To absolutely at lowest after seeing a photo of myself taken at work?

[Littletinytarzanswingingfromanosehair]

We had an event a work on Monday and an email has just gone round to the business of pics of the day.
There was no one asking or mentioning picture will be being taken etc and of course now people have phones it's not as easy to spot someone taking shots etc.
There is the most horrendous candid shot of myself, gurning and my double chin going hell for leather growing a 3rd one.
I'm extremely short sighted so If I know im having a photo taken I take my glasses off etc.
I don't wear makeup for work only at weekends to let my skin breath.
I have suffered eating disorders since I was 15 (now almost 39) and I'm currently a 14 and I look clinically obese.

I actually can't stop sobbing.
I know this is how I look and I see myself in the mirror but I don't want other pictures reminding me I'm a beast.

I get married in May and I'm not going to even be able to look at the photos.

Please tell me I'm not alone to be this upset over pictures?

Title edit To feel at my lowest

You have to be really strict with yourself about not letting yourself wallow in negative thoughts. It's such a complete waste of your one and only life to let yourself become consumed by this.

Never once have I thought about a friend "she's ok, but I'd like her much better if she were 10lbs smaller". You know in your head it's ridiculous, but it does take quite an active effort to get to the stage where you actually believe it in your heart.

I look like a drug addict in my passport photo, and don't really like being photographed, but your reaction is extreme. You presumably have friends and family who appreciate you as you are - you certainly have a fiance who wants to marry you as you are, not as you might be if you were more glamorous and thinner (and at size 14 I would be surprised if you are obese).

Although this is true, I think these days, with photos from mobile phones, I think it's generally considered that the image in a mirror is a more accurate representation of what you look like in general terms. This is because phone cameras (the wide angle) widens faces (and bodies!) and distorts slightly in other ways too. I think the term is a 'fish - eye' lens, so it focuses on the middle of the picture and distorts anything away from the centre. This slight distortion can be very disconcerting to say the least!

As for your size op, you are the same as me, and I'm pretty confident. It took me a while to get here, as before kids, I was tall, very slim, did a bit of modelling here and there. I struggled with my changing body. However now, I'm trying to remember that my body has done (and still does) amazing things, and that I need to be kinder to myself, and accept that natural changes happen (I'm late forties, have 4 children). You have had an eating disorder, and hopefully now you are fit and healthy, and this is something to be proud of. Plus, you are getting married! I can assure you your husband thinks you are gorgeous. There will be others who think this too. We are not two-dimensional.

As for the photo you saw... It was a split second, mid movement/expression. That is not how you actually look or how others see you. Next time you're watching TV, press the pause button a few times while a character is speaking. I can guarantee at least one pause will produce an extremely unflattering still shot of what is potentially a very attractive actor! You'll see what I mean I promise.

Just to add to my above post, as it wouldn't let me edit... I just re-read your OP, and I see it doesn't say whether you are over your eating disorder yet. I hope you are better, but if not, you have just as much of a reason to be kinder on yourself x

You have my sympathy. I hate photos of myself too, they don't reflect how I feel at all. For me it's the sudden aging and crooked teeth.

I can't do anything about the loose skin, getting 'filler face' is not a good look either. But I guess I could get my teeth done.. it would make me feel a lot better and look less like an old hag 🤣

Self care is a good thing. You shouldn't feel pressure to look stunning in photos, hardly any of us do. But this is a wake up call that you are not happy and you need to take more care of yourself. Start eating healthy and taking a walk at lunchtime. Plan activities at the weekends like swimming and long walks. It will lift your mood as well as dropping pounds.

I’m the other way round to you OP as I would have actually called in sick rather than not wear make up to work, it’s the weekend I might not wear it. Trust me I look absolutely dog rough without it, look fairly decent with it. May is ages away. Don’t be too hard on yourself, working and I assume parenting is a time-robbing combination and the main thing we all need to look good is spare time to ourselves and money.

Well some guy has presumably asked you to marry him next year so you can’t be that much of a “beast”.

I know it's no comfort but most people will just be looking for themselves in the photo and won't even see you. There must be a nice photo of you somewhere, and if not, create it and put it up somewhere you can see x.

I honestly think everyone who has seen the photo will have given it a second thought.

We’re harder on ourselves than others.

I do know exactly where you’re coming from. I hate getting my photo taken. When I’ve got ready to go out and think I look ok, I’ve seen a photo of that night and thought, god do I really look so shite.

Anyway, you’re getting married. Your husband to be obviously loves you.

Won’t have!!

@Littletinytarzanswingingfromanosehair- did they ask for consent before posting this? I would ask for it to be removed and tell them you don’t give consent.

This was me 2 weeks ago…….thought I looked alright for a work launch event but the photos were shocking. They were taken by our Comms department who you would’ve thought had some experience of taking good photos. I was devastated.

However, a quick conversation with someone else in the photos revealed that everyone thought they were terrible for everyone in the photos…….

let it go, don’t focus on it….i promise you do not look like that in real life

No that's the thing they didn't gain consent on the day.
If I had seen them taking photos I would have clearly asked not to be included.
The company I work for are incredible in supporting mental health in many ways, perhaps this is an issue that is overlooked.
It's just gutting because I never ever take part in social gathering / networking / fun lunches at work for this bloody reason of my tedious insecurities.
Put your cameras away for minute and let people relax.
I actually felt a bit of relief on the day as my colleague sat next to me said "I just want to eat my cake and not have a camera shoved in my face"

A problem with photos is that people look very different when they're in motion. As I've got older and I see how 'posed' photos are now, I realise more and more that very often the full face of make up, styled hair and staged poses don't reflect how that person really looks in real life, in motion. And it works the same in reverse. I had a similar experience recently where I went out thinking I looked fine and the photos told a different story. It's hard to get over. But that one second in that photo is never the whole story of how a person looks and it's never the whole story of a person - it's not your whole story.