To think if you had this sum of money you’d be pretty relaxed about finances? Or am I out of touch?!

[Uuaner]

75k in savings and 150k mortgage on a 600k valued home.

if I was in this position with no debt I wouldn’t be anxious about so many things like temporarily losing employment, having a boiler breakdown, needing a new car… all sorts of financial stress would evaporate.

would you feel the same?

context is my best friend is in this position (inheritance) and is so so money conscious and always panicking about the next thing that may go wrong… even though she clearly has the money if needed?! Am I missing something?

I have 75K in savings (not inherited - every penny saved) and I don’t feel secure. I’m a single parent and there is only one income. My DD relies on me. Yes, I’d be okay if I lost my job, yes if the boiler breaks I’d be ok but when you’re the sole earner and there’s no food, clothes, holidays etc without your money it’s hard to feel secure. That 75K could go in weeks, a new roof needed, a new car needed, a job loss etc
I can’t relax about money knowing that there’s only me to earn and save it.

On the face of it it does sound like your friend is in a good financial position. However everyone's attitude to money is different - and as we're told in the TV advert our attitude to money springs from when were are aged about 7 years.

Your friend may have grown up having to be very careful with money or not having any spare money at all. IN which case she's probably always going to be careful spending.

I feel sorry for her - having her friends use her situation for click bait on MN TBH.

Different people have different attitudes to money and there is no "right" or "wrong".

I took early retirement (57), am receiving a reasonable private pension, lovely house, no mortgage and decent savings (several times what your friend has) but don't consider myself "well off". I still look around the supermarket to see what the offers are etc but know that if (for instance) we need to buy a new car, we can fund it ok.
My (younger) OH could easily stop working and draw a pension but likes to work a couple of days a week just to "keep something coming in and putting something by".

I think your friend who has a (not insignificant) mortgage to pay and several years left to work is wise to keep a grip on her finances.

she didn’t tell you her income?

I don’t get people who share their financial information. Why do they do it?

It depends on many things. I am mortgage free and have more savings that her and slightly younger than her with 3 kids. I still would be worried about losing my Job etc as savings would still be blown through pretty quickly.

Yes I would be relaxed, is she a panicker in general? If I had 75k savings that would be like a lottery win to me

Is she married? I’ve always been nervy about money because I know it’s just me bringing money in, so my safety net never seems big enough. My parents, brother and best friends don’t understand it- but if they lose their jobs or become ill tomorrow there is still some money coming into the household. It can be really hard facing these things alone- both emotionally and practically

Think it's only a British thing to do. Not known so much secrecy elsewhere in the world

Should say on,y a British thing not to

Probably why she’s on this position. I frittered away money and never thought of tomorrow. At 50, I can’t outrun my poor choices. Hey ho

That's quite a comfortable position to be in, yes. But is she naturally a worrier?

I have always worried about money. I think it's partly innate and partly because my parents were quite joyless and thought spending money on anything "frivolous" was akin to something sinful. When I went to uni I wasn't eligible for a grant. My parents did give me an equivalent allowance but would go through my statements and berate me for any "fun" spends, however small.

I now earn 6 figures, no mortgage, no car finance, comfortable pension and savings and I still get agitated about whether if I spend x it will leave enough savings in case of y. I have become more relaxed but it never really leaves you. There's always something niggling. Have I got enough in my pension if I need to retire early? Well I be able to help the kids pay off student loans? Or have a house deposit? How much would be enough?

I know i sound like a right privileged cow but it's a mindset that is very hard to shift.

Gosh, she is privileged.
At 38,I was living on an overdraft which I cleared a few years ago with early lump sum pension.
I'll never have 75 "k savings, ever.
And I'm OK with that. Some people are mega careful about money to the point where they become obsessed.
I talk as someone who has experienced real poverty.
It's a lovely feeling that that part of my life is over

Agree, it’s an anxiety like any other and i always try and avoid judgment with friends as….that’s not friendship. I have a similar friend @Uuaner and I know it feels real to her.

Some people just worry unnecessarily, OP.

If she’s that worried about big expenses, she should save for them.

Home insurance? You know when it’s due and should have an inkling about how much it will be next year, so put aside some money each month to cover the bill.

Appliances? Same thing - but aim to save for a new one in 5 years Etc.

If she does that for everything she needs to pay for ( new car, boiler, freezer) the sum she’ll have for emergencies will grow like Topsy, and not everything will fail in the time she has assumed it will, so she’ll have a really nice emergency fund to dip into quite quickly!

But they are all very generous things to do that are not your own expenses and you ultimately have a choice about

and also you must be preventing your mothers property from being sold in order to be subsidising care…unless it’s a top up if such a thing exists

@Uuaner I would be stressed too. And I’m only slightly older than her (I’m 41). It depends of her aspirations and if she has kids. I have 3 kids close in age (12,10 and 9) all in private school and then I assume they will want to go to uni so you need to consider all of that. It doesn’t look like the cost of living is getting any better any time soon so really you have to be savvy with your money. It really is dependent on what people want. It’s not wrong or right

€600k is not very much,

I'd love it at the age!

Just because she has a small mortgage doesn’t mean the repayments aren’t high, and if she’s not earning she’s likely paying out a grand a month minimum on that.

I have a smaller mortgage than that and a decent amount of equity in my house. I don’t have that level of savings though, but my mortgage repayments are high and I’m not in a position to move mortgages due to being unable to get a new life insurance due to my health.

And house prices in my area have risen astronomically and they’re not selling, so selling up isn’t an option for me if I lose my job.

A new boiler would cost her about £10k minimum. Having to pay mortgage/bills probably about £2k a month. So there goes half those savings in a year alone. Not going to get her far is it?

You're missing that she has 150 k of debt linked to her home. You don't say what her income and outgoings are so she may be right to be cautious.

You're missing that she has 150 k of debt linked to her home.

Most 38 yr olds would love such a low mortgage!

I have more savings and a smaller mortgage (although a lot less equity too) but I'm not relaxed about money as my income is insecure.

Sometimes big gifts of money feel untouchable, not yours. For bigger things. So that may be why your friend is still budgetting because she doesn't include that money in her mind or calculations. I am the same.

She might have grown up in poverty. I’m like that. Not quite as well off but at the back of mind is fear of housing issues, living in a hostel, struggling to pay rent and working all the hours god sends. It makes you continuously save, even when things are pretty ok.

I have a friend who has two rental properties worth well over a million which get her about £3k a month, plus a great job that pays about £35k part time, a partner who earns over £80k and they live at his place paying £600 p/m between them. She drives a very old car that's quite literally falling apart, the house they live in is tiny and nothing really works and, in the nicest possible way, she's really pretty tight. She's one of the most money anxious people I know. But she grew up wealthy and her parents squandered lost it all and ended up in a rather dismal council flat, and she says she's absolutely terrified of that happening to her.