Am I a psychopath or do other people have this feeling?

[Ju11r]

I consider myself a pretty average person. I have friends and a stable family, I work hard. But I have these odd feelings sometimes and I just can’t admit them in real life!

I often think of something bad happening to someone I know and not exactly hoping it happens but being curious about it if did. I don’t even want to say these sorts of things I’m thinking of, nothing death related but more like a crisis, someone getting divorced or losing a job. Things like that. Like a curiously about it unfolding. What is wrong with me?! I don’t wish these things happen but I know on some level my first feeling would be one of interest rather than concern. What is wrong with me?!

They’re intrusive thoughts and I think everyone has had them at some point. I always have this massive weird urge to put my phone on to the edge of the bath to see what would happen (eg whether it would fall in or stay put) and it drives me mad! 🤦🏼‍♀️

Yes I do, I think you have articulated it really well. I’m hoping others say it is normal 🤣

Yep, agree it's intrusive thoughts. Some of mine are awful and 100% not what I would actually want to happen. I just let them come and go now and don't worry about it.

I was wondering if it was boredom. Thinking about how an event would force a shake up...

I don’t have those particular thoughts, but have plenty others which make me think ‘am I normal/ awful?’, so I wouldn’t worry about it.

My intrusive thoughts are often centered around "what would happen to all the family DC if x,y or z happened". Its always absolutely awful.

Yep sounds normal to me, in that I have thoughts like these too. Intrusive and annoying! I have thoughts about people dying or having some terrible accident (including myself) and how life would change afterwards. Equally, thoughts about positive things like amazing jobs and salaries and huge lottery wins. Weird!

This is it. I used to get them horribly and then I’d be worried that I was wishing the terrible thing WOULD happen and then I’d worry that by wishing for it I would make it happen. Now I try to just watch them come and go

I sometimes think it’s a way for the brain to process things. For example, if you have an elderly relative - it’s common to have thoughts regarding them passing away. Psychologically the brain is preparing for the event. That’s what I’ve always been taught anyway (just under 10 years studying psychology).

but I know on some level my first feeling would be one of interest rather than concern

I think that is really odd. It suggests a real detachment from people who should be close to you.

Perhaps you are a frustrated novelist:)

Never be ashamed of having curiosity and an imagination

Intrusive thoughts - they are normal.

I have this it can be about something happening to someone I know or to myself. It feels quite nice maybe comforting to do even though sometimes it’s horrible things I’m thinking of. I even use to use it as a way to get to sleep! But I know now through therapy that long term it’s not good for me so I try not to indulge it.

I've had some bizarre ones too. I'm a very practical person and often have planned what I'd do if DH died or DS was incapacitated or the house burned down, or some other awful event. They usually aren't emotional thoughts but more like who would pay for the funeral or would it be best to convert the sitting room to a bedroom, I know that all sounds ridiculous. I think there is an element of boredom and wanting drama in your life but not the reality of it. Possibly watching too much TV drama too.

I'm sure there is a passage in Homage to Catalonia where Orwell describes being in the trenches, watching enemy aircraft and sort of wanting these aircraft to hit their target (i.e. to hit planes or soldiers fighting on Orwell's own side).

I think he attributes this desire to boredom, or the combination of boredom, stress and fear. Something like that.

It is the only bit of Homage to Catalonia that I remember. And I think that is because when I read it (aged about 20), I really had a moment of recognition. I realised that I too had this sort of perverse curiosity, as a response to boredom and other bad feelings I suppose. I had never admitted it to myself, but seeing it admitted to in that sort of distant, abstract, literary context made it possible for me to own up to myself.

yes I was going to say that. I worry about dying in my sleep some nights, that’s an intrusive thought. I think what op is few robots something which would be a break from the monotony if that’s what she’s feeling. A bit of “excitement”. It can also be a thing from childhood if one grew up in chaos then calm can feel wring and stifling .

Look up the Tahoma Normal Intrusions scale - they asked apprx 300 college students to track intrusions over a day and it gives types and percentages of people who had them. Every one has intrusive thoughts (weird/bizarre/upsetting) every day - the fact it is happening to you is completely normal. Most of the time they come and go too quickly for us to think much about them, or we are able to shrug them off. But sometimes one will catch us, latch on to some doubt, and it starts to feel like it says something about us that we have this kind of thought. Your brain is wired to make connections and work things out - and sometimes those things will be unpleasant or upsetting but it does not mean we want them to actually happen.

Look up the number of new parents who have thoughts about harming their infants - what if I drop them, etc etc. Its not talked about because people are often horrified and ashamed of having the thought in the first place. But you cant help it, its your brain trying stuff out. Or sometimes randomly putting things together.

Dont worry, you are not a psychopath. If you were, you would not be bothered about this.

God auto correct went mad I meant I think what op wants is something/anything to break the monotony.

I've certainly experienced that - it's a feeling like waiting for the other shoe to drop. I guess it's partly that it's less complex - not easier, just less complex - to deal with something that has actually happened, however terrible, than to think through all the possible variables of an unknown terrible event.

Yes, I do too. I've learnt that they are "intrusive thoughts". I sometimes wish the very opposite of what I would want to happen in real life. It's horrifying. I can't relate to the "curiosity" bit of your comment though OP. If the awful thing really did happen, I'd be mortified and quite frankly terrified that I may have somehow influenced it.

Agree they are intrusive thoughts, I have similar.

My phone falls in the bath at least once a month! You'd think I'd learn not to put it on the edge of the bath, but nope!

Was it Bridget Jones who fantasised about someone dying and how exciting it would be to be the one telling everyone and organising everything. I read it many years ago and it made me laugh because it captured exactly the type of ridiculous thoughts I'd had too. Its like when someone is murdered and the media interview local random people who tell us how awful it is, but you can see they are having the time of their lives!!

I think this stuff all the time. I think it's completely normal.

Yes, people have these thoughts. It’s really weird when they actually happen though.

My SIL was awful to me. I imagined her divorce and having to sell her beautiful house. She lost her job too (I didn’t imagine that).

Even though she’s lost everything she is really happy now. She has a new house that she doesn’t have to share with her husband, she has a new job and she’s sleeping with someone new. She’s basically got a fresh start and now I envy her for that.

There’s no point in wishing ill on other people. It’s just wasting energy.

A former friend who screwed me over lost her father to cancer and was herself in an horrific accident not long after and died at the scene.

A former colleague who sabotaged my career was under investigation over something very serious she absolutely did (after I left) and had to leave her job. With all the drama she missed the opportunity to ever have children.

Horrible things happen to people all the time. There’s no point wishing bad thoughts on other people because life can be brutal.

Also, you’re not a psychopath. Psychopaths don’t sit around thinking they might be psychopaths.

This is completely normal. Even my 11 year old has them! It's your brains way of rehearsing and preparing for potential scenarios. Very healthy in moderation I'd say.