To report my neighbour to social services

[ArtfulGoldWriter]

Neighbours have 2 kids age 4 & 2. The
mother has been screaming at the oldest for 3 years and now the other one too. It’s worse in the summer as our terraced street can hear it with the windows open. It’s horrendous- it sounds like emotional abuse.

It’s pretty much every day and the poor kids sound so distressed and terrified. It’s not so bad when the dad is there but when he’s at work, I don’t think she can cope and so she just screams at them. She works a couple of days a week and the older one is in primary school.

Its so hard to know what to do but it’s horrible to hear it- it’s like she hates them 😪

For context, I have written out an anonymous referral a few times but never sent it. I am treading a line between not wanting to interfere and just finding it unbearable

It’s not interfering it’s safeguarding

Try and record audio of it as its going on as well, or even better as a video. This will negate her being able to wrangle out of it under 'disguised compliance' if they attend.

Please report it. Those poor children. You'll never forgive yourself if it escalates and she kills them. That might sound extreme, but it sadly happens.

School safeguarding lead here. You can make an anonymous referral to Children's Services and, hopefully they will speak to the older child's school to see if they have any concerns. If you know what school the child goes to that would be helpful. General shouting is unlikely to raise much concern, it is important to mention if you hear any swearing, name-calling or criticism directed at the children and to be as specific as you can about this. Make sure you mention that the children sound distressed and frightened, also the frequency and duration of Mum's outbursts. They will probably ask if you have any concerns about the children's presentation, do they look clean, appropriately dressed for the weather etc.

The most likely outcome is that someone from Children's Services will call the Mum, inform her that an anonymous referral has been made and ask her if she wants any support. Based on the information in your OP, this will be entirely voluntary. Parents cannot be compelled to engage with Children's Services unless there is clear evidence that a child is at risk of significant harm, and the threshold for what is considered "significant" is very high these days. However, I work with many parents who do accept support. Most people who are referred to CS love their kids and are doing their best in difficult circumstances, it may be that this Mum feels terrible about the way she behaves towards her children and wants to change but doesn't know how. Or she may have grown up in a home where everyone screamed at each other and think this is 'normal'. She might welcome some support. Even if she doesn't, once a referral is in the system it will then be visible to CS if there are any referrals in future from other neighbours, school or Nursery for example so its still important information in case concerns escalate in future.

It’s not interfering, you’re expressing concern about small children with a view to mum getting some support. If there’s any interference needed, social work will do it - that’s the job they’re trained and paid to do.

we all have a duty to report this kind of thing, sadly many life’s can be saved by reporting suspicions promptly.

Another nudge to do the right thing OP.

It's been 3 years, it hasn't improved.

If you know the school the elder child goes to, you can call them and speak to the safeguarding lead if you don't want to complete an anonymous form.

Maybe that way you can give fuller information.

What type of things is she screaming? Not excusing it but there's a big difference between put your shoes on/ don't smack your brother, than endless ranting and raving abuse. Does it go on for prolonged periods?

God, poor babies. I know people who have been reported to social services for far less - all cleared of course but better safe than sorry! It takes a village does it not? Look out for those kids ❤️

Tell social services, her kids are only young and shouldn’t be screamed at daily. She might not be coping at all, doesn’t sound like she is.

Yes do it. During lockdown our neighbours spend day in day out screaming and shouting and ranting at their young children (way beyond the stressed out moment I and most others had during that time) We reported to the police, and many other neighbours did too. The school stepped in and they had regular visits from social services and the police. Tbh it didn’t really stop while they were living here but I felt like as a community we did what we could.

Report please op. The children need a voice.

Please contact social services tomorrow morning. I work in this field. Please do it as this is not ok. The mother may need help, and the children certainly might need support. Ignore any posters on here saying otherwise, they probably aren't well educated and don't realise the long term effects. Don't underplay it, tell ss what you've heard.

Same for me, causes me so much hurt as an adult to think back on how many people knew what was happening us in our home and did nothing to help. It’s so hurtful. Please report. Don’t be surprised if nothing is done, keep reporting if it keeps happening. And like others have said you can approach the school.

Send it!! It probably won’t lead to any change at all sadly but the least you could do is try. The poor kids are probably already very damaged by this behaviour of hers.

Poor kids. Yes, it sounds like you should report this.

This whole situation sounds really upsetting, and it’s clear you’re coming from a place of concern, not judgement.

Just to understand a bit more — does the screaming happen at specific times of day? Like before or after school? And what about during the day when it’s just the 2-year-old at home — does she scream at them too?

Also, when you say screaming, is it just shouting out of frustration (which most parents do at times), or is it more aggressive — like swearing, insults, or threats? That kind of thing can cross the line into emotional abuse, especially if the children sound scared.

If this has been going on for years and is happening daily, you’re right to be worried. Even an anonymous referral could be the first step in getting that family the support they need — not punishment, just help.

Yes you report

I think people will escalate and immediately think that the children will be taken away. Very very unlikely. Most likely they'll be put on child in need plan and offer courses and help mum get respite, mental health support etc

Shamefully I didn't report my neighbour for a few years but when I heard her call the children a bunch of cunts, I contacted child social services. I had to call twice because after the first time she took the report out on the children, thinking they'd done it.

She asked me if I had reported her, which I denied and was removed from the home for 3 months. When she came back, it was much better but she moved away.

Have you reported OP??

people like you are the reason why SS keep chasing the wrong family’s. people literally do not report the family’s what need reporting. So SS then targets families who don’t need help as SS need to look busy to Justify there existence. Then every week a little one is murdered cause SS did not know about that family. Then all these lazy people come out of the woodwork saying they knew the family was abusive 😡

Look it up if you don’t belief me. 👍

How’s it interfering though? It’s called making a report that is true. I know of nice family’s who have been targeted by SS over pathetic stuff. I kid you not. It’s cause people like you don’t report problem family’s. So SS then targets family’s who don’t need help. Think why they do that..🙄

Write on your form that you wish to remain anonymous to her but could discuss with them if more information needed . They are used to people wanting to remain anonymous then deny deny deny if she call s - think you are trying to protect children who cannot do this themselves , you are helping them

@Victoria39im sure they are so underworked they have to ‘look busy’. 😂😂😂

I’m a SW - Adolescents not Family Safeguarding but I think you should absolutely refer it in to Children's Social Care. Try to give as much information as possible; the tone; language used; if swearing is around or at the children; context - is it mainly when they are outside in the garden being silly or late at night / getting out the door; children’s reactions, tears , do they appear fearful; what’s actually being said and times of day etc.

you can ask to remain anonymous but be clear you are a neighbour and have witnessed this first hand for sure though.

A MASH ( Multi Agency Safeguarding Hub) enquiry will be undertaken where mum will be spoken to about the referral and all the partners - health, education, police, social care, possibly housing, probation of will share relevant information/concerns regarding the family, make an assessment around safeguarding and next steps, and offer appropriate support/interventions.

Three years is a long time
How much shouting ? How often ?