To think if you had this sum of money you’d be pretty relaxed about finances? Or am I out of touch?!

[Uuaner]

75k in savings and 150k mortgage on a 600k valued home.

if I was in this position with no debt I wouldn’t be anxious about so many things like temporarily losing employment, having a boiler breakdown, needing a new car… all sorts of financial stress would evaporate.

would you feel the same?

context is my best friend is in this position (inheritance) and is so so money conscious and always panicking about the next thing that may go wrong… even though she clearly has the money if needed?! Am I missing something?

She might have grown up in poverty.

Well the 500k inheritance came from somewhere!

So her net position is a negative £75k in debt.

You must surely understand that money is about much more than numbers.

I was brought up poor as a child, had a really tough time when I had children in the early days, but am now what you would consider ‘wealthy’ ( no inheritance, long years of us both working and investing well).

But I still watch every penny, have a budget for my food shopping, love a bargain, shop (good brands) on Vinted and charity shops, use coupons and loyalty cards, shop around for every renewal. I cannot throw off the idea that items have an intrinsic value and I won’t pay £100 for a dress or a pair of shoes.

I an and do splurge on the kids,grandkids, holidays and live a happy life. But I cannot throw off those early years and know money doesn’t grow on trees. It’s mad but it’s part of who I am. It’s the same for your friend.

It's not strange. It depends on the circumstances and past experience. I'm lycky enough to be in a relatively comfortable position these days, but I haven't always been. There was a time when I told people I felt more comfortable wearing flipflops, even in winter, when the truth was I couldn't afford shoes. Hardship leaves scars that never fully heal.

One piece of advice, don’t discuss money with friends. It was unfair of her to do this as now you feel very unsettled. She is in a very comfortable position, but life can suddenly change. Concentrate on being happy in your world and work on those savings.

I don’t think you should judge. My dad grew up very poor, but got a good job and is now pretty wealthy, but he’s so uncomfortable spending money because he was so used to not having it. He’s 80, so don’t see him changing now!

Yes I think at 38 that’s a nice amount of money to have and yes she should feel relaxed.

I am exactly the same. I grew up relatively poor with a parent from even worse poverty.
I earn a decent salary, have savings and no mortgage left thanks to inheritance, but I honestly feel my approach is so much worse now than when I didn’t have any of these things. I’m almost scared to spend any of my savings, so if I need to buy something I panic and find every way I can to avoid using my savings. I’ve had therapy to help me with it but I’m still struggling to get a handle on it. I recognise the privileged position I’m in but it has honestly fucked my mental health so much.

One person’s secrecy is another’s privacy.

at 38 she's doing well to have that much equity in property and a fair chunk of savings but how much it is really depends on lifestyle. The general advice is to have 3-6 months of savings in case of job loss but really in the current job market it's taking many people a lot longer than that to find roles and if you've got to keep a household running on a single income you really need more contingency in the pot. Also, some people get far lower pension contributions for their employer than others - as much as the public sector moan about their salaries I suspect they'll be a lot better off in retirement than many of us in the private sector!

It’s obviously a lot better than not having it, and yes it removes the daily strain of making ends meet.

Trouble is after 6 years of some kind of involvement with elderly family members, £75k = 7 months of care home fees/live in care to me now. Average time for the small number who have to go into homes to be there is two years, and my family is ludicrously long lived so tend to be there for 5 years plus.

When will people learn not to share personal and financial matters with so-called 'friends' rather than true friends? Doing so only invites negative judgments and negative assumptions.

It’s just the way some people are. DH has a lot of savings - around 140k. We owe 60k on the mortgage and have a solid income. He still gets stressy about money. We went on holiday and had to pay £100 for parking while we were away. I think he was genuinely thinking about walking the 40 miles to save money and when I said we had to pay insurance too I think it was just too much for him! Whereas if I see money, I’ll happily spend it. That’s why we keep most finances separate… he definitely wouldn’t have any savings if I was involved 🤣🤣🤣

Her attitude is probably what got her into the reasonable position she is in in the first place, though.

Sounds like she's very sensible with money and that is probably why she has savings.

She's not in a bad position at all, but she's not exactly set for life either. It's reasonable to still have certain anxieties around money. You never know what's around the corner.

£75k isn't loads if you lose your job though, depending on your financial commitments, usual income etc. You can't spend a house, still need to pay the mortgage and council tax.

Also, it's being money conscious that has helped her to get into this position to some extent.

I have way more, but am still careful where I don't think things are good value. I don't like spending a lot on workaday stuff, like weekly groceries or insurance. But I'll drop £200 per head on a posh meal out, or opera tickets, or a gig in Greece and treat a friend too.

Some people never really feel "safe" financially however much they've got.

My Mum always fretted about having "rainy day" kitty but however much she had it was never a "rainy day" - need new cooker/fridge/washer? Ooh no, too expensive.

She was born in 1930 so had the WW2 Make Do and Mend mindset, and the post war years were tough for everyone.

When she died and we cleared out her flat she still had loads of odd mis matched plates and towels etc. Thousands in the bank. Very sad.

Edited to add - I'm fairly obsessive about my budget spreadsheet (has to be correct to the penny with bank balance) and am Swedish Death Cleaning now as I realised I've inherited her traits to some extent!

I don't think it's that much, but then I'm a saver and have always had savings and investments. If you're not building them whilst young, what do you do about retiring.

Anxiety is often not rational. That's your category error.

also equity is mainly irrelevant if you can't make your mortgage payment

I don’t think I’d be too stressed about needing a new car or my boiler breaking down, but I would still worry about unemployment.

Your friend is absolutely right—she must prioritize both her future and the well-being of those she cares about. Continuing to save and build wealth is essential.

If I could offer her one key piece of advice, it would be this: be extremely cautious about who she shares her personal and financial information with.

I think background can have such an impact too. I struggle to believe that I would ever not worry about money, even if I had millions in the bank. That is because of how guilty my parents made me feel about my spending money when I was young.

I'd be so pissed off of my 'friend' came onto a public chat forum to speculate about my financial situation and attitude to money with a load of randomers off of the internet.

So I'm mortgage-free in a house worth a comparable amount (because I bought a wreck of a repossessed flat in London in 2009 for less than £200,000 that had more than doubled in value by the end of Covid, and I'd put every spare penny into paying off the mortgage, sold it and bought a genuine wreck of a house outside London which I've added about 40% to on the basis it now has windows, a kitchen, bathrooms, a staircase etc. - a lot of which DH and I have done ourselves) and I've about £100,000 in savings, which is inheritance. But, I work in a creative industry, freelance, so only earn about £35,000 a year, DH similar, we've got no pensions, no more inheritance to come, and two children to get through university. So I worry, a lot. Oh, and I'm 45.

PP: "It's all about a person attitude to finance, not their actual financial position"

This is me, retired on a small pension, house paid off, and a £600k in investments. I worry about money all the time, and resent every unnecessary expense. Relatives from abroad are visiting this summer (not staying with me), and all I can think of is "how much is it going to cost me". Maybe I'm just a miser.