To absolutely at lowest after seeing a photo of myself taken at work?

[Littletinytarzanswingingfromanosehair]

We had an event a work on Monday and an email has just gone round to the business of pics of the day.
There was no one asking or mentioning picture will be being taken etc and of course now people have phones it's not as easy to spot someone taking shots etc.
There is the most horrendous candid shot of myself, gurning and my double chin going hell for leather growing a 3rd one.
I'm extremely short sighted so If I know im having a photo taken I take my glasses off etc.
I don't wear makeup for work only at weekends to let my skin breath.
I have suffered eating disorders since I was 15 (now almost 39) and I'm currently a 14 and I look clinically obese.

I actually can't stop sobbing.
I know this is how I look and I see myself in the mirror but I don't want other pictures reminding me I'm a beast.

I get married in May and I'm not going to even be able to look at the photos.

Please tell me I'm not alone to be this upset over pictures?

Title edit To feel at my lowest

This is the same as when you hear your myself speak when recorded

No one else sees us or hears how we do about ourselves

Oh you’re not alone, a bad photo has been known to upset me for days or weeks afterwards 😖 The truth is, it’s unlikely other people have given the photo a second thought or that’s even how you really look. It’s just an unflattering photo + we are all our own harshest critics. Try googling a celebrity name + bad photo, it might cheer you up 🤷‍♀️ we all have bad photos and this was likely just a bad unflattering angle.

I hear you!! I had to do my passport renewal last week and got DH to take some photos of me and I honestly cried when I saw them. I was in shock. I looked hideous. And when I say hideous I mean HIDEOUS!

I was actually in shock at how ugly I was. Double chin, lopsided face, one eye bigger than the other, joules and sagging skin and my skin looked lacklustre and dull. I was honestly mortified and couldn't look at them.

I couldn't use them and had to get them taken again, this time with a full face of make up and some clever lighting. They were much better but I still hated them.

I just couldn't stop thinking that this must be how everyone else see's me.

It has knocked my self esteem for six and I hate myself now.

No one else sees you in the way you see yourself - they'll see someone knowledgeable, who has their shit together, acting with poise and confidence.
When was the last time you looked at a picture of someone else and picked out flaws like you've described?

😆 🤣 gurning...we have been there, with the awful photo capture.

Please be kind to yourself .
The majority of people don’t look their best when caught unawares and not “posed “ .

Many years ago I lived very close to a Supermodel !
Think Corsa advert !

Saw her around the village regularly and while pretty she was very far removed from
the absolute stunner she was on the advert that went global .

I heard a recording of myself recently and thought do I really sound like that, how could anyone even want to listen to me speak.

What would you like from this, OP? Do you want reassurance that photos don’t always give an accurate representation of what you look like? Because it’s correct that sometimes they don’t. Or would you like acknowledgment that sometimes, a photo is yourself as others will see you, and it’s a bit of a wake-up call?

If you’re getting married in May, you have almost a full year to work on things. You can change your diet, work on your fitness, drop a couple of dress sizes easily in that time, and look more like how you’d want to look. You have the time to do it in small steps.

To be honest since I've had horrendous esteem I try my utmost to not pick or consider flaws because I'm barely Sharon stone myself.
I was using a staff photo recently (posed one too and a stunning colleague at that) and I still asked if they were happy for me to share for a campaign I was running and they were so thankful for asking. But it's the least I do if I hate my own photos.

@ComtesseDeSpair did you really just suggest someone with an eating disorder works on a diet ? Can’t cope with mumsnet sometimes

May is a long time away if you want to do something to build your confidence but we all take unflattering photos.

The reassurance is that to be told it's not normal to get this hungup over appearance and photos and like you have basically said, do something about it and lose weight etc.

I'm sorry you feel so rubbish, OP. I totally understand how you feel. I had to record a video for a course I'm doing last night and I was absolutely mortified at how I looked on it! I have recently put on some weight and a few years ago had cellulitis of the face which means my face is lopsided. The increase in weight has made it look almost deformed and it really was a shock seeing how bad it looked.

There are very few people who look ok in candid shots. Selfies are so popular because people can see how they look and adjust their face to look better. If I look ok in a photo it is a complete fluke because I usually look a bit mad eyed.

