To think one meal of eating unhealthily is okay for a child?

[Tractorandtrailer]

My mother is acting like dd is going to pile on the weight by eating one meal that isn’t healthy.

My mother has always had issues around food (both hers and mine growing up). I do not want this to pass onto dc as it still has a huge affect on me snd my relationship with food as an adult.

Dd is 3 and eats well. Her favourite foods are cucumber and pepper! She is a healthy weight and there isn’t any fat on her. She recently had her height and weight measured for her red book which I thought would reassure my mum.

Today dd wanted chocolate spread on toast for lunch. She doesn’t usually have this but I let her. She had it with strawberries on top. I want her to have a healthy relationship with all food.

we are at my mum’s and she is now saying that dd will be WAY over her ‘calories’ for the day and what will I cut her down on later to make sure she doesn’t over eat 🤨.

Dd is on the to go all the time and very active so I’m not worried in the slightest.

We are with my mum daily due to caring responsibilities. How do I shield my dd from my mum’s issues with food and get my mum to back off?

Your DM is being utterly ridiculous.
That type of message can be incredibly damaging for a child.
Well done on having a balanced approach to food .

We’re going on holiday over the summer and she’s already ‘worried sick’ that they’re going to eat unhealthily for a whole week! 🤨🤦🏻‍♀️🙃 (No she’s not coming with us so I just plan on not telling her).

Your Mother is dangerous. You need to tell her to refrain from commenting AT ALL on your daughter’s food or body. Tell her straight. A Balanced approach to food ills a part of a balanced diet.

You tell DM that you will sheild your DD from her issues with food and tell her to back off. Tell her straight that you do not want any more comments about your DD calorie intake or body, nor anyone elses including her own. If she can't keep to that deal then your ability to provide care responsibilities will be impacted.

Don't let your DMs approach to food influence how, what and when your DD eats.
Even if your DM has a healthy relationship with food unless you are feeding your dd McDs and redbull it's got bugger all to do with her.

To respond to the wider context of your thread, one unhealthy meal isn’t too bad if it’s one a month. One a week - not so good. One a day - a big problem.

This is completely batshit. Tell her that the topic of food is banned with immediate effect.

I agree. Your Mum's preoccupation with food is very toxic, you need to tell her that she is not to raise the issue regarding your children or you will have to severely limit the contact she has with her GC.

Your DM has a very unhealthy attitude to food and shouldn’t be allowed to talk about foood in relation to your kids at all.

Ds has been under the dieticians for years we have always been told to look at his intake over the course of a week rather than day to day or meal to meal.

You need to keep your dd away from your mother. Put your daughter first.

Well if it was my mum I'd tell her straight up each time
Eg in that example I'd say 'mum you'll give her a complex' or whatever

Did she say that within DD's earshot OP?

Using the word 'calories' in the vicinity of a child that young would be a hard no from me. I think you need to come down on your mum fairly hard to try and nip that sort of talk in the bud.

A balanced approach to food is absolutely the correct way. We don't call foods 'good' or 'bad' in our household. One of my son's favourite lunches is chocolate spread on toast with banana.

Your mum needs reminding that children need a balanced diet and sweet treats are a part of that. I, personally, would also be reminding her of who DD's parent is and who is responsible for making decisions for her.

Edited as you did already say your mums obsessions affected you too.

To be honest I would start being up front about 'grandma' with my child right away and continue this until your daughter is grown up.
Before you see your mum, and after, always, always remind your daughter that grandma has silly ideas about food and not to listen to her. Reassure your daughter often that she is healthy and eating perfectly.

I don't think I'd leave my children alone, ever, around a person like this. The risks are too great.

You need to shut it down each and every time it comes up. Shut it down Immediately and unequivocally.

Your DM sounds like a nightmare.

Have you ever told her that her attitude to food while you were growing up has affected you adversely, even now?

She knows but I don’t think she ‘gets it’. She thinks she’s helping. She has aways wanted me to be slim ‘for my health’.

'Slim' isn't healthy though. Strong, fit and active is healthy.

Your mom has dysfunctional food issues and if she is around your daughter every day making those comments, she's going to instill that dysfunction onto your daughter. What your mom is saying can affect your daughter's views of food and her self image.

Does your mother realize how unhealthy her eating issues are? Will she take correction, as in she needs to never comment on what your daughter is eating?

If the answer is no, she can't be around your daughter daily. She will have to find another carergiver. You have to prioritize your daughter and protect her from your mom.

You will just have to tell her that she chose how to raise her children and you (and your DP) are choosing how to raise yours. You know her opinions on the subject of food and now she just needs to keep quiet and mind her own business.

Don't buy this for one second. If she's "worried sick" weeks in advance about her granddaughters holiday diet, she has big big issues. Your job is not to let her excercise them around your DC.

You need to be really firm with your DM that you do not want to hear this.
If your DD is a healthy weight and an active girl there is absolutely no need to be calorie counting or thinking about anything like that.. she's a child!!
My middle DD has a bit of an issue with her weight but banging on about calories and cutting back is not a good way to deal with that in children. You can read literally any study on it. It's very harmful for young kids to actively diet.
I focus on making sure my middle DD eats her main meals with high protein content and her 5 a day to keep her a bit fuller so she will snack less.. and I encourage her to be active. Try and limit processed foods etc..
Just a general approach.
Cutting back from other meals because she had chocolate spread is unhinged. Especially for your DD who is a healthy weight. Your mother needs to be told straight that this is dangerous.

I would first of all make very clear to your mum that any mention of calories or weight around your daughter is not on. Secondly I would reinforce to your daughter that it's fine as long as it's in moderation. Chocolate spread on toast with strawberries sounds wonderful! And I'm sure she'll see it as a special treat.

Being slim doesn't equate to being healthy though as I'm sure you'll know, but perhaps your mum doesn't. My mum sounds very much like your mum.

Can you share some links with your mum to read up, e.g. from NHS, healthy start, child nutritionists?

And ask her (tell her) not to comment on food around DD.

Involve DD in preparing her food.

If it placates your mum to see, like it did mine - perhaps you could make chocolate spread to show her, with your DD help? e.g. mashed banana mixed cocoa powder and splash of maple syrup, spread on toast. Just once! Then next time your DD has chocolate spread on toast you could just tell DM "remember that time you saw me make it...?" even if this time around it's a convenient spread from a jar.