Sorry long post, i have no support in RL so would like some advice...I have 4 DC; 17, 16, 14 and 5. Ds16 has always been different, even when he was a baby, I could tell he was just.. different, more volatile, difficult. As he has grown up he has become increasingly difficult. he is disrespectful, aggressive, volatile, manipulating and selfish. He has good side too but we see less and less of it. Covid time made everything much worse. He used to always get in trouble at school, verbally attacks me, DH and other Dc, has also physically attacked most of us (not my youngest thank God) at some point. If he gets upset he breaks things, trashes the house...He is much bigger and stronger than I am. He regularly tells me and DH to kill myself, calls me (and others) with vile names, refuses to lift a finger in the house.
He has just finished his GCSEs and just games all day, comes down to raid the fridge and leaves a mess. I have tried to get him help, over the years we have tried various doctors and paid thousands for private counselling , no use.
There have been times when I was so afraid of him that I have hidden all the kitchen knives at night time..other Dc are typical teens but this is different level.
Last weekend we were having a bbq and I was running around preparing everything. I asked him to help, to wipe the table or carry some cutlery out. He refused and sat down on his phone. I asked again and said if he's not helping then he can't eat the food either. (I'm trying to be firm and calm with him, not to give in completely). He said something like: oh yes I will, and what are you going to do about it you retard?" With a smirk...Its no excuse but i was tired and a bit upset about another unrelated matter...so saw red, and lost it...I hit him at the back of his head. He spun around and immediately hit me very hard on face. I fell backwards on floor. Whilst I was scrambling up, my DH attacked Ds16 as he was still going at me... I got up and immediately broke them off. I apologised my son for attacking him, and managed , ultimately, to calm everything down. DS16 also apologised hitting me after a while, but his behaviour is still the same.. anyway, since that incident I have realised what abusive awful person he is, and that I and my other Dc have lived at least the last 6 years on eggshells, trying to avoid upsetting him, afraid of him. I really want him out of the house, I cannot change him or help him. I'm thinking of reporting the incident to police, but im worried i would lose my job, as I started it... what can I do? Life has become unbearable, I don't know how to get him out.