Should and how do I have a co parenting relationship with my ex husband ?

[Madtulip]

Please help. Just signed off divorce after very long acrimonious process. Wealthy ex who hid assets / rarely saw kids etc but used threats of custody for them to get at me. I asked for nothing from
him and paid him money to keep the house - i remortgaged to do this. I stayed grey rock as much as I could. Older kids don’t bother with him much and I don’t interfere when they do. He pays their school fees and minimum other makntensnce. No extra curriculars no school trips no. There was a lot of nos. My issue is our youngest. Many years left as 2 parents. She’s a beautiful kid. She loves him sees him every Saturday and once midweek but he cancels a lot for work dos / rugby etc. I have not verbally spoken or been in same room with him for 28 months. Bar the court. I communicate by email only. Basically mentally I can’t manage anything else. So I stay away. Since divorce he’s around more - since the second we left the court. In more text contact with older kids and turned up in announced at younger sporting event. I stay grey rock but inside I’m so sick. He’s averting as if all ok and we can be pals or something. Im really confused. I want to do what’s best for my kids but I can’t really cope with the extra contact. I’ve had four emails and two unexpected sightings this weekend alone. He’s not rude etc just I feel very uneasy after all the nastiness. I’m half thinking that it’s my issue and I need to grow up or something. I’m scared and very wary. Am I being unreasonable to continue staying away from him and not engaging ? How can I fo this for rest of my life ?? I’m so tired.

I feel your pain

I started a new Gmail just for him and have notifications turned off and asked for everything. To go there. No what's so. No suprises

Reply to him (or don't bother) that he's free to take your daughter wherever he chooses when he is parenting her, on the days he chose, and that theres no need for him to contact you about this in future.

He's wasting his money on solicitors letters like a loser, mustn't be getting much attention on online dating 😆

Solicitor letters are for attention seeking, don't give him the reaction he's begging for.

How long has it been since the child reports were done? At that time was daughter not doing nights?

Just wanted to see the timeline. For example, if the children were discussed in the divorce and at that time she wasn't having overnights, and it has been less than a year, then I would response saying this is too soon. That DD values consistency and has been clear with her opinion and is happy with the current situation, that a child report has already taken place x months ago so it is too soon. You would be happy to look at her wishes in a year or two.

However if the stopping nights is a recent change since everything had been wrapped up, it might just be you go through with it. However I would take PPs suggestion of asking for 5 names to choose from and go with daughter for moral support, even to just sit in the waiting room.

Hi Bookart55 DD has never done overnights with him. Bar one night about three years ago and she refused to do it again. Small Metal Bunk dark bed room/ he slept in bottom bunk as she was so uneasy. To date he ignored any suggestions about shopping with her re making the room her own - he uses it for cycling buddies … he takes her for one overnight in a hotel with a pool once a year - his offer. What he demands in front of people - the show I call it - is July holidays / every other weekend access but hes not around to do them - there was one weak offer of a week cycling and camping in the middle of winter that all the kids were like nooo .. and of course he painted that as I was PA him from kids … he likes to paint himself as the victim .. whilst i pay all the bills do all the drops pick ups etc etc. court report said children were happy well adjusted and suggested he do parenting courses etc but didn’t do any so judge queries his actual intent … he’s a man child who is happiest cycling and eating and who puts his own narrow selfish interests first. He doesn’t care about hurting his child - he wants the show .. to say to his brothers / corporate world “look I tried it “ but the people in it - me the kids my family my friends the inner court his own legal team all saw him for what he is. He changed legal teams twice and this last letter was from another new lady one - nearly smelled of flowers :(. I will defend and help daughter until she gets to second level where the phone and friends will take precedence .. it’s just bone tiring. So wish I had chosen someone else more adult.