time they play in their garden type of thing.

I do think it only really properly works if everybody is okay with it & takes a turn though.

WaltzingWaters · 30/06/2025 12:27

That’s good it’s only been less than a couple weeks. Put the firm boundaries in now.
”Do not knock before 10am (or whatever time)”.
“Do not help yourselves to food. You go back home and eat there/ bring your own food over”.
“We are busy so please do not knock on the door tomorrow. You will not be allowed in”.
”It is time to go home now. No more knocking this evening.”
Be very firm.

Send your kids over there too (if the parents seem trust worthy course. They certainly sound either clueless or more likely CF’s!”

Flossflower · 30/06/2025 12:43

Why were they already in your garden when they got home?
i would have told them off on the spot for many of the things they did. Just tell them not to knock and the kids will be out when they have finished their meal.
My own kids did not help themselves to snacks at 10. I didn’t want them eating too much stuff between meals.

Lavatime · 30/06/2025 12:48

I think just tell them rules and set out the boundaries each time so if your happy for them to play with your dc in your garden from 3-5pm just say they can come over but have to leave when either your dc want to come in and stop playing or when it gets to 5pm
if they knock whilst your eating dinner say that you're busy and that dc will come and knock for them if they want to play after dinner

Nanny0gg · 30/06/2025 12:48

LittlePurpleBunny · 30/06/2025 11:55

Get a lock for the gate

Refuse entry.

They clearly don't know how to behave in other peoples' gardens (and it'll be the house in the winter!) so put a stop to it now.

beautyqueeen · 30/06/2025 12:48

I know it may feel awkward but you need to be firm and stick to it for them to get the message:

Dont come here DD with knock for you if she can play
I’ve told you before not to knock
Time for you to go home now if you can’t play nicely
If you want a snack go and see your parents

Any more of the bad behaviours, destroying things, being unkind etc I would take them directly home knock on the door, tell the parents what’s happened and they’re not to come knocking again. It may feel awkward but you need to set some boundaries they’re taking the piss!

sowemeetagainbananaman · 30/06/2025 12:52

I’d be fairly ok with most of that, EXCEPT leaving your son out.

id nip that in the bud quickly. “Sorry, guys, it’s Tom’s house, if you can’t include him and he kind you’ll have to go home”

HelloCheekyCat · 30/06/2025 13:12

murasaki · 30/06/2025 12:04

How are they getting into your garden when you're not there?

Yes how?! Lock any gates, if they can't be locked but locks.
Any kids coming over early at the weekend take them home. Actually I'd take them home every time anyway after trashing your pond, upsetting your dog and your son!!!

MakeItToTheMoon · 30/06/2025 13:20

I wonder if the reason they are always at your house is because their parents are not really paying any attention to them? Children of that age usually know how to behave at other people’s houses, can you imagine your children doing the same at another neighbours house? Very odd behaviour.

Shinyandnew1 · 30/06/2025 13:20

They are already in our garden when we get back from school

How can they just get in your garden? It sounds like you need fences/gates-some sort of security?? Can anyone just walk into your garden, and then house!

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