2 year old not given water at nursery

[bzarda]

I genuinely need advice if I am being an over the top first time mum or not before I contact the nursery.

My 2 year old (26 months) has been going to nursery for a few mornings a week since she turned 2. She doesn't need to go because my work is flexible and I work in the evenings (although I have been getting work done the mornings she is there) but I wanted her to get used to being with other people, have more socialisation with children and do the messy play stuff we don't do a huge amount of at home. I'm also going back to teaching come September so she will need to get used to childcare.

She has coped really well and cries a bit at drop off but is always happy when I pick her up, until today. I got her at 12 and she runs towards me in tears asking for her water bottle. The staff start asking me what it looks like and reassuring me she's had plenty of water throughout the day but I can hear them asking one another ("has she? Oh I don't know"). I check her bag and her water bottle is stuffed underneath her jacket exactly where I packed it this morning, so she hasn't had a drink since before 9am and no one has bothered to check her bag despite me reminding one of the nursery workers at drop off.

She is really tearful on the way home and telling me she was asking to go home the whole morning and everyone told her no. The nursery also told me she hadn't played much this morning and had been sat down a lot which isn't like her at all. She also hasn't gone to the potty at all since her first wee this morning despite prompting from me which makes me think she is really dehydrated! In this weather in particular it does worry me.

Basically, I'm pissed off that it feels like she has been forgotten about all morning. She's been sat upset at nursery not playing, not offered any water and not taken to the potty. That feels like the basic minimum of care to me.

She is a sensitive little girl and slow to warm up to people but her confidence does seem to have grown since she started going. At the same time, her language is really good and she consistently tells me she doesn't want to go to nursery and has specifically told me this morning that she was upset and the nursery workers ignored her and told her no when she asked to go home/them to call me.

AIBU to call the nursery to complain about this? I don't want to be one of "those" parents but at the same time I feel like pulling her out.

Nurseries don’t call parents every time a child says they want to go home. In fact, the childcare-type nurseries would almost never ring for this.

DC’s nurseries always took in water bottles but had the ikea cups at snack time and lunchtime

At the same time, her language is really good and she consistently tells me she doesn't want to go to nursery and has specifically told me this morning that she was upset and the nursery workers ignored her and told her no when she asked to go home/them to call me.

Really.

Do they not give them drinks from cups with a snack? I never sent mine to nursery with their own water bottle. Has she definitely not had anything to drink or just not from her bottle?

Assuming she had something with breakfast she won't have become dehydrated by noon.

Ask rather than complain about it first. Kids live very much in the moment and it may be that there was a short period when she was sitting down by herself. 3 hours without water won't hurt her.

Do they not give water in cups?

At ours we have the send a water bottle but it’s only used if they go out for a walk or in the garden for ages

Today they only went outside 9-10am as hot so would have had at ours water with morning snack before 9am, then again inside when back in. Then they played indoors as cooler ( it’s 37 degrees here today - not uk)

They can return inside from garden at any point for water if they forgot

The nursery isnt going to phone you to pick her up its their job to placate and distract her till home time if she's upset, she ran for her water bottle because its a familiar thing for her a replacement comforer for milk however she got fed, she probably isn't dehydrated she's upset, it should pass 2 year olds go through phases, I'd probably stop taking the water into nursery at pick up time she can have it in the car or the buggy on the way home.

I've never given my DD (3.5) a water bottle to nursery. They're offered water or milk with their lunch (and maybe snack as well) but that's it.

You said it was stuffed under her jacket in her bag - I think nursery staff will be too busy to check the bags of every child as they come into nursery for the day. Maybe hand it over to nursery staff separately and explicitly ask them to offer her a drink throughout the time she's there if you're concerned.
I agree with others though. Children often live in the moment and will forget to drink if they're having fun playing. I always have a drink ready when I pick up DD from nursery and she downs it by the time we get home.

I misread i thought you had her water bottle, surely nursery don't allow 2 year olds to wander around with water bottles it will have a "place" if its her own she's still upset and wanting it as a comforter though.

