Page 3 | to want to know more about OH's infidelity?

MelBrookesMyHero · 2025-06-28T22:43:24+00:00

I'm posting cos I just have to get this all off my chest somewhere, I don't have anyone else I can share it with, it's brewing up inside and I just need to vent. It's been 6 weeks since my OH of nearly 16 years confessed to having 3 (at least) ONS's in the past 5 years. She's sorry, so she says, but going about her life pretty much as normal, while I am just utterly dysfunctional, literally struggling to do the mundane but essential daily stuff. Beyond saying who and when I can't get any detail, I'm told it doesn't matter or she can't remember bullshit. It's driving me mad, quite literally circulating through my mind 24/7, is this what happens? Or is it just me? Is it unusual to want to know more? AIBU to think she should share the details?

Original poster

MelBrookesMyHero · 10/07/2025 21:54

Sorry to keep coming back on here, but still no one I can tell or talk to. Not shared it with anyone in person and don't know any other way of getting it off my chest. It's been nearly two months since OH confessed to at least 3 ONS in 5 years. Still she wont discuss it except on her terms, says she can't remember most of the details which is just bullshit. She's carrying on as if it's nothing. I'm bottling it up trying desperately to act normal, not least for the kids but just to seem normal to the outside world. They and she now saying how much we're all looking forward to going on holiday in a few weeks and the things we're going to do as a family, while I'm thinking is it me that's insane, the thought of driving for hours playing happy families but all the while thinking and visualising her shagging a stranger on the backseat of our car as she did.

I'm obsessing 24/7, I managed to work out who two of the three (at least) are (and after I did she admitted it was them), and I'm mortified when I realise I've been at her work and social events with one of them (her colleague), and around the time they were doing it as well and many times since, me sitting there having a drink and chat with this guy on more than one occasion. Now I feel like a total mug for not realising. She says yes she brought him back to our (old) house, but reckons they didn't do it there, just at his place. I struggle to believe that's true, but anyway, does it matter? She brought him back to our house, while I was away with work! And me calling and getting no answer or straight to voicemail and thinking nothing of it other than hoping she was okay. What am I meant to make of that, whether they did it there or not? Am I meant to say "how jolly decent of you dear"?

I don't know how much longer I can keep up the facade for the sake of the kids or otherwise. We're due to go on holiday soon and there is just no way I can face it.

Part of me wants to play the long game, plan ahead and f'ck off the minute the youngest is old enough, 18/21 maybe? But that's a few years away. In the meantime I don't want the kids to feel any hurt at all, by me, OH or towards either of us. They love their Mum quite rightly. So do I (maybe not quite so rightly), but this pain, grief, humiliation, confusion, devastation, when does it end?

So sorry, I know there's worse things in the world, but it doesn't feel like it right now.

OP posts:

Didimum · 10/07/2025 22:00

You need to get over to Surviving Infidelity website. Knowing the details is very often a crucial step to reconciliation. I doubt she’s ’sparing you’. More likely she is saving herself and also rug sweeping. If you are ever, ever to reconcile from this (and statistically it’s unlikely unfortunately) you need 100% integrity and commitment to the process – especially her.

PlainJaneBrain · 10/07/2025 22:03

Didimum · 10/07/2025 22:00

You need to get over to Surviving Infidelity website. Knowing the details is very often a crucial step to reconciliation. I doubt she’s ’sparing you’. More likely she is saving herself and also rug sweeping. If you are ever, ever to reconcile from this (and statistically it’s unlikely unfortunately) you need 100% integrity and commitment to the process – especially her.

Agree with this, knowing is everything, concealing is deceiving and every bit a part of the infidelity. Sadly I learned the hard way.

Jk987 · 10/07/2025 22:18

Devianinc · 28/06/2025 23:53

It sounds a little insane to push off as something that doesn’t matter. That’s a big matter in a marriage. I think I’d leave and never speak to her again, ever.

Never speak again? They have 2 kids together!

Devianinc · 10/07/2025 22:28

Jk987 · 10/07/2025 22:18

Never speak again? They have 2 kids together!

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Go through court order text

MyMilchick · 11/07/2025 11:01

MelBrookesMyHero · 10/07/2025 21:54

Sorry to keep coming back on here, but still no one I can tell or talk to. Not shared it with anyone in person and don't know any other way of getting it off my chest. It's been nearly two months since OH confessed to at least 3 ONS in 5 years. Still she wont discuss it except on her terms, says she can't remember most of the details which is just bullshit. She's carrying on as if it's nothing. I'm bottling it up trying desperately to act normal, not least for the kids but just to seem normal to the outside world. They and she now saying how much we're all looking forward to going on holiday in a few weeks and the things we're going to do as a family, while I'm thinking is it me that's insane, the thought of driving for hours playing happy families but all the while thinking and visualising her shagging a stranger on the backseat of our car as she did.

I'm obsessing 24/7, I managed to work out who two of the three (at least) are (and after I did she admitted it was them), and I'm mortified when I realise I've been at her work and social events with one of them (her colleague), and around the time they were doing it as well and many times since, me sitting there having a drink and chat with this guy on more than one occasion. Now I feel like a total mug for not realising. She says yes she brought him back to our (old) house, but reckons they didn't do it there, just at his place. I struggle to believe that's true, but anyway, does it matter? She brought him back to our house, while I was away with work! And me calling and getting no answer or straight to voicemail and thinking nothing of it other than hoping she was okay. What am I meant to make of that, whether they did it there or not? Am I meant to say "how jolly decent of you dear"?

I don't know how much longer I can keep up the facade for the sake of the kids or otherwise. We're due to go on holiday soon and there is just no way I can face it.

Part of me wants to play the long game, plan ahead and f'ck off the minute the youngest is old enough, 18/21 maybe? But that's a few years away. In the meantime I don't want the kids to feel any hurt at all, by me, OH or towards either of us. They love their Mum quite rightly. So do I (maybe not quite so rightly), but this pain, grief, humiliation, confusion, devastation, when does it end?

So sorry, I know there's worse things in the world, but it doesn't feel like it right now.

OP, the cheating is bad enough but the way she's acting, imo is even worse, making you feel like you're going insane for thinking it's a big deal and carrying on with no remorse or acceptance of what she's done. Honestly I don't see away over this if she won't even take proper responsibility here for her actions. That is no way for you to live.