Is it normal for women to feel unhappy about the way they look and to obsess about it when they see themselves in photos? Yes, I think it’s pretty normal. I suspect if you asked every single one of the women you know, they would tell you they do likewise. That’s how we’re conditioned. We’re brought up with beauty standards and pressure. Beyond that, you have to work out whether you care about that or not and whether you can, and want, to accept that this is you and just learn to be happy with the way you look now; or whether you want to change it. I have no idea what you actually look like, but that’s irrelevant, because it’s what you want that’s important.

Wait… was my DH there taking pictures? Honestly that man has never taken a photo of that looks normal. Screw flattering I would be happy with not looking like a troll hanging out under a bridge.

Stop looking at it, stop thinking about it.

Now a totally unsolicited piece of advice. Ignore if I’ve overstepped.

Please come up with a strategy for your wedding photos ahead of time. That could be anything from waiting until you are good and ready to view them, working with your photographer to focus on family and friends for the majority of them, having a trusted family/friend review the proofs instead of you, have a trusted family/friend sort the photos to remove ones you are in for you first viewing, or something else.

Notice that none of my suggestions is to not photograph you.

It’s obvious that photos are a trigger for you, and that’s ok. Since it is, walk into the situation armed with that knowledge and work a strategy to keep you from feeling this way about your happiest day.

Joules? That must have been shocking!

Size 14 isn’t gross. And make up doesn’t stop your skin ‘breathing’. If anything, good make up will provide a filter for your skin from being clogged by fine particulates of pollutants. A photograph is a 2 dimensional view and many of us are not photogenic in this way.

I think you need to consider what other people - your friends and family - find lovely and attractive about you. Then think of yourself in similar terms. Be a friend to yourself - and stop judging her so harshly.

I should also say that I’ve just accepted how my DH’s pictures of me look. I have well and truly shoved them into the comical category. Sometimes it’s just sheer will to accept and move on.

Oh and I have the voice cringe too. I had to do a live video training session at work and I could watch the view counter as I was presenting. I stopped watching it at 700. That video is then posted to our training site for all the global regions to watch. I was never brave enough to go watch it myself. It would be a great learning tool for me but..nope probably will never happen.

I’m not going to brush off how you feel as I can totally relate. I avoid having my photo taken as much as possible as the results can make me feel very down. I feel sick when I see photos taken of me whether they're candid or not. I just look horrible, it’s made even worse because my sister is very photogenic even though she doesn’t look much better than me in real life, so that can really sting.

I remember once many year’s ago listening to a landline message I’d left and it felt like an actual punch to the guts when I heard myself speak. I couldn’t believe that’s how I sound to people. I found it shocking and was mortified that all my life that was what people were hearing 🫣

So I look bad and sound bad 😭

I should add that I don’t actually look that bad in real life, it’s just on photos, even when younger and prettier I took awful photos. I’m mostly ok with how I look in a mirror.

14 isn't large. It's below average and a healthy size. Sending hugs 🥰

Some people just don’t photograph well, I’m one of them, especially if my husband takes the photo.
I’m not Kate Moss but I don’t feel ugly when I look in the mirror, in photos I look fucked though.
Prop your phone up at home and get a video recording of yourself, I’ve found I look a lot better in videos rather than photos, then you can just screenshot what you’re happy with.
Your not alone, lots of people have an issue with there looks in photographs.

In May?! You’ve got 11 months to look better. I went hell for leather February - June and lost masses for my wedding (and that took me down to the size you are now!). Not recommending it but very very glad I did my best for my wedding and don’t regret that! At least I can enjoy my pics :)

Remember that we are never still and static unless in a photo and we are far more dimensional - body language, personality, energy. We’re way more than our size but a photo only shows size.

Most people dislike photos of themselves, unless they have a very symmetrical face and hairstyle

The reason is that what we see in the mirror (mirror image) is reverse of what a photo shows (your actual face that everyone else sees)

So, when we see photos, it throws us off guard and we don't like it. Not because it's an awful photo, but because it's not how we think we look

It is normal to hate pictures of yourself especially when there’s things you want to change. Like other people have said you can work on things if you have till May. Make a list and start doing it. I have a wedding next May and I’ve said by then I want to sort my acne out and tone up.