Are children of teachers always this bad or have we had bad luck?

[JapaneseMaggie]

DS has had very few problems at school, has lots of friends and different friendship groups. Few fall outs but always dealt with and moved on from quickly, his behaviour is very good, no issues in class etc. He’s had two big fall outs with two boys over the past 4 years. One ended in a formal complaint from us as the school were shocking in how it was dealt with then an apology and admission of wrong doing, the second seems to be heading the same way. We knew with the first one that his dad is a teacher, although not at the school. This second one we’ve learnt that both parents are teachers/senco again in different schools. There is a huge difference in how these fall outs have been dealt with compared to others, and the fall outs seem far more intense and instant separation at play times.

It’s two AIBU really. Firstly are children of teachers generally like this? Another friend has a child in another school who was bullied by the son of the headteacher at my DS school ironically.

And secondly, is this school siding more with children that are from parents in the same profession or am I paranoid?

Generally like what? You haven't explained what the kids are doing

You are working from a sample size of two.

It also sounds like your problem is with the school, rather than the parents?

Of course they aren’t all like this! What a question!! That’s suggesting that the children of all 468000 teachers in the UK are all ‘like this’. Further more it’s suggesting that somehow it’s the fault of the parents’ jobs that make them so. I think this is entirely coincidental that your 2 experiences happen to have been with those who have parents as teachers .

I am not a teacher nor do I work in a school but situations are handled badly in schools up and down the country every single day without the children of any teachers being involved. It just happens. I would be horrified to think that the situation was swayed by parents of the other children being in the same profession. I can’t believe that this would happen - though maybe someone will come along and say this can happen.

The first one decided he didn’t want to be friends with DS anymore. They’d grown apart but then he started telling people that DS had bullied him, including the other children and his mother. His mother approached DS on the playground about this. Both myself and his dad were insisting that the school looked into this as if DS was bullying we wanted to sort it out. School said no DS wasn’t bullying, just a case of two boys no longer getting on, however this message that DS was a bully was continued by the boy and his parent.

The second one is more DS grew away from the child, the child wanted to be friends with him still and see DS out of school, DS said no, boy starts being horrible directly to DS and says “I’m being horrible because you won’t be friends with me” . Again school say two boys that just don’t get on anymore.

So two teacher's kids have friendship issues and all kids of teachers are now bad eggs?

Just because someone is a teacher it doesn't mean they know how to parent. It doesn't mean their kid will be an angel.

That is like saying that a doctor can never have an ill child.

I am an ex-teacher and both my children are very well behaved, never get into trouble, and get on well with others. Most teacher friends I have are in the same position with their own children. However, just like with non-teacher parents, some kids are poorly behaved or difficult regardless of what their parents do for a living.

As for how the school deals with them, they might be doing a bad job of dealing with the issues, but I would be astounded if they cared less about the profession of the parents involved. I’ve worked at a number of schools and never once was a child of a teacher treated any differently from the rest of the kids. The staff don’t care what the employment situation is for the kids’ parents.

What you describe (except the parent involvement) is things a lot of kids say as they learn to navigate friendships. It's then down to parents to teach them that this isn't the correct way to manage the situation.
The parent getting involved and talking directly to your child is out of order. I completely understand your frustration there and the school need to speak to them.
Your role is to teach your child about healthy and unhealthy relationships and use it as a learning tool. Just like the parents who are also teachers should be doing. Just because one is a teacher doesn't mean they can't be stupid parents who thinks the sun shines out of their child's arse. Teachers aren't perfect.

I am a teacher. I am definitely not a perfect parent.

I'm a teacher and I can say that children of teachers are the easiest kids to deal with. Their parents are usually very quick to see where their child is going wrong as they have seen a lot of kids in action and know exactly what they could potentially be up to. For example, you would never hear a teacher parent utter the words, "my child doesn't lie". They know all kids do and assume theirs does too.

I bloody hope not! Both myself and DH are teachers so if so our kids stand no chance!!

I am a teachers daughter and never had problem with other kids, i was very popular both at the school my Mum taught and the other. The only time it was an issue was early on in my time there i was pushed over in the playground by a boy who was in my Mums class and they had to investigate the incident to make sure he hadn't deliberately targeted me because my Mum had told him off that morning. I understand some kids may feel they are untouchable because their parents is a teacher but my Mum was very clear that i was not subject to any special treatment in 'her' school, the only time it came up was when she was commenting on a certain behaviour of another teachers daughter and i heard her say 'i'm glad my daughter behaved like that'.

I had a horrendous experience at my school with a daughter of a teacher. But the another child of a teacher in my class was lovely !

You could flip this round and look at the other common dominator being your son. Does he struggle with how to deal friendships ?

My kids were at a school where there were at least four sets of teacher couples and kids attending. All the children were exemplary in their behaviour. So no I think it was just a coincidence that the kids you’ve had issues with have teacher parents. After all if my kids acted up in my workplace I’d be doubly embarrassed!

No, as I said he’s quite popular, whilst there’s been fallouts etc with other boys they’ve always resolved things themselves without us or the other parents.
The 2 boys with teachers seemed incapable of resolving anything without the need for parental involvement.

Socially I’ve always been a hands off parent that lets children resolve things themselves.

I thought this was going to be about teachers with kids in the same school. I can't see why it would affect things if they are from a different school. I've not noticed this. We had a whole family in the school at one point. Both parents teachers, both kids pupils. I didn't notice issues

Not any more problematic than children of any profession or job surely. The common denominator is your boy, it would seem.

My children are adults and still friends with the people they went to school with. My DiL is a teacher and the grandchildren are friends with people they went to school with.

Yes all children with teacher parents are evil. Mine were sacrificing kittens by 3.

In your sample size of 2 it appears your child is the common factor so…….

Eh. The fact teachers has nothing to do with it. Parents believe their kids.

You are looking for monsters where there are none.

And BTW Iv often found that some of the well behaved academic kids are the sneakiest with their nasty behaviour but parents think sun shines out of their butts

I am not a teacher. I have friends who are teachers and their kids are lovely. I think it is a coincidence that the two issues you have had are with children with teachers as parents.

Not a teacher myself but from my limited experience (around 5 kids), the teachers' children I have come across have been very polite, compliant and get a raw deal imo.

I don't think kids should attend the same schools that their parents work at imo, but not because I think they're running amok terrorising the other pupils.

I mean, if they were teachers at the SAME school I would see your point but I doubt them just being in the profession has anything to do with it, its not a secret club with a special handshake!

Just because someone is a teacher it doesn't mean they know how to parent. I

No, it would be wrong to assume that everyone working in a particular profession were all the same.

But your post is asking if teachers' children are always 'this bad'-assuming they are all the same.

Which would be a ridiculous suggestion.

I know nurses AND teachers who have clear views on who their children should play with and befriend.

All children are different, it's a bit strange to think that all children of teachers are bullies anymore than it is to say all children of doctors or plumbers are
My teacher daughter and teacher son in law have three children and each one is an individual with very different personalities. although none of them are bullies!