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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

I need a break from my life

37 replies

catspyjamas1 · 28/06/2025 20:39

I (F) have a month or so weeks between jobs. The last two years has been stressful for me and my notice period (3 months) ends late July.

I received an offer yesterday for a new job. I have told them I can start in Sept. so I can have a few weeks off.

I want to take a few days to myself abroad.

BF (M, 11+ years) and I don't live together. No kids, no shared finances etc.

In the first few years of our relationship, I travelled a bit on my own and it didn't go down well, but I went and he accepted it fine but it did cause upset.

Its been a long time that I have wanted to just be alone in a foreign country by myself.

He is taking this very personally.

I just want a break from my life. I don't want to be at home, I don't want to feed the cat (he'll be looked after), I don't want to think about everyday mundane life like paying my mortgage, bills etc., and I don't want to be around ANYONE I know for a few days. It's not personal (i.e. about him / our relationship!)

I want to checkout, go to a beach, sleep well, get some sun, indulge yoga, and read books. I can afford to do it really well and enjoy my solo time away from my life in the UK.

I'm struggling to understand why this is an issue.

AIBU?

OP posts:
tryingtobesogood · 28/06/2025 20:40

It’s not an issue. He will either get over it or he won’t.

YesButNoButMayybee · 28/06/2025 20:42

As above.

Original poster
catspyjamas1 · 28/06/2025 20:44

Should I worry he won't get over it??

OP posts:
tryingtobesogood · 28/06/2025 20:45

Yes, because it’s a problem he has when you don’t do what he wants.

Is he controlling in other ways.

TomatoSandwiches · 28/06/2025 20:49

catspyjamas1 · 28/06/2025 20:44

Should I worry he won't get over it??

That's HIS problem, you can and should go.
You need to consider if this male is a healthy person for you to be connected to.
He sounds controlling and like he uses emotional blackmail and stonewalling to try and punish you.

Galectable · 28/06/2025 20:50

It's hard dealing with that kind of insecure jealousy and/or feelings of rejection. Your break sounds blissful. You may be an introvert, if that's what you are craving. It sounds like he doesn't understand you very well? You could try to explain in writing. That may get past his feelings of rejection/abandonment which are blocking his brain. Otherwise I'd be making plans to end the relationship.

Newfrownlines · 28/06/2025 20:50

There's a bigger picture here, op. Yadnbu.

But here's a red flag ⛳I know you're 11 years down the line, but it's not okay that he's limiting your freedom in any way

StrawberryCheesecake8 · 28/06/2025 20:51

Is he an extrovert? I lean more towards being an introvert and I can completely understand why you’d want solitude and peace. I have friends who are extroverts and would absolutely hate it and could not fathom this as an ideal trip.

I find being around others quite mentally draining regardless of how close we are/ how much I like them. The only person I never feel like that around is my DH and he feels the same way but equally, we would both understand if the other wanted some alone time. I suspect my more extroverted friends would have the same reaction as your DH if their OH wanted a trip alone.

Original poster
catspyjamas1 · 28/06/2025 20:52

tryingtobesogood this is my second ever Mumsnet post and not clear if I'm replying to you.

No, he's not controlling at all. We live (happily) separately and no interest either side to change that. We're 100% independent apart from the weekly grocery shop I took over to get him eat a bit more healthy ( that he pays every week).

Pls let me know if my reply to you worked?

OP posts:
rockstuckhardplace · 28/06/2025 20:53

With no kids and no shared finances? Heck yes!

If it caused issues before and is causing that same issue again, it could be the start of the end of your relationship though.

TomatoSandwiches · 28/06/2025 20:54

Does he tell you why he doesn't like you going on holiday alone?

BMW6 · 28/06/2025 20:59

What exactly is his problem with it?

Original poster
catspyjamas1 · 28/06/2025 21:08

I'm sorry I can't see if I am replying to posts.

TomatoSandwiches and BMW6 - Trust? And it's "weird"? "If I go to work and say my missus is having a holiday by herself, everyone will think WTF?"

OP posts:
Original poster
catspyjamas1 · 28/06/2025 21:10

rockstuckhardplace
Why do you say that?

OP posts:
Original poster
catspyjamas1 · 28/06/2025 21:13

@BMW6 @TomatoSandwiches 👆 Sorry but how to reply to you isn't clear. Replied above.

OP posts:
Givenupshopping · 28/06/2025 21:15

You don't even live together and he gets a cob on because you want to go away on your own? There's no way I'd put up with that OP. If neither of you want to live together, then why would he think you shouldn't go away alone? It might be different if he was used to you being there at home with him all the time, although it still wouldn't be right, but under these circumstances, I think it's very odd, and I certainly wouldn't be giving in to him. Enjoy your trip and the peace and quiet that it brings you OP!

Original poster
catspyjamas1 · 28/06/2025 21:17

@Newfrownlines There isn't a "bigger picture'". He's my biggest advocate. But this topic of me taking a few days away is a problem that isn't new.

OP posts:
Floatlikeafeather2 · 28/06/2025 21:20

catspyjamas1 · 28/06/2025 21:13

@BMW6 @TomatoSandwiches 👆 Sorry but how to reply to you isn't clear. Replied above.

It's really not difficult to reply to specific people, just use @ and then their user name, just as you have done here. Alternatively use the Quote facility under their post and type your answer in the box. You can then clear the quote if their comment was long or you don't think it's necessary that everyone reads it again.

Original poster
catspyjamas1 · 28/06/2025 21:21

Floatlikeafeather2 Thank you.

OP posts:
AbzMoz · 28/06/2025 21:23

I agree that’s a rather strange reaction from him OP… You have a lovely chunk of free time and should maximise it.

Why does he have to tell anyone at work you’ve gone anywhere? If he feels compelled to - it’s because you have extra days and wanted to see the magicians of narnia and he didn’t want to / couldn’t as he isn’t between jobs.

if he lacks trust, that’s a different issue: I’d be worried he’d sulk during the planning, harass or stonewall during and flare up after, and frankly he has no grounds for those shenanagins at all.

Original poster
catspyjamas1 · 28/06/2025 21:24

Thank you Givenupshopping

OP posts:
Dangermoo · 28/06/2025 21:25

Go for it and don't think twice x

Original poster
catspyjamas1 · 28/06/2025 21:28

Exactly @AbzMoz Boils down to trust apparently. After so many many years, there is ZERO reason to wonder about trust. Like none.

OP posts:
Moveoverdarlin · 28/06/2025 21:30

Your trip sounds bliss. I would say ‘Look I don’t want to get wasted in Ibiza with all the girls. I don’t want to do a Shirley Valentine and meet a Greek god, I just want to read a book in the sun and drink expensive coffee and not have to speak to anyone. I love you more than anyone else in the world, but for the sake of my mental health I just want to recharge. That’s all it is. Recharging for a few days.’

BMW6 · 28/06/2025 21:34

Well if he doesn't trust you after all this time together and knowing you so well I'm sorry to say I think it's time to end it.

It's healthy to spend time apart and certainly the holiday you describe would be really good for YOU.

I would take this very seriously. Please do go on the holiday and have a really good think where this relationship is at.

Out of interest has he ever had affairs? Often those with trust issues are the ones play away. They cheat so assume you might given the chance.

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