Dad calling me a cruel woman when my child is upset - AIBU?

[ReginaaPhalangee]

Appreciate I’m probably being over sensitive as currently on holiday where my parents have joined us and at times have been getting on my nerves, but there’s been a few occasions when my toddler is upset for whatever reason, e.g, nappy change etc that my dad has called me a cruel woman in a jokey way to my son. He says things like “aww is that cruel woman making you sad” or “what a cruel woman”

It’s been annoying me when he says it, so today I told him to stop doing it. He got defensive and said I need to get a sense of humour.

my dad always has to have the last word, so I just shook my head and didn’t say anything else on the matter, but I’m annoyed.

AIBU?

I think “Say anything like that in front of my toddler agsin and I will show just how fucking cruel I can be! “

I hate this passive aggressive shit!

I voted incorrectly and can’t change it, but you are def not being unreasonable.

I think you are being oversensitive. He doesn't think your cruel. I say stuff like this all the time about myself when my kids are doing something thats dangerous. Like I know mummy's so mean for not letting you play with the sockets or run into the road. Or I know im the worst mum ever making you eat vegetables. Kids are overly dramatic. Your dad has had kids and knows this.

I mean, it does sound more like hes making fun of the toddler than you - pointing out that its ridiculous to cry over necessary things like a nappy change.

I vote yes, you do need to get a sense of humor.

You sound pleasant!

Jesus Christ.

Tell him you'd laugh if it was funny but you don't appreciate disrespect masked as humour.

Course you would 🙄

He’s been asked to stop it, she’s upset .. but hey yeah, she’s over reacting!

It depends on your Dad really. Is he generally a misogynistic prick or is this just the irritating sort of thing that grandparents say occasionally. Either way, the overuse of any so called "joke" would get right on your fucking nerves. Tell him straight that it's annoying and undermines your confidence. Then never go on holiday with them again.

I suspect there is far more to this than just what you have posted.

On the surface you are being over sensitive imo, as other posters have said he is making fun of the child's reaction not of you. As above i have called myself evil mum/step mum for making the kids est veg, clean their teeth, shower after sports.

However, his reaction to you asking him to stop is a dick move.

I think it's just something people say when a baby is crying to diffuse the situation or because they can't think of anything else. My in-laws always say 'did you pinch that baby?!' sometimes even I say 'oh, mean old mummy for changing your nappy' or something like that

Unless he actually means it I think you're being over sensitive sorry

I hate this and have only ever come across it from older men. My 18-month-old had a black eye once from bumping into something and as we walked past a guy working by a ticket barrier "jokingly" said "ah how could anyone have given you that" looking at me. It's them who needs to sort their sense of humour out.

It doesn't matter why he's doing it or what his intentions are, OP has asked him to stop because she doesn't like it...as is her prerogative. He's being a dick to continue doing it

Also if a baby is crying just shut up and let me concentrate on them instead of adding your unfunny comments to the noise! Total absence of emotional intelligence

It's just a joke. I do it to my own kids. Oh wicked mummy, making you wear shoes when it's snowing! Frostbite is the new black isn't it?

How truly delightful and what a mature way to deal with a parent and relatively minor source of conflict.

OP please do not take this posters advice. A typical case of something most reasonable adults would not do but spout off as if they would in real life.

I would say quietly not in the moment “Hey Dad. I hope you don’t mind me having a chat with you about something that has been bothering me. I appreciate you may mean comments like “cruel Mummy changing your nappy” in a jokey way and to make light of a situation but it does hurt me a bit and I would be grateful if you would stop saying this in general.”

if he replies with “you are so dramatic” reply with
“Dad, I am having an adult conversation with you. Please respect my request or I will have to leave the room anytime I have to parent my child and do something that may result in them crying. I would prefer if you would hear me and just not say it in the first place. I will leave the decision up to you.”

And leave the room.

If it does happen again silently lift the child and leave. He can easily not say these things, once you have highlighted your hurt the ball is in his court. Do not get into a back and forth over it. State your boundaries and feelings and then just do it.

If he feels bad that’s up to him.

You're not being unreasonable. Dads often 'bond' with children by mocking the mum and it sounds like that's going for the grandfather as well here. It's out of order.

Is anyone really so pompous and verbose in real life? can’t take Thunderpants’ suggestions remotely seriously.

YANBU, my MIL was like this, going on about what cruel parents we were, it really got on my nerves. DH spoke to her and told her to stop it. Is there anyone else who can speak to your dad just to hit home how annoyed it makes you?

I know I’m going against the grain, but taking your post at face value (ie no back story) I think you might be a bit sensitive. There’s been times when I’ve been changing my LO’s nappy and she’s been kicking off (as they do) and someone has been trying to comfort them saying ahh is mean mummy changing your bum and putting a nice clean nappy on.

My dad's like this.

"Aww, mummy's not cruel. It would be cruel if I left you in a dirty nappy, wouldn't it Grandad?" (/insert alternative consequence)

“Put a sock in it dad, unless you are helping”

Why does everyone have to be so over sensitive? I highly doubt he actually thinks you are cruel. And it is probably obvious you are not. Just say a sarky remark like oh yes I am the ultimate she devil. Or just ignore it.

That's the way we talk in my family its obviously a joke and we are all good to each other so taken as a joke.

If there is a different dynamic in your family I can see how it may be more of an issue.