Ex-H and his blatant, relentless lies on our divorce paperwork. AIBU to be devastated, but also worried…??

[brokenbutfixable]

Please help to put my mind at ease!

Ex-Hand I filed for a divorce around 7 months ago, but he has been massively dragging his heels and not completing documentation and paperwork in a timely manner, causing delays and extra stress and expenses.

my lawyer wrote to me a few weeks ago to advise that he has asked his solicitor to get the ball rolling in the divorce again, and so we were both asked to complete our financial disclosure forms in which I completed wholeheartedly and completely accurately and honestly.

I have just received an email from my lawyer containing my ex Husbands financial disclosure form, and I am extremely disappointed and really upset by what I’ve seen.

He has form for lying and manipulation, which is the cause of the marriage breakdown - and so I don’t know why I was expecting any diferent - but his form is absolutely packed FULL of lies.

He has lied and managed to fiddle with his bank statements and accounts to show his salary as almost 3 times LESS than what I know he earns.

He has made awful, very personal allegations against me. Stating that I have sold personal belongings, neglected assets, bad behavioural traits etc.

to say I am upset is an understatement. I’ve taken the day off work to try to go through our conversation history during the time we were together (19 years!) to find evidence to back myself up.

I know I sound pathetic - but I don’t know what implications these lies could have on the divorce going forward. I guess after all of his allegations, a calm mediation (which I was hoping for!) is now out of the question… so I assume this will now go to the courts..

Can his blatant lies have any effect on the way this divorce goes? My credibility etc? Some of the things he’s accused me of are downright awful, and I am so worried now that these lies will be believed and taken into account and considered when it comes to finding the outcome.

I am also kicking myself for being so considerate on my forms. I wish I went into as much detail as he has (lies, but still extremely detailed and convincing to those that would know no different …)

I am sorry to ramble on. I am just absolutely beside myself, and was hoping to hear from anybody that may know the process better than me.

I really don’t understand how the process works. I’ve never been in this situation before but yes, thankfully no children involved. I guess what I’m trying to say is if he’s lying about his salary being almost 3 times less than what I know he’s getting goodness knows what else he is lying about. I am going through all of his documents now with a fine tooth comb… but there is just lie after a lie after lie after lie.

Just concentrate on assets to split all the rest is irrelevant
length of marriage can have an impact on settlement

@brokenbutfixable

regarding his dragging out the process you do have options 🌻

eta; make sure your lawyer is on the ball here (they often have a huge case load, you will have to be proactive)

What's the purpose of the financial disclosure? Are you seeking maintenance of some sort? Is he not prepared to split financial assets like savings and a home? Is he seeking a share of your pension?

@TreadSoftlyOnMyDreams

"What's the purpose of the financial disclosure?"

It is a process that two parties undertake to ensure, as much as is possible, fairness with their financial arrangements.

Each party discloses to the other all of their individual finances – assets and liabilities. This should provide the best opportunity to achieve a fair financial settlement on a divorce or dissolution.

So one doesn't shaft the other, possibly? smh

Ok - I'll rephrase "What are you seeking to achieve financially?" and the reason for this is that from the OP's post, it sounds as though she has her own income, no children and they were married. So a simple division of assets should be achievable irrespective of whether he claims he earns 0 or 100k ?

If however he is asserting a right to more than 50% of their assets by dint of claiming poverty then spending the time and money on a forensic accountant would be worth it.

Go through his paperwork and advise or correct every issue, providing evidence where possible.

@TreadSoftlyOnMyDreams

thanks for clarifying, I mis-interpreted your original post.

This happens every single day in divorce court.

He won't be able to get away with having loads of cash in hand. He needs to show his payslips, his tax contributions etc. also if he can't prove something then it will be disregarded.

If his family business is dodgy then all the more reason for his lies to fall apart.

I'm only speaking from experience of an amicable divorce but with regards to the statements he has made about you, everything sounds much much worse once it is put into 'solicitor-speak'.
My ex and I had agreed between us that he would be the 'unreasonable' one so drafted a few examples together which my solicitor rewrote for the official documents - it made him sound horrendous and I phoned him up to warn him. He said later he was glad I had done that as it would have pissed him off no end if he'd just received the petition in the post and we wouldn't have had an amicable divorce at all!

@blobby10 luckily these days (since 2022) you don't need to place the blame on either party as we have no-fault divorce. I don't think that is what OPs H is doing, he's just being nasty for the hell of it.

My ex fabricated so much in his form that his outgoings far exceeded his income. It was a complete work of fiction. He was pulled up on it by the Judge. Try not to worry too much, but go through his form and have rebuttals prepared.

I would be tempted to report his family's company to HMRC for financial irregularities. You can do this anonymously.

@Snoken - thank you for correcting me - I didn't realise that was the case these days.

99% of the despicable failures of men that I read about on here should be rounded up and fired into the sun. It’s just awful what they do to women and children.

I would make a list of absolutely everything he says and then make a note of the truth for each point. Bank statements go back many many years. If he says family have made him a loan then it would've had to have landed in a bank account. If he says he paid for something then it would've come out of his bank account. He sounds really awful and I am glad you are rid of him.

Think carefully about what the end goal is here.
Theres no children involved so no need for maintenance.
What are the actual marital assets? And pensions?

Fighting his lies and getting accounts involved is only worth it if you feel that he is withholding significant money/assets. You will be paying so much to lawyers that if we’re just talking a few thousand it may not be worth the stress.

Solitting the assets/arguing about maintenance was the most stressful bit of the divorce. But I’d got less pension due to working part time and less earning potential so it was worth fighting. But ours was still a relatively amicable divorce but still cost about 10k.

You need to be clear what you’re fighting for. If it’s just to get the truth and clear what he’s said about you then think long and hard whether it’s worth it. If it’s to claim 1000s then go ahead but it will be strsssgul and every conversation with a lawyer will cost you.

Good luck.

ExH did same. The lies were extraordinary. I had some evidence to dispute them and he had none to back them up.
Have a really good understanding of who is claiming what against the other if there’s no maintenance then income is only relevant for mortgage capacity.
Likely his outgoings will undermine his lies.
Courts won’t accept family loans with no paperwork I had borrowed money for legal costs and was paying my family back monthly so that was accepted as a debt because there was evidence it was being repaid.
Earning capacity is more relevant than current earnings (unless someone has been out labour market for long time). So you can use old bank statements to show his previous earnings are what he is capable of if he maximised his earnings (which the court expects him to do).
The judge found ex was less than truthful on several points and I got a good deal even though had go all the way through court proceedings as ex being so unreasonable. I got some costs back as they were treated as a debt to be deducted from assets (so in effect he ended up paying 50% of costs he wasted, although it still cost me a lot too).

If you don’t have children are you still entitled to alimony ? How long was the marriage? Do you work ?

I’d get a forensic accountant

I suggest that you need to talk to your solicitor and see what is - or is not going to be relevant and tackle what is relevant

Forensic accountant time! Solicitor should have one. Men often try this on.