Holiday photos on Facebook whilst off sick

[TeaAndBrie]

Really interested to hear opinions on this one.
Staff member off long term sick (fully paid as local gov) due to mental health issues, signed off by GP for 4 months so far.
staff member is friends with manager on Facebook.
staff member has been uploading photos of holiday abroad on Facebook.
i would not expect someone who is on LTS for mental health reasons to never leave the house etc
Holiday photos seem a bit much though - especially when manager and other colleagues who can see these pics are having to pick up all of the work whilst he is away.
YABU - let them have their holiday, it’s good for them!
YANBU - let them have the holiday but would be better to have have pics on SM

If your workload increases when someone is off sick you have a management problem - it’s your boss you should be mad at!

I would never say to someone ‘Well I can manage X, why can’t you’ but it’s coming over that some think it’s perfectly acceptable to say ‘I can’t manage so how can you, unless you are faking it/not as worthy/unwell)

This.

When your colleagues are covering your job it's a slap in the face.

I have EUPD too, and was in therapy with a lady who looked amazing. Dressed great, fab hair and make up. Had a little girl who she doted on. Had an active social life. But she had her MH demons that she spoke of, and I would not dream of comparing hers to mine, how we cope with them etc. We are all different.
She could do things I could not, and I did things she didn't. It is not a competition. I die inside when someone says "I have xyz and do something, so you can do", or the opposite about not being able to do things.
With MH, it is not just about you.. it is about your support network too.

I can’t do any of those things either 🤣

Happens all the time on here.

I went on holiday when on long term sick after a serious illness and major operations. If the doctor has signed someone off sick it’s nothing to do with anyone else what they do.. if it helps someone who is mentally ill what has it got to do with you or anyone else ? I’d say don’t be so judgmental and be thankful it’s not you who has to go on long term sick because it’s horrible , said Sally being judged for it .

Are you sure they posted rather than they were tagged by someone else? I was in a similar situation. I am currently on long term sick with work based stress. I had a prebooked girls trip that I wanted to go on as I knew it would help me. Whilst I knew that I was "allowed" to go on holiday I was concerned how it would look to collegues when I was tagged. I took the pretty drastic step of unfriending everyone I worked with to avoid them seeing my photos. I couldn't figure out how else to avoid them seeing photos and judging me. What they didn't see was the number of times I randomly burst into tears on that trip!!

Exactly.

We need to stop thinking we can "know" how mentally unwell someone is unless we are their doctor. It's so offensive and harmful.

Well it’s certainly opened my eyes, I never expected people who had been through/were going through such hard times with mental health would attack and dismiss others. The people who clearly (luckily for them) haven’t experienced the same are easier for me to ignore because I think they are ignorant but yes, very surprising.

'it’s coming over that some think it’s perfectly acceptable to say ‘I can’t manage so how can you, unless you are faking it/not as worthy/unwell)'

Because many of us have direct experience either through ill friends and relatives or colleagues frequently being off yet seemingly able to live full and active lives.

Genuine mental health problems stop people being able to function as they did before. Once holidays and socialising are on the cards then a rtw should be possible.

It's also about the postcode lottery of an nhs we have they dont even offer dbt where i live. And all I hear is your to complex for our service. I been waiting for trauma therapy for years but apparently im to unstable for it but I can't get stable as their is no dbt. Im not allowed talking therapies as im to high risk so I just plod along with my cpn and psychiatrist drugging me and keeping me alive. Like a zombie but alive which in their books is good enough.

There is such a huge difference between an acute period of mental illness and a chronic condition.

I feel for those that are chronically ill, but like a lot of people my mental illness was specifically related to a situation which my username pertains to.

Yes, I went on holiday for two weeks, but it was to stay with my in laws, while they supported me and my husband as he found it very challenging that I had contemplated taking my life instead of just resigning from my job and moving to a different industry, which I have done but also taken a 50% pay cut in the last 10 years. I was a very experienced classroom practitioner and I had the will to continue teaching browbeaten from me, and since then I have done infinitely less interesting but also less pressurised jobs working in offices and call centres.

I’d love to teach again, but just thinking about it makes me start shuddering.

Stop.

100% this

They can holiday but I would avoid sm pics…

No that's an ignorant assumption. My friends and family saw me smiling and getting out and about and being an amazing mum to my children

Only a couple of family members and friends and my psychiatrist, psychologist, mental health team and GP knew what I was actually dealing with.

YABU. I had a bad case of burnout at work and was off with work related stress. Unbeknownst to me my lovely DH booked a last minute holiday abroad. I informed my line manager who had no problem with it, she checked with HR who were also fine with it. It might have been different if I had not been off with MH problems but my employer was fully supportive of this holiday as it was viewed as aiding my recovery and I am very grateful for that support.

Sadly, your struggle is all too common, and I am sorry you are not getting much in the way of things that really help.

I am lucky in that there is DBT where I live, but I had to wait ages to access it as there was not enough people on the waiting list to run the groups... which sounds mad when you think about it.

I think it’s a piss take when the absentee knows fine well that colleagues have to pick up the slack. We know fine well they wouldn’t be off 4 months and swanning on holiday if they were on SSP. I’d ignore them if they came back. Full pay on the sick paid for by the tax payer too. Double whammy for those covering. Sure they would like a holiday too….

Forgot to say, I didn't post anything about it on SM

We all mask to some degree. The point is if you can function then work, with support, is possible.

Thank you @coolbreezes I can’t even with him/her, so upsetting to have one of the hardest and almost fatal periods of your life dismissed to nothing by anyone let alone someone who hasn’t been through it themselves.

Seemingly being the operative word.

Anyone seeing my DH on holiday wouldn't have seen anything wrong. In fact he hid his condition very well (which is why he had such a shattering and sudden breakdown. None of us saw it coming).

Only I saw him when he was rocking and sobbing. Only I saw his whole body shaking when he made his first (failed) attempt to go back to work.

Yeah that surprises me to I thought their would be a long list of people needing dbt its the gold standard treatment.