Dad calling me a cruel woman when my child is upset - AIBU?

[ReginaaPhalangee]

Appreciate I’m probably being over sensitive as currently on holiday where my parents have joined us and at times have been getting on my nerves, but there’s been a few occasions when my toddler is upset for whatever reason, e.g, nappy change etc that my dad has called me a cruel woman in a jokey way to my son. He says things like “aww is that cruel woman making you sad” or “what a cruel woman”

It’s been annoying me when he says it, so today I told him to stop doing it. He got defensive and said I need to get a sense of humour.

my dad always has to have the last word, so I just shook my head and didn’t say anything else on the matter, but I’m annoyed.

AIBU?

Because the best way to deal with someone saying something inappropriate in front of your toddler is to swear at and threaten your dad in front of your toddler? 👏🏻

It doesn't sound like that at all to me. It sounds like a passive aggressive snipe at his daughter.

What's your relationship like with him, OP?

It doesn't even matter whether she's being over sensitive or not - she doesn't like it. That's all that matters. If she's not in on it, stop it.

Absolute dick thing to say! Especially if the child is old enough to understand the language... Dinosaur-brained moron 🙄

No you’re not. If they keep hearing it from family members then they will start to believe it. Stop it now! You ARE NOT BEING UNREASONABLE!!

Yip

Ah,! hardly the best of ways to deal with something so small and irrelevant is it.? Lackof soh.

My MIL used to do this aaaallllll the time with me and I hated it. So passive aggressive and unhelpful. You’re not unreasonable!

If he's clearly joking he's maybe trying to make a joke about your child's overreaction rather than whatever you are doing.

But you're not finding it helpful or funny so totally fair to ask him to stop.

Women tired of being the butt of the 'joke', always just joyless crones 🙄

Isn't grandad a bully....

Maybe the baby's screeching is getting a bit annoying?

Once or twice - funny haha. More than that and it's just boring. Over-use of a joke that was weak the first time is the conversational refuge of a dullard.

It’s more the fact I’ve had to ask him before not to do it. I can take a joke, but not when it involves criticising my parenting skills when I’m battling with nappy change time!

My dad once tried 'your mum tells me off if I get it wrong' schtick around emptying the dishwasher - which was utter rubbish and totally undermining (anyone emptying the dishwasher, even into the wrong places, I am very grateful for - the only thing I requested is that he didn't do it at 5am given the kitchen is right next to my bedroom and he clatters and bangs stuff - and I requested, I didn't 'have a go')

I told him in a very sharp tone that that was rubbish, and I'd thank him not to try that misogynistic undermining nonsense around my boys.

edit. he knew what he was doing - he knew it was sexist and designed to make it a him and the boys against me. It wasn't malicious, but it was thoughtless

But it isn't disrespect. Obviously he doesn't think OP is cruel, he's making a joke about the fact that child is making such a fuss about something harmless. When ours were little, we occasionally made jokes about "Ooh, how cruel we are making you put on a coat in midwinter" or "Sorry, I know I'm being really mean not letting you sit in a pooey nappy". If he does it all the time I can see that the joke will wear off, but that's a totally different issue.

OP, I suggest you pass over whatever task it is to your father. Let him see if he can change a nappy efficiently without upsetting your child.

I’ve had exactly the same experience and it does stick. That’s why my 16 year old doesn’t listen to a word I say because my in-laws that disliked me and still do after 16 years kept telling him what a meany I was by just setting rules and boundaries. You need to set the rules and boundaries with your parents. You are a parent now and your responsibility is to your child and the relationship you have with your child!! Advice is one thing but undermining simply isn’t acceptable. The lack of respect in youngsters is down to parents having a namby pamby approach. My 7 year old son has been bullied by 10 year olds on our street and when I’ve gone out to speak to them I have been verbally abused, sworn at , had the middle finger then verbally abused whilst my front door is open so I could watch my son. I’ve spoken to the parents, the school but last night resulted in me calling the police. But yet the parents have allowed them out tonight!!!!! So no my darling….. get them to stop undermining you.
its nothing to do with being to sensitive.

You aren’t being unreasonable. It’s an awful thing to say and especially in front of your child.

I would never go away with them again.

Yeah one thing for sure I won’t be so open with telling them about holiday details as they will just book onto it like they did with this cruise. Never again! I feel I’ve had to change my plans to suit them. We are here with friends and when we make plans at night, it’s “aww what about us?” Or “oh we were gunna do XYZ and thought you’d join us”
cannot wait to get home haha

You can change it, just tap the other option.

Totally unacceptable and he’s trying to undermine you in a really horrid way. Ignore the nay sayers on here and be strong and stand up to him!!

That’s your call. It’s addressing something that is hurting the OP and also making space for change on Dads part without a full blown argument or stand off.

AKA maturely dealing with a source of conflict.

seeing as you are the expert, what do you suggest would be a better approach?

It’s a very common joke. You are being oversensitive. The joke is that you are being far from cruel and the child is making an unnecessary fuss. The jokes on them, not you! It’s not a criticism of your parenting.