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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

AIBU to end relationship over this?

39 replies

Positivevibes01 · 29/06/2025 18:23

Feel like I may be acting a little dramatic but at the same time feel as though I'm also being gaslit into being the unreasonable person.
My partner and I have different sex drives. He would happily have it 3-4 times a week whereas I am happy to have weekly, sometimes longer between. But it's never usually longer than 2 weeks.
However, this week I have been feeling very tired and exhausted (due to the heat but also Diabetes - recently changed meds and it's making me fatigued) so after working all week, I ended up sleeping in on Sat morning until 11.30am which I never, ever do.
When I woke up, partner in a mood, says he's fine but it's because I said I'd give him some Friday night but ended up going to bed as I was exhausted. We went out Saturday running errands and when we got back I had a nap. Fast forward to today, I had a friend coming over at 11am and he knew this, however was trying it on around 10am even though I said repeatedly that I was still exhausted and needed to get ready for friend coming over. He accepted it after asking a million times but again, in a mood.
He's working away all next week so was saying how he wasn't going to see me and did I not want to be intimate with him. I explained I wasn't because I didnt want to, it was because I'm so exhausted and too hot and bothered due to the weather (my meds also increase my body temp). He then sends me an Instagram video of someone talking about how people make time for those who they want to and that you shouldn't have to force someone to care or love you, which has left me feeling absolutely shit and like I'm in the wrong.
I just feel put down and like he's being selfish for putting it on me when he's seen how much I've struggled this week and how fatigued I am.
I also do see his side and know he has needs, and maybe I'm not meeting his expectations?

OP posts:
Namechangetry · 29/06/2025 19:59

Positivevibes01 · 29/06/2025 19:17

Nooo not me! If he ever said that to be I'd be kicking him out straight through the door! I did see that post though, absolutely awful :(

Edited

Sorry I thought that was your post I mixed you up with another poster! 🙏

Strugglingsoul19 · 29/06/2025 20:01

As someone who was in a coercive relationship that including around sex. Leave now. I brushed it off as moaning and sulking and my world of sdvice is a man like this is toxic. If I had left I woukd never have ended up in a situation that I will spend years recovering from ❤️❤️ he is not worth it.

MyCyanReader · 29/06/2025 20:07

This man sounds awful!

You're a human being with feelings, not some blow up sex doll!

If someone pestered me for sex like that I'd never want to sleep with them ever again.

usedtobeaylis · 29/06/2025 20:11

He sounds like he's the man who harasses his wife for sex when she just gave birth a week ago.

Havetheweekendoffreports · 29/06/2025 20:33

Positivevibes01 · 29/06/2025 19:42

Yes I have been unhappy for a while.
The post from someone being called a fat c**t was not me though.

Yes but you have accepted even worse and certainly Not “kicked him out”

Zanatdy · 29/06/2025 20:38

A relatively short relationship, i’d just end it. Not sure why men want to have sex with someone who doesn’t want it. Do they not actually care? Clearly not. Sounds like you’re unhappy, life is too short.

DisplayPurposesOnly · 29/06/2025 20:44

Never ever be with someone who thinks sex is something you 'give' or 'do to' someone. It's meant to be a mutually enjoyable exchange.

LadyMonicaBaddingham · 29/06/2025 20:46

I've got the ick from here, and i live in the middle of nowhere....

DisappearingGirl · 29/06/2025 20:50

BigFattyBoomBoom · 29/06/2025 18:50

God there is nothing worse than being 'pestered' into sex.

Firstly, when will men get it that its the least sexy thing ever, and that pestering is actually a massive fucking turn off, and will not get you what you want.

Second to pestering is men who bloody sulk like babies when they don't get their leg over.

Dickheads 😠

Absolutely this!

Lavender14 · 29/06/2025 20:50

I was thinking he was a selfish arse reading this until I got to this bit:

"He then sends me an Instagram video of someone talking about how people make time for those who they want to and that you shouldn't have to force someone to care or love you, which has left me feeling absolutely shit and like I'm in the wrong."

And then I thought actually, he's a manipulative, selfish arse.

I think that's really bullying behaviour op and I would kick him to the kerb without giving it a second thought.

PeapodMcgee · 29/06/2025 20:55

Why are you NOT kicking him straight through the door, for treating you like an appliance designed to service him? He's treating you just as a walking cunt, (not a 3D human being) even if he doesn't call you one.

He's abusive. Get rid.

Why are you questioning yourself, thinking you're being 'dramatic' for not happily accepting his shit?

AuntMarch · 29/06/2025 20:59

Havetheweekendoffreports · 29/06/2025 18:29

Op just read your last threads

this is a loveless and thoroughly awful relationship almost from the get go

Off topic, but how do you read/find a posters other threads please?

AuntMarch · 29/06/2025 21:01

He should recognize that you are struggling and be going out of his way to help you. Not adding stress and guilt trips because he's got to settle for a wank.

Just because he doesn't have any respect for you, doesn't mean you shouldn't either. Get rid.

ChristineSn · 29/06/2025 21:03

You deserve better. Your partner should never pressure you into sex, and he should have more sympathy for your health struggles.

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