I need a break from my life

[catspyjamas1]

I (F) have a month or so weeks between jobs. The last two years has been stressful for me and my notice period (3 months) ends late July.

I received an offer yesterday for a new job. I have told them I can start in Sept. so I can have a few weeks off.

I want to take a few days to myself abroad.

BF (M, 11+ years) and I don't live together. No kids, no shared finances etc.

In the first few years of our relationship, I travelled a bit on my own and it didn't go down well, but I went and he accepted it fine but it did cause upset.

Its been a long time that I have wanted to just be alone in a foreign country by myself.

He is taking this very personally.

I just want a break from my life. I don't want to be at home, I don't want to feed the cat (he'll be looked after), I don't want to think about everyday mundane life like paying my mortgage, bills etc., and I don't want to be around ANYONE I know for a few days. It's not personal (i.e. about him / our relationship!)

I want to checkout, go to a beach, sleep well, get some sun, indulge yoga, and read books. I can afford to do it really well and enjoy my solo time away from my life in the UK.

I'm struggling to understand why this is an issue.

AIBU?

If he can’t get over it, then he’s not the man for you. He should be encouraging you to do this for your mental and physical health.

I don’t know what to say then OP

I am sure he has a lot of lovely qualities but this seems like a very bizarre and unfair reaction to a very normal thing for you to be doing, and would be a red flag / something to seek counselling on(?) in my book. you must be so disappointed and hurt by this OP

He’s the one who’s weird. Why would he feel it necessary to tell his colleagues that you have gone away on your own? And even if he did, after an 11 year relationship in which you still don’t live together or seemingly have any plans to do so, I don’t think your solo holiday is the thing which his colleagues are going to focus on. It’s fine to have these separate lives if that works for both of you but he can’t have his cake and eat it – if you are living separately then he doesn’t get to dictate what you do with all the time that you are not with him. And as for his comment about trust issues – You don’t need to go abroad in order to cheat on him! He either trusts you or not – you’re presumably not going to be overcome with some incredible lust if you spend a couple of days in a sunny climate.

From what I understand he doesn’t dictate or stonewall, etc.
May be, he thinks you are vulnerable as a solo female traveler? Or that it’s something that should be a shared experience. I would be upset if my best friend didn’t want me included in her travelling, as an example… I guess it depends on whether you get a chance to travel together and how often.
Could be the introvert/ extrovert personalities.

I think writing down to explain is a good idea. Keep speaking to each other.

@BMW6 NO affairs. Either side.

@AlohaRose Thank you for articulating my thoughts.

H34th Yes - he's conscious of me traveling alone and in general. I went to Russia and he was worried.
Had a stalker a few years ago travelling to work in London and since he's been "aware" of the female experience. Its not that- he knows I can handle myself coming from South Africa.

So what does he want to do? Go with you? Not go at all? You are quite entitled to head off for some breathing space for a few days.

some people are surprisingly weird about women travelling on their own. But this is their problem, not yours.

Only he can tell you why it's unreasonable to him. Then you can listen to his concerns and make your decision.

But tbh if you need it, can afford, aren't spending all your money on it so you can't afford to do things with him and haven't got a history of cheating im not sure what his answer could be that would impact my choice.

Sounds an amazing trip, I'm very jealous. Enjoy it!

I love travelling and also value my alone time. I’m single which is handy but I wouldn’t be happy if a partner stopped me from going away alone.

@catspyjamas1has your BF never heard of pple going to retreats, yoga holidays or walking (or whatever) holidays solo? Maybe if it were pitched more like this he’d find it less “weird”. Does he know how stretched & near to burnout you feel? (maybe that’s an exaggeration so forgive me). He sounds quite narrow minded & concerned what others think & how you could possibly want to be away from him for any length of time & therefore must be wanting something /someone else. When this is nothing to do with him this is about you & what you need to recharge, reset & completely relax. If he cared about what you’re truly going through emotionally he’d be able to understand & see this as a wellness break. You say he is your biggest advocate usually so is surprising he’s reacting like this - as you both live independently too. Where do his trust issues stem from do you think? You really don’t need to be worrying about all his crap when you just need a break from life. Maybe express again how close to breaking pint you are? Show him some yoga retreats & the itinerary (ie doing nothing). Good luck!

OP your partner should be happy for you that you have this opportunity to get away for a break and recharge your batteries. I wonder if he has taken it the wrong way and when you say you need a break from your life, he thinks you mean you need a break from him? Is he a bit too reliant on you for company? Does he have friends, hobbies etc?