Husbands priorities all wrong

[Exhaustedslave]

AIBU not to suck my husbands d*ck more?

This is a long one so I honestly apologise and understand if no one reads it.

I'm at breaking point. I'll give some back story - We did the whole 2 under 2 thing so we have a 10 month old and a 2 year old with 18 months apart. The eldest is in nursery on a Monday and Friday and the youngest is with me all the time. They will both be in nursery 4 days a week come September but that's a really long way off. I've just returned to work from maternity leave. I work for the company that my husband owns with 4 other people as their admin assistant. I wake up with the children between 6-7am, I then parent all day and at 4pm when he finishes work we swap and I work my 8 hours and he does tea with the kids - I take a break to put one of them to bed. He works laying on the sofa, in the living room which means that I sit on the floor with the children all day, trying to keep them quiet and away from him so he can work. He says he does this to help but I find it a hinderence. I don't get a break. Ever. I shower once a week. I brush my teeth when I leave the house and I only get dressed if I absolutely have to because I just can't find the time. If i leave the room ww3 breaks out between the kids and my husband doesn't even notice and if I take them with me upstairs it's a nightmare. We're renovating and there are tools everywhere. Sometime the work I do spills into the days as it needs doing in office hours so I'm trying to parent and work together.
My husband is on at me all the time about the lack of sex we have. I mean, he mentions it everyday. My body hurts from the difficult labours and close together pregnancies. I don't recognise myself in the mirror anymore. My body just isnt mine. It makes me feel like shit that he knows I'm struggling - I told him the other week I haven't felt happiness in about 3 years and I don't want to be here anymore. And yet he's always on about how little affection I show him. Last night he turned around and said that I don't realise how much it hurts him when I refuse to suck him off. To start with I thought he was joking. But he said he doesn't know how to discuss this without sound like an a$$hole. I honeslty couldn't even respond. I'm still so angry. It's like he doesn't even respect me enough to see that I might need a basic human need met before I worry about his other needs!! I even tried to have a shower last night and he got in it with me. I just wanted 5 minutes alone.

At this point I'm contemplating a divorce because I just don't want to hear about it any more. I want just for 1 day for someone to put me first but all he ever thinks about is his d!ck. AIBU not to just get on and do it for the sake of a happy husband?

1. This is madness up at 6am with kids. 8hr work day starts at 4pm so youve 12pm to 6am to sleep? Like when do you poo? Jesus thats not sustainable

1. He needs to realise foreplay starts at breakfast. Its hard to feel sexy if youre overtired, overworked and under appreciated. Tell him what you need, don't be shy. If he can say id like more blow jobs you can say I want a 20hr week do 4-9 4 days while he watches his kids (and cooks tea, and does bath time, and does bed time, and put a wash on) does he even have the good grace to do the wake ups at night?

1. I think you either need to work A LOT less or he needs to pay for some childcare so you can work reasonable hours

1. And honestly, personally I cant tell you how unfucking sexy a grown man whining for sex is, when he is asking his spouse to do an 18hr day. He should be soo embarrassed

So you spend 9-10 hours looking after his infants then 8hours working for his business. You dont have time for basic hygiene and he thinks you should use the lunch hour he generously pays for to suck his cock as well?

Tell him next week youre swapping, for a week he can get up at 6 with the kids and youll get yourself clean, work 8am-4pm and take over the kids then. He can start work at 4pm and see how keen he is to go down on you at 10pm in the only half hour he gets to himself all day. He might learn something

He pays you minimum wage!!!

And wants his dick sucked on your lunchtime?

Grim

Tell him he must go down on your first (one of the days you haven’t showered for days) and then you’ll think about it

Me and DH used to have a similar split working day with two young children, except the first "shift" was from 7-2, and the second shift was 2-10. That meant that the one doing the 2nd shift actually was doing some parenting, had to cook dinner and do bedtime etc. so it was more or less 50:50. What you're doing isn't a fair division. Also, you need to be firmer that he NEEDS to work upstairs in a closed bedroom or office. It will be much easier once they're both in school/nursery, but then again, there is little sexier than a man begging for sex and not caring about you as a person...

You earn less than minimum wage right now anyways by the sounds of it by all the hours you are doing round the clock.
Your kids are hopefully going to childcare 4 days a week from September mostly funded by the funded hours?
I would 100% try to get a job that works around nursery hours and then stop working for his company and separate this part of your life. Let them find someone else to underpay and underappreciate (they won't!)

I would tell him you're taking a shower everyday before you start work, just the same as he does. He needs to stop working in the living room if he's getting in the way and creating more work for you. Getting washed and dressed everyday even if you're not leaving the house will help you start to feel a bit more human. These should be easy fixes to begin with and if he pushes back once it's spelled out to him, then I don't think you can make the relationship work long term.

It sounds like he wants you to keep on doing everything you were for the house and kids when you were on mat leave and go back to work fulltime? He needs to understand that's not sustainable.

One other thing I noticed: you said “it’s difficult on minimum wage”, but presumably he isn’t on minimum wage? Childcare is a JOINT expense, not just one that should come out of the mother’s salary.

Usually with setups like this the wife is a shareholder and also gets dividends.

It sounds like financial and emotional abuse. You are tied to your oh for work and also not an equal share of bills (especially childcare).

Are the shareholding not equal? Three out of four should have been able to overrule the other on salary. Do you know oh is being honest about this?

You do need to leave.

Your MH must be shot and physically you can't carry on like this...you need physical space to live properly and you must be so tired.

If you can just survive till they are at nursery then get a job with a real company then you can fuck him off.
by survive, I mean stand in the living room while’s he’s working and scream, like SCREAM: ‘GET THE FUCK OUT OF THE LIVING ROOM. YOU ARE MAKING MY LIFE HARDER EVERY SINGLE DAY!! GO WORK IN YOUR OFFICE ALONG WITH ALL THE OTHER FUCKERS WHO DOTN VALUE ME EITHER. LOOK IN THE MIRROR ON THE WAY OUT AND THINK WHAT KIND IF SPINELESS FUCKER CANT SUPPORT HIS OWN WIFE TO HAVE A VERY FUCKING DESERVED PAY RISE IN HIS OWN COMPANY??
unplug the tv. When he gets home, take his phone. Tell him to do an hours active parenting for the first time in his fucking life, and if he doesn’t you’ll take a hammer to his phone. Take a kitchen knife into the shower and tell him if he opens the door you’ll stab him.

this all seems completely reasonable to me. I wouldn’t message him anything that he might be able to use against you. You’re not crazy, you’re just stuck with a very very shitty fucking excuse for a man. Like I said, once the children are in nursery, get a job in a real company. Do no handover on your job and leave.

Actually to be clear I meant a dinner knife, not an actual sharp knife!