For clarification as some of the same things are coming up - they have cups of water at lunch but she doesnt stay for lunch as I pick her up at 12. They primarily drink from their bottles. The nursery worker confirmed she hadn't had any water today and I know she was sat not playing for the majority of the day as this is what one of the workers told me herself at drop off and was confirmed by my daughter on the way home (although I suppose she could have heard the conversation and just be mimicking the most recent thing she heard too).

They have been ringing me to come get her if she is sad/asking to go home as she is still settling in really so maybe my expectations are wrong on that front.

This has made me feel a bit better about it all though, and I will be handing over her water bottle next time I take her in for sure

At 26 months she is far too young to be responsible for a water bottle. Surely the people providing child care have cups and offer the children a drink at appropriate times? As somebody said, best to ask rather than complain, as a young child lives in the moment.

Your choice is to send her to child care. She does not necessarily have to agree with your choice and to want to be away from her primary carer. A nursery can't be expected to call a parent every time a child says they want to go home. It is the nature of the beast.

@bzarda Basically, I'm pissed off that it feels like she has been forgotten about all morning. She's been sat upset at nursery not playing, not offered any water and not taken to the potty. That feels like the basic minimum of care to me.

Not to be unkind, but this sounds like mummy-guilt. If she is an only child she won't be used to not having constant and immediate 1 to 1 care. If she does not get the attention she is used to at home, and in a child's life just one minute is an eternity, she will possibly feel ignored when she is not the centre of somebody else's universe.

They have a table where they are kept during the day but I do see some of the children walking around with theirs and yesterday when I picked her up she had left it at the table with the toys she was playing with

It’s crazy to even be thinking about pulling her out over one misunderstanding from a just turned 2 year olds story.
Why don’t you speak to them?
only babies have their own cups at our nursery, all other kids kill a regular cup up and drink when they are thirsty or they wait until it’s served to them at snack time.
Of course they didn’t immediately ring you when she said she wanted to go town. Do you think that’s normal for nurseries? Surely they would be ringing you every money since you know she goes in upset.

She’s 2, and spent 3 hours in Nursery. Unless she didn’t have anything to drink from the moment she woke up, then she absolutely won’t be dehydrated!

That's really up to you to help her find it the nursery workers probably didn't even realise it was "lost".

You hit the nail on the head, I do feel guilty! I feel bad she had a crap morning and it makes me feel like I've made the wrong choice.

This is all very OTT..

That's not helpful long term to be calling you though is it. When you're back teaching in September you can just go and get her

Usually nurseries serve snacks (fruit, crudités, humous, yoghurt) at 10am ish, water is usually available in small plastic cups - this is freely available. We used to send a bottle in anyway, but it was often returned full to me. I’d call and ask the nursery. But not in a confrontational way.

This just needs to be a conversation not a complaint. Get her to put her water bottle where they keep them when she goes in. Ask the staff to remind her to drink.

They aren't going to call you because she was asking for you. They distract them until pick up time, most parents are at work and couldn't come if they did call.

Give it time, you are both getting used to it.

Do they not have a morning snack ? If you are worried about her not drinking i think you can email the nursery so its not a busy pick up time to talk, but I don't think its necessary for them to phone you when she wants to go home, have you considered a childminder so it is a smaller setting.

Thanks for all the replies, this has helped. It's easy to feel clouded when your child is upset but I am obviously being a bit precious and need to get used to the new normal of not being with her all of the time.

God the obsession with "heat" in the summer in this country drives me insane.
We've had a few nice days of hot weather, its hardly living through a heatwave in the middle of the desert

Tbf young children can dehydrate this isnt the case here but .I can see why the op was worrying, are you normally so grumpy ?

The nursery ratio at 2 is 1:5 so potentially 15/20 kids with 3 or 4 adults stuff gets missed. Perhaps check with the staff if you can put her bottle somewhere when you drop off. My DS goes to preschool and they have a box at the door for their bottles to go in. If you want them to call you every time she's upset then you'll need to tell them that. Once they feel she's transitioned they will only call you if they really need to. On another note any chance your little one might be coming down with a cold, they often get unwell a lot when they first start nursery lots of bugs are going around at this time of year like chicken pox and that may explain why she was sad and quiet.

If you want your child to get more personalised care childminders tend to have less children during school hours but potentially more before and after school

So she doesn’t have a snack there? That’s really odd as they will have sure given her some water.