To think some people marry for social proof more than love?

[OneWorthyGoose]

It’s less “I found my person” and more “look, I’m not alone.”

Of course. People marry for all sorts of reasons.

Yes also have children

Agree 90% of people I know family and friends did this. Becuase it is what is keant to happen. They are all miserable in their relationships constantly fifhting, on and off, divorce threats. Some even 15 years of a misery of a marriage some from day one. All becuase that was meant to be done. You find someone and get married.
I was the outcast and remaind single until my mid 30s when I met someone worth soending life with. I wasnt fussed if I got married or not. Wanted to but not rushing to marry Mr wrong.

Not sure what you’re basing this theory on. My own experience is I met dh and fell in love, couldn’t imagine being with anyone else. 20 years on he’s still the one I want to grow old with.

Is this today's AI discussion?

Nope, real reflection not AI!

Why should other people's motivation for marriage concern you at all?

I married for love - but out of my 10 closest friends, a couple are clearly not really in love and never have been.

I think the women in those couples wanted kids and were still single in their mid 30s, picked an ok man with a decent job and are now married with kids with him. Not sure if "social proof" was the reason, but they definitely wanted kids and to be part of a couple with a certain lifestyle.

The vast majority though (8/10 of my closest friends) married because they really loved the person.

I’m not judging individuals, more reflecting on the broader social dynamics around marriage. I think a lot of us notice that sometimes it’s not just about love but also about validation or optics. It’s not about policing choices, just noticing patterns.

Marriage was never about love, though. The purpose of marriage was never about love.

I suppose some marry for money, some for security, some because they don’t want to be alone and some, hopefully many, for love.

Most of the people I know married because they wanted to be with the person.

I can think of one couple whose reasons for being together I might wonder about.

I think it does happen. It's the next step on from being the 'pick me' girl for some.

Someone I know recently got married later in life after having struggled greatly to find someone and hold down a relationship all her life and was naturally over the moon to finally meet her person. Her behavior on SM from the moment he proposed to their wedding day though really smacked of proving that she was enough and loveable (as well as excitement).

I married for love and had a child for the same reason but I have never felt so suddenly accepted by society for these choices

Yes absolutely. My mum married a convicted paedophile. He actually got his court records out to show her on their first f-ing date. What a bloody prize amongst men! Both of them have no children or grandchildren between them who haven’t gone NC.

But she is very smug about having a husband (and his pension and investments) and not being alone like many of her friends. Friends who are out there living their best lives, travelling, spending time with their families, etc. It gave her the validation she’d always craved, even though she lost everything else.

I know quite a few friends who really should get divorced, but it wouldn’t look good, so they hang in there with these absolute wasters.

People marry for all sorts of reasons. Nothing new here.

No, I don’t think people want to show they’re not alone, I think they actually dong want be be alone. Having a supportive, loving partner who you laugh with and have great sex with is brilliant.

I thought this too. What does it even mean?

Wait with the what what what the fooooook>

Of course you’re right OP. But is it a new or shocking revelation? And, is it really so bad? Most of what we think, do and believe is a result of being social animals. Our shared culture is important to us. Almost everything we are as individuals comes from the world around us. This does not make us sheep but is just a reflection of how we operate. We want to, and need to, belong.

Also, romantic love is totally socially constructed. It’s not a magical thing out there separate from social habits. It’s a very conventional thing with socially prescribed rules just as much as marriage.

This. Linking marriage to romantic love rather than alliances and inheritance is pretty new and also pretty culture-specific.

The vast majority of these “To think…” posts are about things nobody else on the planet gives a half-baked toss about.
As for this one - who cares? Who even has head space for such ennui-inducing mixed up thought?

romantic love is totally socially constructed.

@ARainyNightInSoho could you explain what you mean by this?

This. ^

I definitely think some people marry for the status, yes. I've had so many comments from some of my relatives about how sad it is that ive never found someone who wants to marry me, and so on. Some making it quite obvious im seen as lesser than them and their marriages. And yet, they seem so fucking miserable.

It's a forum for open discussion, she can discuss whatever the fuck she likes. Hit a nerve?