Am I a psychopath or do other people have this feeling?

[Ju11r]

I consider myself a pretty average person. I have friends and a stable family, I work hard. But I have these odd feelings sometimes and I just can’t admit them in real life!

I often think of something bad happening to someone I know and not exactly hoping it happens but being curious about it if did. I don’t even want to say these sorts of things I’m thinking of, nothing death related but more like a crisis, someone getting divorced or losing a job. Things like that. Like a curiously about it unfolding. What is wrong with me?! I don’t wish these things happen but I know on some level my first feeling would be one of interest rather than concern. What is wrong with me?!

Given today I happily indulged the thought of my psycho neighbours meeting an untimely death, I'd say it's pretty normal.

This.

I don’t think these are intrusive thoughts, OP - those are, by their nature, completely the opposite to what you would want to happen, and therefore really distressing. I think what you’re describing is more the natural human urge for a bit of drama, particularly when we can imagine ourselves coping admirably with it. Exploring ‘what if?’ scenarios like this is a safe way to indulge that desire, without anyone else having to be hurt.

It’s normal. I sometimes imagined pushing strangers off the train platform and felt horrified at my thoughts! Or dropping my children out of the bedroom window or down the stairs when they were babies.

Also read about the Call of the Void, when you briefly imagine jumping off a tall building or driving off a flyover.

I remember being in a restaurant with my parents while I was quite young (5-7 ish), watching the waiting staff bustling around and picturing what might happen if one of them fell over/crashed into someone else/dropped something

I would say intrusive thoughts are more things you actually would hate to happen. Things that scare you or horrify you and that’s why they are intrusive, they feel awful.

The interest as a reaction is a different thing I think, although I am sure you are fine really!

I often have thoughts while driving about how easy it would be to just turn the steering wheel and crash into a a tree or the central barrier. No idea why as I’ve absolutely no desire to do it but it always crosses my mind

I dunno. I think it's normal, and neither healthy nor unhealthy, but it's not remotely useful. Because the actual scenarios that end up flooring us happen differently from what we imagine or - more likely - happen out of the blue.

Most non-imminent scenarios I've spent time and energy worrying over, playing with and hashing through in my head either never happened or turned up in vastly different circumstances than I could have predicted. The big one-off events that sent the furthest-reaching ripples, almost all arrived like a comet hitting a mute, uncomprehending neolithic being (me).

We are forever surrounded by chaos and destruction and death. Most of us, if lucky, are deep enough in our groove that although it surrounds us it only touches us a handful of times. But it's always there. And we can't control it, certainly not with mere thoughts and plans. We just tell ourselves that we can.

This makes sense. I get it sometimes

I actually prefer the ridiculous obvious intrusive thoughts because I know they are not real.
It's the thoughts that are so close to being real or my usual thoughts that are difficult to recognise as intrusive thoughts.

At least if my brain is saying I should sit in the middle of the road because my young dcs don't need me, I know that's not actually true, but when it's "no one likes you, stay in bed", well, I dunno, could be true 😅

It’s the waiting for something to happen that’s worse. If you imagine it happening and what the aftermath would be like it’s an illusion of control.

No, I don't think it would be "interesting" to watch people's lives fall apart and it's not something I think about.

I'm forever joking with my son not to put things out to the universe because he has intrusive thoughts, but I think it's pretty common, and honestly, most people have them. 😂

My intrusive thoughts tend to be around doing something horribly inappropriate like deciding to strip in the middle of the office or shout something during a quiet part of a concert…

Yes they're just normal intrusive thoughts and the curiosity is also normal, I spent years working in MH and unless these thoughts disable you and take away your focus in every day life they're just average functions of your brain

I have intrusive thoughts that can be pretty frightening or disturbing. I now realise straight away that it's anxiety-driven, I need to ground myself and distract myself and then it's soon forgotten. Not sure if that's exactly what you mean OP but I'm sure it's all pretty normal.

I like the theory that it's the brains way of practicing or preparing. I spent the most awful night in hospital in a foreign country with my son when he was little and for a brief time genuinely didn't know if he would survive. I was so distraught I can't even articulate, but after a day of extreme stress and a long night my exhausted brain tried to convince myself that if he died or was brain damaged, I would cope, somehow. I thought about the logistics of flying him home to a hospital, but also worked out how dh and I would manage the other kids if I had to stay there for a few weeks. I thought of where the nearest rehab centre would be and how I'd manage to become his full time carer. I went through our finances and considered whether id leave work or take a sabbatical. I also decided the details of his funeral, what he would wear what song we would play, which teddy bear would be buried with him. I was very very ashamed afterwards (when he was perfectly fine!) that I had fantasised about his death but looking back now I see i was desperately trying to control the tiny things I could, and trying to do some prep work in case I was in that awful position to have to make decisions.

Totally normal. Can go into hyperdrive postpartum/post kids. It’s evolutionary and helps you avoid these situations happening (or prepare if they do).

I'm not sure.

Intrusive thoughts are very normal, but why do you think that your first feeling if such a thing did really happen would be one of interest rather than concern? Have you ever had a similar reaction to a real life situation?

I don't have this in terms of bad things happening to other people but I have read a lot about maladaptive daydreaming because I always (throughout my whole life, as far back as I can remember) have a narrative in my head that is totally unrelated to my real life. However, it's (good and bad) things happening to me. Things like imagining going on something like the Titan sub and being stuck on the seabed. Or winning the lottery. Or living alone on an island. Or renovating a house. And on and on.

I had a feeling someone was going to die, told this to my mum, the following week she died!