36 year old couple… How bad are our finances?

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DH and I both work. We have £25K saved in a Lifetime ISA as a starting point for a house deposit. We have a combined income of 4,000 per month, after tax. That’s to cover all of life’s expenses. We do have £2,000 on a 0% credit card.

we have recently moved from a rented house into accommodation provided by a family member. They are giving us a discount on this, so it’s helping us to save. We also have two DC age 12 and 9. The thing is, we would really like another, but I’m worried that would be totally irresponsible.

very grateful for opinions…

Are the two children both yours as a couple or from other relationships?
Seems odd to want another when you have two of those ages and are moving into a different phase with them. I know people who have done it and it’s massively affected their options in later life.
We are all different but I would be wanting the security of a home if my own before anything else. Is it even an option where you live? Where I am you’d be better off renting than buying with those numbers.

Go for it

I’m a single parent and my income is similar, slightly more depending how many extra hours I put through each month. My kids are older, only my 17yr old DD still at home. I have 60k savings, but like you, it’s for a house deposit, which i’m purchasing next year when I can relocate when DD goes to uni. Currently paying £1400 in rent. I would struggle a bit if my salary needed to support 2 adults and 2 DC. Depends how much your outgoings are though. Personally I wouldn’t add another DC into the mix as cost of living is high, and you’d need to purchase a bigger house as be difficult sharing with such a large age gap. Also be hard in general as the things pre teens / teens want to do, are not the same as you’d be able to do with a baby and toddler. I’d say that ship has sailed and it would make life harder for you on many fronts, but your life, your choice.

Personally I wouldn’t, the age gap between children is pretty big. We have a 5 1/2 year age gap between our youngest and middle child and that has its challenges.
For instance our middle child is heavily into sport but little one gets bored at the longer sporting fixtures so instead of us all being able to go and cheer them on, only one parent gets to go.
Homework, whilst sitting down and trying to help eldest with some tricky homework the youngest is super tired after a day at school so I’m trying to keep him awake so he doesn’t danger nap whilst trying to be helpful to the other 2.
There are tons more examples but both if these have happened in the last 3 days so fresh in my mind.
We have our own house (mortgaged) but three lots of extra curricular activities/childcare, school trips, clothes, food etc means that by payday there’s not much left.
We wouldn’t be without any of our children, baby number 3 was a happy surprise but it does stretch everything very thin having the 3 and trying to give them the kind of life experiences we want them to have whilst juggling the wants and needs of 3 very different ages and personalities.

You can't yet buy a house with thr family you have, why have a other with at keast a 10 year gap and put yourself massively backwards again? The time has passed.

It's a personal choice. I know I'd be more focused on supporting the two dc you have through uni costs than having another dc, though.

3 dc is a lot more expensive than 2, in terms of cars, holidays, having enough bedrooms etc. I'd be worried how much the choice would negatively impact your older dc.

As someone who had the third child at 37 it’s a no from me. I found the pregnancy and the baby so much harder. Ds has Sen needs so ten years on I still work part time due to the support he needs and we have struggled financially . And we own A house.

id focus on buying a property first , 25k is 10% on a250k house . Where I live that’s a decent 3 or 4 bed, do you live in an expensive area?

more importantly do you have pensions? We are ten years old than you and pay around £300 a month into pension and worry it’s not enough.

Yay! You might have twins if you’re lucky! 😀

Im sorry to be so practical and un fun here . But statistically theres a 30-40% chance that your marriage is going to split up. No one thinks it will happen to them.

But when it does, most women are left with the vast majority of childcare and costs of caring for the children until they are independent. Child support ( if you get any from your ex ) stops when they leave school, but you (the mum ) will still need to support them until they leave uni / college / get their own place.

Most women are lucky if their ex has their kids for one of two weekends a month and a week in the summer. So you will be doing and paying for almost everything.

So my questions are

1. will this relative still house you if you split up? Ie is it your family or his?
2. What if their financial circumstances change and you need to leave ?
3. What are your personal ( not joint ) plans to house yourself and your existing 2 kids with your assets of £12K? ( half of your 23K saving}. Is that enough for a deposit where you live ?
4. If not, will you be able to get a council house or private rental in the area where your kids are at school and where your work is , or would you have to move to another area ?
5. How much rent will you be able to afford on your own after paying for childcare for your existing school aged children ?
6. Have you worked out the cost of childcare for a baby / toddler / preschooler and factored that into your personal ( not joint) budget?
7. What pensions do you have ?

you Sound financially literate you are aware of where you are at only thing is when you apply for a mortgage they will ask how many dependents to workout you outgoing but honestly you’ll find that your mortgage typically is less than your rent x

Completely depends on current accommodation. Is it big enough for a third child, and will you be able to stay there indefinitely/until you have enough saved to comfortably secure another house of suitable size for 3 kids?

Get a house asap before third child. Then consider what you’d do if it was twins.

This just about sums up the attitude in this country.

Pop another kid and go on benefits.

Yeah, just go for it. No big deal. It only another kid. Something tells me this poster isn’t the most responsible person when it comes to making fertility decisions.

From your OP, it sounds like you only have one LISA between the two of you. Open another, if that’s the case, so you have one each. Make sure you also have some accessible savings - you don’t mention any - and make sure the credit card is paid off before the end of the 0% interest period. What are your pensions like?

I absolutely would not have another child in your circumstances, and I’m saying this as someone who did.

Honestly your finances imo are shite…don’t have another baby, you can’t afford it. Save and buy a house. Focus on the dc you already have.

As others have said, it’s about what you want for your other 2. I see on here ‘all we need is each other, we don’t need holidays, clubs etc’ but that’s the parents choice not what the child might want. I was one of 3 and loved the companionship but was very envious of the clubs all of my friends did and I do think I missed out there.

I think house is more important and pension. What will you do when you retire if you don’t own a home?? Will your pension be enough for renting? I’d be worried about that

Almost everyone on this thread is very negative and missing a crucial point: What about the love created by having a third? The potential lifelong love between siblings? I think that's worth more than cold hard cash. Sounds like you know what's at stake and could make it work one way or another

I think a lot of it comes down to where you live - in some places 25k for a mortgage would be amazing. In London, you'd not even be half way there.

Totally this. You may want another child, but your wants must now come second to your children - your responsibility is to them.

We didn't. I'd have loved a third but it was a no from DH who was one of three. Childcare is expensive in the early and primary school years but teenagers also aren't cheap if you want them to have the chance to do sports or arts or school trips. And university is very expensive. I'd focus on saving for a house.

Respectfully, £25k is not ‘tiny’

I would not be concerned about finances. I would be concerned at the age gap of your kids. The two older ones will have a tight sibling bond.
But an age gap of 10 years means baby will be coming along when youngest is nearing secondary school.... it's a no from me.

If you want a property, I wouldn't have another child. I'd use savings to clear your £2,000 debt. Save up more money and look at buying a house. Perhaps it's worth booking a mortgage appointment at your bank, to see if they'd give you one. If not then at least you'll have an idea how much deposit you'll need to have. With a goal in mind you can keep saving while renting from tour relative.