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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

AIBU to end relationship over this?

39 replies

Positivevibes01 · 29/06/2025 18:23

Feel like I may be acting a little dramatic but at the same time feel as though I'm also being gaslit into being the unreasonable person.
My partner and I have different sex drives. He would happily have it 3-4 times a week whereas I am happy to have weekly, sometimes longer between. But it's never usually longer than 2 weeks.
However, this week I have been feeling very tired and exhausted (due to the heat but also Diabetes - recently changed meds and it's making me fatigued) so after working all week, I ended up sleeping in on Sat morning until 11.30am which I never, ever do.
When I woke up, partner in a mood, says he's fine but it's because I said I'd give him some Friday night but ended up going to bed as I was exhausted. We went out Saturday running errands and when we got back I had a nap. Fast forward to today, I had a friend coming over at 11am and he knew this, however was trying it on around 10am even though I said repeatedly that I was still exhausted and needed to get ready for friend coming over. He accepted it after asking a million times but again, in a mood.
He's working away all next week so was saying how he wasn't going to see me and did I not want to be intimate with him. I explained I wasn't because I didnt want to, it was because I'm so exhausted and too hot and bothered due to the weather (my meds also increase my body temp). He then sends me an Instagram video of someone talking about how people make time for those who they want to and that you shouldn't have to force someone to care or love you, which has left me feeling absolutely shit and like I'm in the wrong.
I just feel put down and like he's being selfish for putting it on me when he's seen how much I've struggled this week and how fatigued I am.
I also do see his side and know he has needs, and maybe I'm not meeting his expectations?

OP posts:
Havetheweekendoffreports · 29/06/2025 18:26

Gross

how long have you been together?

BCBird · 29/06/2025 18:26

He shouldn't be pressuring you into sex.

LostThePlotEncore · 29/06/2025 18:27

This is really unattractive and would put me right off.

DeniseSecunda1 · 29/06/2025 18:27

He is a selfish prick, OP. He clearly thinks of you (and probably all women) as “required” to satisfy the “needs” ( big eye roll there) of men. I think this is a red flag. If you never wanted sex and this was happening aaaaaaall the time, then sure, it’s reasonable to talk about the problems in your sex life, but this sounds like a one-off. He should grow the hell up.

Havetheweekendoffreports · 29/06/2025 18:29

Op just read your last threads

this is a loveless and thoroughly awful relationship almost from the get go

IhadaStripeyDeckchair · 29/06/2025 18:30

He doesn't respect that you have medical issues affecting all aspects of your life at the moment.
He doesn't respect your "No" and pesters for sex.
He send emotive manipulative videos to you to coerce you into having sex with him.

He's a sex pest.
He wants you so he can have sex.
He considers his need for sex more important than anything else.

That's gross.
My advice is to end it and move on.
Hell never improve, he'll only get worse.

I'm sorry 💐 it's tough when you realise someone you care about doesn't care about you in the same way.

Arlanymor · 29/06/2025 18:37

His behaviour is gross.

Namechangetry · 29/06/2025 18:45

I said I'd give him some

You don't have sex with someone as a present. Anyone who wants to have sex with you, knowing you're not into it, is not someone you should have sex with.

Crikeyalmighty · 29/06/2025 18:47

It’s not ‘needs’ its ‘wants’ - it’s meant to be mutual enjoyment, not you ‘giving him some’ and I certainly wouldn’t be enjoying it with this sex pest who seems to think you are there on tap to service his wants

BigFattyBoomBoom · 29/06/2025 18:50

God there is nothing worse than being 'pestered' into sex.

Firstly, when will men get it that its the least sexy thing ever, and that pestering is actually a massive fucking turn off, and will not get you what you want.

Second to pestering is men who bloody sulk like babies when they don't get their leg over.

Dickheads 😠

Namechangetry · 29/06/2025 18:54

Oh wait is this the one who said he may as well just take what he wants from you and called you a fat cunt? Do you need to be told to bin him again or have you found another gross women hating prick since?

Katemax82 · 29/06/2025 18:55

Christ is your partner my husband?

Katemax82 · 29/06/2025 18:57

Ps never promise you will do it, in case you don't want to when the time comes

MarvellousMonsters · 29/06/2025 18:59

“partner in a mood, says he's fine but it's because I said I'd give him some Friday night but ended up going to bed as I was exhausted.”

No. No. No. Sex is not a right, or a need, the only reason you should be having sex with him is because YOU want to. Never to appease him or get him to stop nagging. If he can’t understand that you’re exhausted and it’s affecting your libido then he’s not a very caring or empathic person.

In the bin he goes.

MarvellousMonsters · 29/06/2025 19:07

I feel this is incredibly pertinent.

AIBU to end relationship over this?
Positivevibes01 · 29/06/2025 19:16

Been together 2 years on and off. Definitely fed up of it and honestly not worth the emotional upset

OP posts:
Positivevibes01 · 29/06/2025 19:17

Namechangetry · 29/06/2025 18:54

Oh wait is this the one who said he may as well just take what he wants from you and called you a fat cunt? Do you need to be told to bin him again or have you found another gross women hating prick since?

Nooo not me! If he ever said that to be I'd be kicking him out straight through the door! I did see that post though, absolutely awful :(

OP posts:
LurkyMcLurkinson · 29/06/2025 19:18

Send him an insta video or post on coercion. I’m sure you’ll find something on women’s aid.

Havetheweekendoffreports · 29/06/2025 19:22

Positivevibes01 · 29/06/2025 19:17

Nooo not me! If he ever said that to be I'd be kicking him out straight through the door! I did see that post though, absolutely awful :(

Edited

I have reads your threads op

you have been considering leaving for months because of his behaviour

so channel some of that feistiness you display in this particular post

Rainbowqueeen · 29/06/2025 19:27

so he’s seen you struggle all week and done nothing to make your days easier or expressed any sympathy but is now all woe is me because he didn’t get what he wanted? Yeah dump.

cordelia16 · 29/06/2025 19:41

Rainbowqueeen · 29/06/2025 19:27

so he’s seen you struggle all week and done nothing to make your days easier or expressed any sympathy but is now all woe is me because he didn’t get what he wanted? Yeah dump.

Edited

exactly my thoughts

a loving partner would be concerned about your tiredness/health and do what he could to help you feel better.

Positivevibes01 · 29/06/2025 19:42

Havetheweekendoffreports · 29/06/2025 19:22

I have reads your threads op

you have been considering leaving for months because of his behaviour

so channel some of that feistiness you display in this particular post

Yes I have been unhappy for a while.
The post from someone being called a fat c**t was not me though.

OP posts:
usedtobeaylis · 29/06/2025 19:45

He's not only pressuring you, he's failing to support you when you need a bit of time and space for your own needs. He will never support you.

LittlleMy · 29/06/2025 19:58

@Positivevibes01 reminds me of my ex, if ever I was feeling unwell it totally would fall on deaf ears and whatever it was he wanted he’d still be gunning for it. Would make me feel invisible and as though I were ‘just a physical body’ for whatever it was he needed or wanted at any moment. I had to walk away in the end as all this time (2 years) I felt we were developing a genuine human caring connection for each other but sadly not so kind of makes the whole relationship not real in my eyes and so of course absolutely pointless trying to pursue a future with such a selfish man.