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AIBU?

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Original poster

Friend told ex where I’m now living

29 replies

Imbadwithmakingnames · 28/06/2025 18:08

I left a mentally abusive marriage a few years ago. I’ve restarted my life in a different part of the country and I didn’t want him to know I had moved away.

A friend of mine saw him recently. I know he’s still an alcoholic and has mental health issues. She said she was worried about him and decided it was right to tell him where I was living.

She didn’t inform me of this, I just got a message from him saying she had told him and asking if it was true.

I feel betrayed and I don’t think it was right of her telling him. She’s since wrote a message to me with excuses, not even the word sorry mentioned anywhere. I’m heart broken as I trusted her.

I really don’t know where to go from here. I don’t think I can ever be friends again now.

Am I over reacting?

OP posts:
AcquadiP · 28/06/2025 18:11

What the hell?!

Has she given him your address or just told him you're living in a certain village, town, city or county?

Pedallleur · 28/06/2025 18:13

No friend of yours then is she? Just block them both. Tell her nothing.

Hedgingmybetching · 28/06/2025 18:13

No that's totally unacceptable! How much does your ex know? Your actual address or just the town?

So sorry your friend did this! What on Earth was she thinking?!

AcquadiP · 28/06/2025 18:15

And no you're not overreacting. If she was worried about him, she could have just contacted you to let you know and then you could decide what, if anything, to do about it. She's not a friend, OP. I wouldn't trust her ever again.

outerspacepotato · 28/06/2025 18:15

She's no friend.

I'd rip her a new one and block. She just made your life a lot harder trying to play whatever game she's playing.

TruthOrAlethiometer · 28/06/2025 18:17

I’d be asking her to explain, in detail, what was “right” about it.
What is right about telling an abuser where his victim lives? What does she think he is going to do with that information, other than use it to hurt you… is that what she thinks is right?

End the friendship. How can he still message you? Block him on everything. No contact.

EveryOtherNameTaken · 28/06/2025 18:34

That is awful. How could she think that was acceptable.

I would be fuming with her stupidity. She's totally broken your trust because she was worried about him. Is she now worried about you? Evidently not enough as she hasn't apologised.

Block her.

Snorlaxo · 28/06/2025 18:36

She is not a friend.

Did she name a specific or general place? Eg she lives in London is not as bad as she lives in Chiswick by the big Sainsbury’s.

allthemiddlechildrenoftheworld · 28/06/2025 18:37

@Imbadwithmakingnames well that is one person off your christmas card list!!! honestly, what the hell was she thinking of???

DelphiniumBlue · 28/06/2025 18:42

First of all, tell him it's not true, and that in any event you are moving next week to Scotland/Cornwall /whatever.
I guess it's one thing if she said you've moved to London, and quite another if she's specified the village of Piddlington 2 miles north of Deal.
Did she know that you were keeping your whereabouts a secret from him, that the reason you left was because he was abusive? If she had any inkling, I'd not want to speak to her again, you wouldn't be able to trust her with anything. Who knows, she might tell him that your'e meeting in the Red Lion at 7pm on Wednesday week, and he could turn up!

purplecorkheart · 28/06/2025 18:49

She is not a friend. I would tell her that what she has done has ended your friendship and would block them both. Hopefully your ex just sent you a text/email rather than a letter.

I would be furious with her.

BMW6 · 28/06/2025 18:49

Christ Almighty I'd be letting rip at her and ending the "friendship" - what an awful AWFUL thing to do.

Block them both. Unforgivable.

CaptainFuture · 28/06/2025 18:53

Why on earth would she tell him?! How this be anything but harmful to you!!.

Profhilodisaster · 28/06/2025 18:53

She's never been your friend, how on earth would him knowing where you live help him in any way shape or form? She's talking bollocks , I wonder what the real reason for her betrayal was.
I sincerely hope she didn't give the exact address.

Sunshineandgrapefruit · 28/06/2025 18:54

Block them both and don't respond to either. Tell her he was abusive and has put you at risk by breaking your trust first though.

RockyRogue1001 · 28/06/2025 18:56

Are you safe?

longtompot · 28/06/2025 19:03

Unforgivable. I hope you are safe op

LittleOwl153 · 28/06/2025 19:08

I would respond to her with
"I trusted you as a friend. You broke that trust and put me in danger."
Then i would block her.

Hope you are safe OP and she only gave him a town name. Block him too without responding. Let him think you have changed your number.

Igmum · 28/06/2025 19:09

WTF was she playing at? How could anyone think this was even remotely acceptable for as much as a nanosecond?

(And, as an aside, I’ve never seen a 100% YANU before.)

Hope you are safe @Imbadwithmakingnames

Createausername1970 · 28/06/2025 19:10

You are not being unreasonable. I would respond to her message and say that she has irretrievably broken your trust in her and you don't feel you can safely continue the friendship any further as there is no way she can undo the damage she has caused by her inconsiderate and dangerous choices. She chose to put concern for your ex over her concern for your long term wellbeing.

CanOfMangoTango · 28/06/2025 19:12

Christ with friends like that who needs enemies

Yanbu. I hope you're going to be OK OP, the hurt and shock must be awful.

AcquadiP · 28/06/2025 19:12

Assuming she hasn't given him your address, you have a chance to put him off the scent. Reply that yes, you did move to place-where-you-now-live but didn't like it there - 'it was full of druggies' - so X weeks/months ago, you moved to another (undisclosed) place. Your 'friend' doesn't know you have moved again because someone had told you that she wasn't acting like a true friend to you, she had been backstabbing you and this information had made you suspicious of telling her. Then wish him well. Once you've done that, block both of them.

DorothyStorm · 28/06/2025 19:13

I agree with a pp completely.
Block him. Do not engage with him at all.
Tell her that her actions were inexcusable and unforgivable.

do either of them have your full address?

Sassybooklover · 28/06/2025 19:24

Your friend's reasoning for telling your abusive ex where you are now living, is utter bollocks. Why does him knowing where you live help his well-being?! It doesn't. If she was genuinely concerned, then she could have told you that herself, without giving him any information regarding you at all. I don't know why she told him, because there's no logical explanation. Unfortunately, she's shown you her true colours, she's not your friend. You now need to block her, and whilst you're at it, block your ex. I'm assuming your friend knows your address? What information did she give your ex - the county, town or an actual address? It makes no difference, which it is, because she shouldn't have told him. Sadly, even if she told you, she told him only the county, could you honestly believe her? Not sure I would. Going forward to you feel safe where you are living or does this mean you may need to potentially move again?

2024onwardsandup · 28/06/2025 19:27

I would lose my shit and tell
her and then never speak to her again