Apologies if any of this sounds familiar, but I am at the end of my tether with my dad.
Backstory: My mum died when I was a teen. He started going out with someone else within a week, and they stayed together for 35 years. During this time, whilst I stayed in contact with my dad, and we had a relationship, he spent all his time with her and her family. I spent 1 Christmas with my dad in 35 years, and he went on holiday with her and her family all the time.
In the early years I went to Uni, and I never went back. I met my DH and travelled the world together, even living in Australia for a big chunk. He didn't care, in fact I got the impression it took the pressure off him, he seemed relieved. I once was at his house when his partners DGC where there and they asked who I and my DC where and then preceded to get cross when they realised my DC where his DGC. I have lots of stories like this.
Anyway, I just got on with my own life which sometimes has been a struggle with no mum and dad to support me. I have a lovely life with DH and DC.
We moved back to the UK and I hadn't even unpacked when my dads partner (I'll call her Step Mum SM) was on the phone to me telling me it was my responsibility to come look after my dad as he had the flu. I live 250 miles away,
Anyway to the issue. He is now on his own as she has passed away. He is an absolute nightmare. He is telling anyone who will listen that he is on his own, no one comes to see him, he doesn't speak to anyone for days and days. This is not true as he has 3 DSC running round after him, a load of friends and my other siblings and their adult families helping him out. I just had an argument with him as he slagged off my brother saying he didn't do anything for him, despite my DB being there 3 times last week. He has already been through a couple of girlfriends since his partner died and is on a downer as the latest ones are "grey and don't look young and have wrinkles". He's late 80's FFS.
Even though I live a fair crack away, I invite him here all the time, as does one of my other siblings. He told everyone he was going to be alone at Christmas and as a result he got 2 calls on Christmas morning from neighbours inviting him over as they couldn't bare him being alone. He had 3 offers, including mine and my local sibling, but he chose to go to his step kids.
Finally, he saves his anger, bitterness, sadness and "my life isn't worth living" for me and 1 of my siblings. The other is not interested. My sibling gets it the most. It is like they are a punch bag.
I just said to my DH that in the last 3 months I feel like I have got my life back as my DC are older and don't need me as much. I am working more, I am getting fit and healthy and I just feel like I am going to have to give up my job to go sort him out 250 miles away. He refuses to move, or get help and instead just wants to be bitter and reserve that for his blood family only whilst his DSC only get the generous Disney Step Dad. They all think he's great. Our spouses, so not related to my dad, say his behaviour is ridiculous and he is a big baby and that we should have dealt with him years ago, but how? We do not know how to handle him.
AIBU to be really upset with his behaviour but not want to give up my own life to look after him? As a result of his continuing behaviour I am a nervous wreck and I feel like I am going to have a mental meltdown. My family are upset and say my stress is affecting everyone. I and my sibling just feel we are stuck in a non win situation, between a rock and a hard place, and it is only going to get worse as he gets older.